Early bird reflections

Dragon Mood? -- energized

Aperfect example of an inverse relationship is our current weather: as the humidity goes down, people's energy levels go up. We have experienced such a change in the past 36 hours and oh my, what a difference it makes!

I hit the sack early last night after a bout of insomnia on Sunday night. It's been over a week now since I saw S, the longest time (I believe) we've been apart in all our years together. I miss her and I miss having my bed partner. Hence, the insomnia. Or so I think. It could also be hormones. Or anxieties. Or change in the barometric pressure or alignment of the planets or who knows what! I slept poorly Sunday night and exceedingly well last night. Thank goodness!

Anyway, last night I was out front of our pied-a-terre watering the flowers and attempting to give the poor yellowed, exhausted-looking grass a drink of water from all the consecutive hot days we've had. During the steamy heat, our street had been deserted. Everyone was inside, air conditioners on high, avoiding the Louisiana-style heat.

But last night, with cooler air, our neighbors, Mike and Amy, came by with their two strollers holding 18-month old Lucy and newborns, Adam and Kara. Moments later, Jan came streaming out of her house, wanting to see the babies. Tom remained in his forever perch on the front porch. I saw other people wander in and out of their houses, intermittently, checking the streetscape and their neighbors' activities. Kids raced by on their bicycles, apparently aware that summer is slipping away, school classrooms just around the corner, waiting to capture and hold their energies. Cooler air certainly invites more movement and more activity.

And I awoke this morning, just after five, rested and energized by the notion that I could have almost TWO FULL HOURS to read email, check Facebook postings, write here and simply enjoy the luxury of time to myself, a commodity that has become much more dear in the past two weeks with this new job.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you . . .

Employers, I am STILL USEFUL!

Dragon Mood? -- hovering between discouragement, anger and resignation

Reading various articles on this sunny Friday morning, I found another that spells out what I've been experiencing and suspecting.

Here's an excerpt of the article from Yahoo Finance:

... Millions of workers who have already been unemployed for months, if not years, will most likely remain that way even as the overall job market continues to improve [my emphasis], economists say. The occupations they worked in, and the skills they currently possess, are never coming back in style. And the demand for new types of skills moves a lot more quickly than workers — especially older and less mobile workers — are able to retrain and gain those skills.
...
Additionally, the unemployment numbers show a notable split in the labor pool, with most unemployed workers finding jobs after a relatively short period of time, but a sizable chunk of the labor force unable to find new work even after months or years of searching. This group — comprising generally older workers [my emphasis] — has pulled up the average length of time that a current worker has been unemployed to a record high of 33 weeks as of April. The percentage of unemployed people who have been looking for jobs for more than six months is at 45.9 percent, the highest in at least six decades.

In one of those ironic, laughable-but-not-funny ways, this article, entitled "In a Job Market Realignment," describes how peoples' lives are being derailed and hurt by corporate actions. Kind of like 'downsizing'. It sounds so innocuous, doesn't it? Not when you consider that downsizing means people can't pay for healthcare coverage, frequently lose their homes, may have to visit food banks. Not innocuous at all.

You know how today it's not cool to be negative, spout off negative feelings or anything smacking of sour grapes? Simply NOT COOL. My brain is moving the words around, like puzzle pieces, attempting to find a PC way of saying this:

My current status as a JOBSEEKER unfortunately is simply a result of a JOB MARKET REALIGNMENT. ArrrrghHH!

The Way We're Working isn't Working

Dragon Mood? -- a sense of 'my' truth being spoken?

From Wall Street, to the lagging economy, to Greece and the "euro zone," to our broken regulatory system, to the high-speed computer trading system that might have played a role in last week's mini-meltdown in the stock market, to those two wars we're still in a decade later, it's clear that something is wrong. End of quote.

This quote, from a Huffington Post article, promotes the book, The Way We're Working Isn't Working. It's written by Tony Schwartz and Jean Gomes.

Here's what caught my eye about the book: our society, our world is operating under the myth that "human beings operate most productively in the same one-dimensional way computers do: continuously, at high speeds, for long periods of time, running multiple programs at the same time." That's a MYTH, not a statement of prescription.

