Officially 'Fallen Back'

Dragon Mood? -- circadian rhythmically disoriented

Early, early this morning, while I was blissfully sleeping, most of the country, including us, turned our collective clocks back. Instantaneously, 2 a.m. became 1 a.m. Voila, just like that, we created an extra hour for ourselves! Why can't we do that EVERY weekend?

Sue and Michelle invited Jeanne, Joanne, Sally, S and I over for a lovely, entertaining dinner last night. I made Parmesan Pinwheels (simple and TASTY from Real Simple) and traffic-light crudites (red-yellow-green, with a little orange thrown in for good measure) and vegetable dip for appetizers. Michelle made a knock-out Beef Stroganoff along with fresh, steamed green beans. Jeanne and Joanne brought a dazzlingly delicious berry crumble pie from the award-winning Sweetie-licious Bakery in DeWitt. With Cosmos, better-than-average red wine, beer and other, assorted alcoholic beverages, the seven of us schmoozed, talked, interrupted, laughed and made good-friend conversation with one another for four or so hours. It was simply delightful!

And I'll end this post by saying that not one of these crazy, 'spring forward' or 'fall back' events occurs without my thinking of my mother. More times than not, she was working as a night nurse at a local nursing home (now defunct Provincial House) on those semi-annual Saturday nights and would always note on the 'fall back' ones, how she was so lucky (hear the sarcasm) to get to work an extra hour! For some curious reason, I always remember her mentioning that. I love you, Mom, and miss your love and care.

A non-relaxing Sunday morning

Dragon Mood? -- TIRED and I'm not kidding

HELP!! S and I have been taken hostage by a four year-old and a two year-old and we CAN'T GET UP!

I'm joking AND exaggerating! But only a little. We rendezvoused with Matt and Sarah in the Lake Lansing Meijers parking lot last night, got the 'goods' (Madison and Conner) and S took them into the store to pick out a toy. Forty-five loo-o-oong minutes later, they emerged. Sheesh, I should have known better than to agree to that quick little trip.

At home, S got into the jacuzzi tub with them and things were going well until Conner decided he was scared of the water, or the jets, or the bubbles. We're not sure which. As a two year-old boy, with a very talkative big sister, all he has to do is grunt and shake his head "NO" and point with his finger ... and the kid communicates well and gets pretty much all his needs met. It's an amazing dynamic to observe in action and it certainly takes me back to when Josh was two and Caroline was four. Same sibling behavior, transcendent of time and environment.

Conner feel asleep between 10:30 and 11:00 p.m. Madison was up until midnight, thanks to billowing mounds of bubbles, imagined fog and storms for the flotilla of toy boats and exhilarating archaeological digs down in the bubbles IN the tub. She and Grandma really gave their imaginations a workout!

We two grandmas, Grandma and GrandMary, hit the hay immediately. And one minute later, it was light, I heard Madison's voice and the next thing I knew, two little people were padding into our room, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to GREET the morning! Aye-yi-yiee!!

S and I did our rational and logical best to persuade Madison and Conner that it was WAY TOO early and that we were still tired and climb in bed with us and let's ALL go back to sleep. We never even got close to launching that idea. The phrase, I believe, is a complete fizzle. Nope, they were up, and ready to PLAY! It was all of 7:30 a.m.

We played the piano, we ate bananas, we colored pictures, we got all the pull toys down off the shelf, we made a homemade diaper bag for Madison's new baby doll, we read books. You name it, we did it. Grandma made peanut butter and spun honey raisin toast for us all and made a new song, "Sticky Fingers" to accompany our breakfast. And boy, did the song ever fit the situation!

It's now 1:20 p.m., Conner's sleeping, Grandma and Madison are outside, and Mommy and Daddy have finally shown up. I'm exhausted! Time for a nap!

Recapturing a lazy Saturday morning

Dragon Mood? -- enjoying a lazy Saturday morning

Do you know it's been ages, ages, I tell you since I had a lazy Saturday morning to post here? I think back on all the times I wrote in this blog 'back in the day' when days felt longer, the sun traveled a more relaxed circle in the sky and time had no end in sight.

Nowadays, things feel accelerated. Everything is speeding by, at such a pace, it takes deliberate intention and effort to sit down, breathe and relax. And maybe write a bit here or there in this blog.

S and I celebrated our 24th anniversary this past Tuesday, October 26, 2010. Twenty-four years! I can hardly imagine it. Our relationship began innocently enough, coworkers at a work conference held in Hilton Head, South Carolina. We were both married, husbands and children at home, awaiting our return. One night, that last night in Hilton Head, turned my world upside down, S's too. And it was all so very innocent. All we did was share a bed and feel feelings. Amazing thing.

We celebrated our anniversary by going to hear Bob Dylan and his band perform at the MSU Auditorium in East Lansing. I had bought the tickets as a surprise for S. She and I rendezvoused in Wixom, in the Meijers' parking lot around 5:30, drove to Dusty's in Okemos for a quick, light meal and then off to hear Ol' Growly himself. It was a rockin' concert, loud and fun to move to the beat of the music. I felt good about buying the tickets, taking the initiative on celebrating our anniversary, and S thanked me numerous times for doing this for us. Maybe it was the strange windy weather, but something felt different in the air; youth and energy and maybe even a little bit of hopefulness. All this from an old poet minstrel, from another age, another century even.