Schwartz and Gomes go on to say however, that our basic survival instincts are to renew our energy. We're good at spending it and not so good at renewing it.

So, our culture tells us to go faster and faster, work 24/7, always be connected, checking emails, blah-blah-blah. Meanwhile, what we REALLY need is downtime. Time to renew our energy. Time to recharge.

Is it any wonder that things feel so accelerated? Everybody on information overload? Everybody working crazy long hours?

And for me, personally, is it any wonder that this is yet ANOTHER brick in the wall barring me from employment? I'm in my late 50s. I don't have the energy of a 30-something, nor do I want it. I'm happy being who I am. Yet, corporate culture doesn't appear to have room or make room for a slower pace, for renewal, for recharging. NO ROOM.

Am I simply spewing sour grapes? Am I trying to justify my inability to get a job with some authors' hypotheses? Just between you and me, I don't think so.

Quiet Monday

Dragon Mood? -- reflecting on where I'm at

S and I had a good weekend. Sunday afternoon, she commented that she was dreading the work week. And while I listened, I thought to myself, though unemployed, there are things that make me dread this coming work week too.

My unemployment preoccupies my thoughts almost like someone's death, a shocking, unexpected event that echoes and reverberates still throughout almost everything I do. Even after ONE YEAR, I can hardly not think about it.

This preoccupation didn't happen overnight. I initially thought that if I simply did the responsible and necessary things, a job would come my way. I was prepared for it to be long and hard. I honestly didn't prepare myself to be unemployed for more than a year though.

If and when I'm not preoccupied, then I feel this dull numbness, like I'm only half alive. I hate to admit it, but I'm feeling this way more and more.

My confidence is sagging. Things I wouldn't have a given a second thought to nine months ago, now I find myself questioning, "Can you really do that?" If I see a position that sounds interesting with duties or responsibilities that are outside my experience, I find myself thinking, "Well, that eliminates me," or "They won't consider me now." It angers me that I'm thinking like this and yet I find myself doing it over and over again.

I catch myself wanting to whine, "All I want is a little job working on reports or spreadsheets." I think I'm feeling little, diminished, whittled down. Certainly the words, "worn down" fit. I feel utterly worn down by this unemployment.

Today, rather than being hard on myself, I gave myself permission to be gentle, to feel quiet, to feel worn down. After S left for work, I went back to bed and slept another two hours because I was tired. I sketched and drew for over an hour. I took a long hot shower, washed my hair and enjoyed the simple sensations of getting clean. I checked my email once today, but closed it up rather than checking hourly as I usually do.

This afternoon, I was a bit more productive. I paid some bills, went to an ATM and did some money transfers, bought a few groceries, put together some soup in the crock pot and went through mail. I gathered up recycling and put out the trash at curbside, ready for tomorrow morning.

All in all, a quiet Monday.

Relating to an infographic

Dragon Mood? -- intrigued

One of the advantages of Twitter is that I do run across a myriad of web resources that I otherwise would never encounter. Below is one example.

This is an infographic created by Jess Bachman, a freelance graphic designer. I'm rather intrigued by infographics, so I decided to incorporate it into my blog posting rather than simply link to it. His Flickr download was so illegible, I have linked to the Mint.com version.

As a person who's been in the job market for over a year, this is SUCH a relevant graphic! I think the points he makes about unemployment are apt and dead on. I see myself in that infographic.

Last hurrah of March

Dragon Mood? -- remembering

Scootching towards mid-morning, today is looking to be such a beautiful day, I put on my gym shoes and hit the sidewalks for a walk around the neighborhood.

The sky is the bluest of blues. Trees are still bare so you can see their every branch and bone. A few clumps of leaves hang on, curled and brown, hardy survivors of winter winds. Hard to see but not difficult to hear are all the birds, singing their little birdy hearts out, celebrating the return of sunshine and warmer temperatures. Hearing their songs reminds me of how wonderful it is to be alive. I remind myself, don't take it for granted, Mary. Be grateful and give thanks.

I focus on feeling as much as I can, opening my sensory windows and letting it all flow in. The air is cool, but not cold. My top and sweatshirt are just the right warmth. I focus on tightening my tummy muscles, my core muscles and aligning my spine. I straighten my posture as I walk. Hmm, that actually seems to help.

This all feels so natural, so familiar. I've walked these blocks so many times before. My ever-present companion, Cisco, is the only missing part of this picture. I imagine her out in front of me, going this way, then that, sniffing, pausing to sniff more intently heaven only knows what. In my arm muscles, I actually feel her leash tugging me here, now there. Oh, it's surreal at how very real it feels.

I look at houses as I pass. Usually tidy ones still look tidy in this nether time between winter and spring. Some look a little worse for wear. A house that was foreclosed last fall has new occupants. Their garage door is open and boxes are lined up right to the edge of the opening. Another house, up the street, on the other side, is for sale. I wonder if this is a voluntary, happy-choice sale or a wolves-at-the-door foreclosure sale? I can't help but wonder.

I'm amazed at how quiet and empty the streets are. Is everyone working but me? Are people immune to the beauty of the day, behind doors closed and locked? I wonder.

Then, across the street, I see a man. He's wearing a winter knit hat, a skull cap I think it's called. I glance down, then back at him. He's still watching me. I raise my hand and wave. He waves back. Now I know what it feels like to be on an island, a castaway, feeling too alone. The strange reassurance of seeing another person, though a stranger. What a curious feeling.

I stop and examine some tiny blue flowers sprung up alongside a slab of concrete. They're so dainty and so intensely blue. Are these snowdrops? I don't know if there is such a thing as intensely blue snowdrops. Nevertheless, they are lovely. Their color is such a marked contrast to the brownness and grayness of all the other foliage.

A woman rounds the block corner, coming towards me, walking two dogs. As she approaches, I say hi. She replies and I ask if I may pet her dogs? They are well-mannered dogs, inquisitive and happy to get a head rub. I tell her about Cisco. She offers her sympathy. I wish her a pleasant day and continue walking. I wish I didn't feel so alone and so vulnerable. I have never been in the habit of chatting up strangers before. Why am I doing it now?

I finish my walk, happy that I have stretched my legs, exercised my core muscles, even to the point of preventing a lower backache, the usual outcome of a long walk. I feel a bit winded, which is good. I congratulate myself.

I return to my laptop, ready to begin working on finding jobs and then it hits me. Today is an anniversary. Yup, it sure is. A year ago, about the same time as my mid-morning walk, I got called into a conference room, told that my job was being eliminated, told that it had nothing to do with my performance, but yes, you are being laid off.

I am thankful. I am thankful for today's March 31st compared to last year's March 31st. I am so thankful to be here and not there.

What day is it?

Dragon Mood? -- a bit confused

Because I traveled down here to the pied-a-terre two days later than usual, it feels like it should be Tuesday or Wednesday. Certainly not Thursday!

Yesterday, I contacted my former employer about a mix-up on my paycheck. Thankfully, I knew the HR person I spoke to, she was sympathetic and said she would try to get a new check cut for me ASAP.

I also revamped my resume, including my latest employment and the skills I used there, giving much less attention to my automotive product design skills. Funny, but with all this news about two of the Big Three facing bankruptcy, I don't think there's going to be much market for automotive designers any time soon.

And my confusion about the days is just a confirmation that I'm relaxing, letting go and actually trying to enjoy this time off. I'm giving myself permission to grieve the loss of my job and, unlike last time, I'm taking my time jumping into job-hunting. It's just feeling too soon, too early. Working on my resume was enough; actually, working on that felt just about right. Now, I know how Goldlilocks felt inside the three bears' house. FELT JUST ABOUT RIGHT.

Last night, S announced around 10 that she still had to mail her federal taxes. We took the five minute ride to a post office that was open until midnight. There were orange cones, police directing traffic and postal employees wearing special orange vests at the mailboxes taking the tax returns of the most hard-core procrastinators in metro Detroit. That's my honey: HARD-CORE!

I heard my name

Dragon Mood? -- still reeling in disbelief

Sitting here in my snuggly flannel pajamas, I heard my name called out on TV. Yeah, I did!

A TV broadcaster, reading the daily news items, announced that 658,000 people lost their jobs in the month of March. Wow, that's a lot of people! And then I realized, WOW, that's me, I'm one of those folks!

Can you tell I'm still adjusting to the brave, scary world of unemployment?

Bad News

Dragon Mood? -- shocked

In this time when it's almost impossible to listen to any media source and not hear bad news, ... well, I've got my own story to tell now.

Yesterday, the last day of March, I was laid off, sacked, given the boot; however you want to say it, I am now unemployed.

And this is no April Fool's joke. I wish.

(heavy sigh)

We were cautioned about six weeks ago that layoffs were coming. At the beginning of February, however, I was given a merit raise for my job performance. I was sent to three days of training in March for an upcoming software update. Would you conclude that you were targeted for layoff based on those actions? I wasn't.

So, honestly, I was surprised. Shocked actually. As my boss's boss greeted me in a conference room with the requisite Human Resources person, my heart began to pound. I thought for sure they could hear it, it was so loud in my chest. I just wanted to cry out, "No, no, NOT ME!"

So, I am now unemployed. I join the ranks and crowds and hundreds of thousands of people out of work. Small comfort in not being alone.

Damn!

More bad economic news ...

From CNN Money:

 

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- The July jobs report is due out Friday, the same day that automakers report their U.S. sales for the month.

It's not a coincidence both are expected to show continued weakness for the U.S. economy.

Economists surveyed by Briefing.com forecast that employers reduced payrolls by 75,000 jobs during the month. That would be the seventh straight month of job losses. So far this year, 438,000 jobs have been lost [my emphasis].

The unemployment rate is forecast to edge up to a four-year high of 5.6%, up from 5.5% the previous two months and 4.7% a year ago.

Meanwhile, auto sales tracker Edmunds.com is forecasting a 3.3% drop in auto sales compared to a year ago. That would mark the ninth straight month that sales have fallen on a year-over-year basis.

It's not surprising that $4 gas and concerns about their jobs have led consumers to slam the breaks on car purchases.

What might be less obvious, given the attention given to how much the economy has been hurt by problems in the housing and financial markets, is how important a healthy auto industry is to the overall jobs market.

Even after years of job cuts and plant closings by U.S. automakers, the automakers, along with their suppliers and dealership networks, are responsible for nearly 3 million jobs according to government figures for June.

But the auto sector has lost 67,000 jobs since the end of 2007, accounting for more than one in seven jobs lost overall during the current jobs slump.

Most of the layoffs have yet to be implemented. Many will come this fall when plants that normally would be gearing up for production of new trucks will be idled due to lack of demand. ...

 

Week FOUR

Dragon Mood? -- thankful and happy

HEY . . . . I started my FOURTH week at my still-shiny-new job today. Things are going well. I like my job. My only regret is that I don't get to surf and blog on the internet while I'm at work. Damn! What an inhibiting rule! Don't they know that us Sagittarians like our FREEDOM?

Good news, good news

Dragon Mood? -- doing dragon hops & squeals!

Finally, finally ... I have GOOD NEWS to report! I got a job and start Monday, June 18th. I'm so ecstatic, so elated, I can hardly see straight! Halleleujah!

That's what I am!

Wrong ... again!

Dragon Mood? -- chagrined?

"Wrong ... again!" is becoming a too-regular theme in my life ... especially recently. You know how I noted here that I didn't think I'd hear from a certain employer again? Well, I was wrong. Thankfully!

I meet with them again today for a second interview, for a second position. Personally, I don't think I'm all that well-qualified for the job, but what do I know? Obviously, this whole unemployment thing has skewed my perspective on me, my qualifications, my abilities and particularly my self-confidence in ways I never saw coming! ArrrghhH!

Call me

Job hunting update

Dragon Mood? -- a little bit disappointed

I had another job interview yesterday ... and I think it simply was NOT a good fit. The job entailed heavy, heavy use of geometric dimensioning and tolerancing, more commonly known as GD & T. While I have some experience with it, I am by no means an experienced user of it nor an expert. I don't anticipate hearing from those folks again. Darn!

Winding down from a busy, busy week

Dragon Mood? -- fatigued and energized at the same time?

For a rather cold, rainy week (which in my mind equates to long, drugged-like naps), it's been a busy week for me. S and I started out the week so incredibly tired from our second jaunt up north in two weeks, I think we rolled through Monday and Tuesday in a veritable fog.

Tuesday afternoon, I met with the facilitator at the career center where I've been volunteering. I handed off a PowerPoint presentation that I went through, reformatted and cleaned up a bit that she uses every week. Heather is always very effusive in her thanks and this time was no exception.

Wednesday morning I met with a recruiter new to me, an MSU grad (which made me feel more "open" to him from the get-go), who was a particularly good listener and helped me to feel okay about all my worries and misgivings. He didn't make extravagant promises, but left me with a feeling that he could be a strong advocate for me. All good stuff!

I forgot that Tuesday evening I also went to a volunteer orientation for a LGBT center that recently opened near us. I was tired (surprise) and had actually considered bombing out on the orientation meeting. I'm glad I didn't. The meeting was chaired by a young, energetic gay man named Brandon who was light and funny and informative, all at the same time. He made me feel most welcome and I felt "noticed" and appreciated. Isn't it funny the things that you crave when you're unemployed?

This week I also sent out resumes or received calls on at least two promising-looking jobs. One is with a former Big Three employer of mine. I'm keeping myself very much in a self-protective mode and doing lots of emotional "checks" as to how I'm feeling about that. Time will tell. I also got a quick response from a recruiter for another older manufacturing biggie here in Motown, looking for designers. I had to fill out a rather lengthy pre-interview questionnaire. Again, time will tell whether they're interested in me or not.

I spent the better part of an afternoon, working on some graphic stuff for my niece and nephews for a something-something that's in the works right now. Cryptic, I know, but necessary ... at least for now.

I finally, finally, FINALLY sent off a package containing a neti pot for my elderly uncle down in Port Arthur, Texas. Can you believe that blankety-blank thing's been sitting on our dining room table for over eight frickin' weeks? ArrrghhH! I don't know what has been going on with me, but I simply could not -- repeat, COULD NOT -- bring myself to tape that thing up and mail it. This week, all of the sudden, I could. And, I DID!

I also mailed off to all three of my father's siblings a lengthy recap of notes I took five-and-a-half years ago (yes, I know -- isn't that pathetic?) regarding family history and asked them to read it, review it and make the necessary changes and/or additions. After languishing such a long time on my computer, mailing those "stories" really feels good!

I've paid bills, transferred funds (robbing Peter to pay Paul, you know?) faxed job-related documents to the appropriate people, gone through some old mail, cleaned out some cluttery piles of paper (Yay!), recycled things that needed recycling ... why, I even went to the hardware store and replaced our just-burned out fluorescent bulb under the kitchen cabinets. Wow!, can you believe I've got that done already? I hardly can!

I've swapped the cars around, filled the little trash-mobile's gas tank so S and I can drive it back to the pinetree house, ride-sharing and saving gas. We're ALL about saving money on gas these days!

Whew! It's been a busy, busy week!

Monday night recap

Dragon Mood? -- still catching up

Wow, where has the time gone? Four days have slipped away like sand between my fingers!

S and I headed up north Friday to begin work on a handicap ramp (photos yet to come!) for 91-year old Grandma ... when my cell phone rang with a recruiter on the other end. A job that they had contacted me about days earlier -- suddenly the manager wanted to have a phone interview that afternoon? I explained that I was traveling up north and could we do it Monday?

The interview happened this morning. It went well for me, not so well for the manager. He called an hour and fifteen minutes late, sounded embarassed and eased into the interview asking me about my mentioning on my resume that I play classical piano. I chuckled and responded with what I thought was appropriate.

We conversed for 20 minutes. The upshot is that I'm making the 100-mile journey tomorrow morning for an interview. (sigh)   Yes, another interview. (sigh) Yes, 200 miles and gas at $3-and-what a gallon? Just what an unemployed AND broke person like me needs, huh? Smack me upside the head, but I'm having trouble getting excited that anything real or tangible will come from this. Yup, I know ... smack me!

The good news is that our weekend up north was SO much more productive than S and I ever allowed ourselves to dream. S's sister, Michelle and her husband, Jim, came over Saturday and worked like troopers with us. Then, they came back Sunday and did it again! We got all the posts laid out, cemented and secured in the ground, as well as framing members laid out and secured. Other than three "fake" posts that need to be lagged into underlying joists, we're ready to begin laying the decking.

S and Jim determined that a small concrete pad also needs to be poured at the base of the handicap ramp. Jim has some experience with concrete so that will be his project, with us helping. S predicted that we'll lay out the forms for the concrete this coming weekend, as well.

Jeez, do you have ANY idea how nice it feels to have things go well and BETTER than planned for a change? Any idea?

The contrast between how my life has been going (or FEELS like it's been going) and how this past weekend went is a picture-window view into the increasingly worn-down, ground-down and embittered feelings I'm carrying around inside of me, like 100-lb bags full of calcified, pointy-sharp feelings. YeecchhH!

I need to spend some time tomorrow, as I'm driving through the southern Michigan countryside, contemplating that ... and figuring out what I can do to heave those bitter-heavy feelings out the window. Yes, I do!

Tough week

Dragon Mood? -- heavy sigh

This morning, upon hearing Robin Roberts of Good Morning America say this has been a tough week, I thought, "Yeah, it has been a very tough week." The horrible killings at Virginia Tech have been uppermost in peoples' minds. And ... if you weren't thinking about it, the media would be sure to remind you with graphic images, endless repetition and obsessive analysis. (To which I respond: pick up the remote and *click* off.)

There was another tragic, senseless death in our midst. Here in Motown, in the community "village" we live in, a little girl, five years old, died Monday afternoon while playing outside at the grade school within walking distance of our home. She was playing in an inner courtyard of the school when a flagpole snapped under heavy winds, fell and killed her. S and I listened to the school principal, trembling with emotion, on the local evening news describe staying with the little girl in her last moments of life, awaiting the ambulance. Ironically, just an hour earlier, I told my sister on the phone that I had skipped my usual walk with the dog that afternoon because the winds seemed downright "scary." Sadly, that was more true than I realized at the time.

On a far less momentous note, I returned to a prospective employer's site earlier this week to take a "tube test." Basically, I was asked to perform tasks on the computer with a 3D CAD modeling software and prove that I can do what I say I can do. The hiring manager gave me two tasks for that one hour. The first one I created as requested; the other, I couldn't complete in the time given. I got "stuck" and failed to think "nimbly" and consider a work-around in the given time. As the minutes ticked away, I got more and more frustrated with myself and the task at hand. Unfortunately, I kind of "froze up."

As the manager walked me out to the reception desk, he acknowledged that none of the other candidates had been able to complete both tasks in the time given. In retrospect, I know he was trying to make me feel better. But, I am unaccustomed to failure and don't let myself off the hook very easily. I've continued to replay that hour and the conversation afterward over and over in my mind. I won't allow myself to internally call myself names (like "stupid" or anything similar), but I can definitely feel the hardness and rigidity of my upbringing, especially in the face of anything less than perfection. ArrrghhH! It's tough to run into one's vulnerabilities, especially when looking for a job.

I am still feeling very badly about my performance on that tube test and suspect I undermined my chances for the job. I have been preparing myself mentally all week for the phone call telling me that I didn't get the job. Others might label that as "negative" thinking, but I feel like I'm protecting myself. More disappointing news about employment and jobs is not something I need right now.

After the requisite dose of daily self-pity, I knock myself upside of the head and remind myself to look around. Look around at what's happened to others this week. Parents of a little girl. Families and friends of 32 innocent people. They have something to feel badly about. Their lives are forever changed. I just experienced a temporary setback this week. It's a mere bump in this road we call life.

Hunting and storytelling

Dragon Mood? -- a natural born fireball, not so natural at storytelling

This week has been full of workshops, learning new job hunting skills and interaction with many, many other people who are also seeking jobs. It's been a positive and healthy interaction for me, interrupting my long periods of aloneness and isolation.

My biggest surprise this week has been how incredibly poorly I'm prepared for so-called "behavioral questions" in a phone or face-to-face interview. Behavioral questions are the sort like this:

• Describe a situation in which you were able to use persuasion to succesfully ....
• Give me a specific example of a time when you used good judgement and logic in solving a problem
• What is your typical way of dealing with conflict? Give me an example.

According to Heather, our instructor/leader/mentor at the workshops, these behavioral questions are all about identifying and codifying a story from one's own work and life experiences. Once you have identified five or six stories from your past, you can push, pull and morph the stories to answer the questions in a manner that highlights and positively showcases your talents, skills and abilities.

I guess my storytelling skills need a bit of polishing. *sigh*

A returned slacker blogger

Dragon Mood? -- sleepily stunned at my long absence


Wow, have I ever been a slacker blogger! My last post was -- how long ago? -- three weeks ago? Hard to believe! I guess I've been a bit preoccupied.

One of the things I've been busy with is job hunting. Since my last post, I've applied for eight to ten jobs. At least. The good news is that I have a phone interview today for a job in northern Indiana. The bad news is that I have insomnia, it's 3:20 a.m. right now and I'm not sleeping. ArrrghH!

I think the even larger thing that has occupied my psychic space, so to speak, is my flying trip to Texas, to the family farm, weekend before last. Seven of us (everyone except S and Luke) flew down to the farm for the sheer joy of it, just to be with our extended family, aging aunts and uncles, and of course, to see our dad/grandpa.

It was an accelerated trip, and yet, the time down there felt like just the right amount of time, given the HIGH intensity of the gathering and all the attendant emotional drama that went with it.

What emotional drama you may ask? Angst over what airport to fly into; a stuck cow; tachycardia attacks from emotional anxiety; a swirling, spiraling toilet problem that ended in complete and utter sewer failure; misplaced cheddar cheese -- the list goes on.

But, in the same breath, I can cite lovely, enjoyable moments like sitting in the farmhouse kitchen on the old wooden bench, watching sleepy-eyed adults stumble into the tender morning bonhomie like they were five-year olds again, hearing Aunt Doris's, "Well, good MORNING!" greeting, smelling the tantalizing fragrance of Uncle Hemie's venison sausage, feeling the oh-so-familiar good energy as people scrambled about the house, walking down to the pond dodging the cow pies, seeing the blue, blue Texas sky, listening to people laugh and laugh and laugh with one another -- well, there were many, many moments like that, moments that thankfully far outweighed the 'problem' ones.

I must confess that I had entered the weekend with my own emotional trepidation, feelings that, for the most part, evaporated once I was with my family members. The weekend was lovely, just the kind of experience that I had hoped for even though I couldn't imagine nor visualize in the days preceding the weekend.

My first 'official' posting of 2007

Dragon Mood? -- a little blue, but it's a beautiful wintry periwinkle blue

It's Wednesday, it's Wendishday, it's 2007 ... and I'm at home.

Not at work, because of a work 'slowdown.' Sorry, no work this week. Better luck next week! Yeechhh! I'm trying to see this time at home as a positive thing, but truth be told, I'm feeling a little low today.

I walked the dog this morning, I responded to a job posting with a cover letter and my resume, I filed for unemployment, I bought a few groceries, I did a bit of organizing, I even took a nap.

I really wanted to paint. BUT ... it's a full moon today ... not a good time for starting a new project like that. AND ... S and I haven't agreed on colors for our bedroom. I do want to be respectful of her wishes on color choice ... we just need to come to an agreement!

Another BUT. There is the ceiling and walls of the pied-a-terre's center hall. The ceiling is virtually CRYING OUT for a new paint job. I may not be able to ignore it much longer.

Plus there are these things to do, as well:

• spend time working in Illustrator and Photoshop
• peruse my new, gently-used Photoshop books
• make my yummy beef stew tomorrow
  
• download all the Christmas and post-Christmas images off the camera
• upload said images to Flickr
• update all my other blogs to the new-and-improved Blogger interface
• download the latest version of Mozilla Firefox
• take a run to the new-in-Canton IKEA store (can't believe I haven't been there yet!)
• make some mandalas in Illustrator
• try using Yosh's methodology for scouting out new and potential job possibilities
• read some more of my new book, The Faith Club (thoroughly enjoying it)
• walk the dog some more
• exercise on the treadmill
• did I mention painting?