Josh and Leah continue to be in my thoughts. I listen to music driving to work and I can get tears in my eyes thinking about them, their undiluted joy and happiness at being together, and all that life has waiting for them.

Caroline and Ron experienced the death of a friend this past week, a good friend and motorcycle brother. He died in a motorcycle accident. I haven't had the opportunity nor the heart to ask about the details, but J.D.'s death fuels one of my worst fears, that Ron and Caroline would be hurt or die in an accident like that. I feel so irrational about this, my fears so irrational (what are feelings but irrational?), that I have to keep a really tight leash on myself so that I don't say or do something inappropriate. Like call them up and scream in to the phone, "I TOLD YOU SO! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE BEFORE ME!" (sigh) Like I said, inappropriate.

Work is getting better. Slowly, baby step by baby step, things are getting better. I have a disappointing morning or an unproductive day, but I also have good days where things are cookin', things are humming along and I think, wow, I'm really busy and this feels good.

I had my first candidate start a short-term assignment this past Monday and two more candidates will begin working next week. Yay! Yay for me!

(sigh) It's past noon. Morning is over, time for 'lazy' has passed. Things to do, places to go, people to meet!

Sweet remembrances

Dragon Mood? -- smiling inside and out

Good golly, Miss Molly, do you know I've been writing in this blog for well over SIX years? Is that a thud I heard, you falling from your chair? Yeah, me too!

I hardly ever look back. Except, uh, for now. I looked back here, a posting from this blog, from October 2004. And here's some truth that bears repeating:

My kids are the apples of my eye, the cream in my coffee, the joy in my heart ...

Lina is my older child, with her warm dragon-y outlook on life and people. She loves her dog, good food, "value" wine and that sushi-delivering motorcyle guy [now her husband]. The cup is almost always way more than half-full for her and Lina always looks for the good in people. I love the way she writes, her embracing of wildness and piratical "wenchiness," and most especially, I appreciate her good "eye."

Josh is my younger child, a curious combination of compassion and wicked smartness. His smartness is magnified by incredible tenacity and persistence. He'll bulldoggedly rip your illogical arguments to shreds as well as sit tenderly by, handing you tissues as you cry. He loves the company of women, especially strong women and he isn't afraid to tell Lina and me how much he loves us. He also has a passion for music, which at times, pours out of his being like a localized Niagara Falls. I love watching him at those moments.

Trees, martinis and Sally

Dragon Mood? -- waking up, catching up

Thursday morning, just past six a.m., I'm sitting here with my steaming cup of hot coffee, waking up, enjoying these few, quiet minutes to myself.

This past weekend, Sally was 'down state', visiting us, hanging out with S on another solo week of vacation ('sigh' -- one of the few negatives of my new job -- no time for vacation). S was busy working with Mike, the Tree Guy, selecting and placing half a forest of trees in our backyard. But mostly, S was working her tail off, cutting down many, many small, under-canopy deciduous trees (mostly chokecherry), bucking or sawing them into pieces, stacking them and chipping up the rest of the small limbs and foliage. Loads of work!

Sally seemed pretty content to hang out at the house. She and S met with Mark on Thursday evening for dinner, Matt and Sarah and kids on Friday evening (along with Tim and Nicki too). Saturday afternoon, we all stopped our respective activities and watched the Spartans give the Wisconsin Badgers a well-deserved spanking, beating them 34-24. Oh yeah! Next week, it's Michigan and I hope the Spartans are on the delivery end and not the receiving end of a spanking.

Saturday evening, we had a warm, tasty meal of pot roast, potatoes, carrots, onions and baby bella mushrooms. Mmm-mm good! Then we had a rare dessert, a pineapple-orange flavored cake that Sally had brought with her. It was moist and delicious with some (more) hot coffee.

After cleaning up the kitchen, we began playing three-handed euchre. If memory serves me right, I won the first game handily. The cards were definitely coming my way. To celebrate my victory, I announced I felt like having a dirty martini. I asked Sally if she would like a Bloody Mary and she said no, she'd enjoy a martini too. So I got to practice my newbie martini-making skills not once, but three times that evening. Sally tipped me off to use cracked ice rather than cubes for a better chilled martini. Wow, what a difference! And, I can see why Josh and Leah are so discerning about the olives they use in their martinis. Olives can make or break a decent tasting martini. Ours were not the freshest, but they did the job. Next time, I'll make sure to have fresh and probably better quality olives on hand.

And from my martini-making, I learned that Sally used to be a bartender at the Metro Bowl in Lansing, way back, 'in the day'. She had applied for a bookkeeping job there and ended up a bartender instead.

Obviously, the more liquor we drank, the more we talked and shared. And you understand, it's not like Sally and I haven't hung out before or that we haven't done our fair share of drinking together. But somehow, this evening was different. There was more the quality of two women letting down their hair, sharing life experiences. S was more bystander than participant. This is her mom, of course, and she chose to listen more than talk. The stories just got better and better.

Late September and work

Dragon Mood? -- waking up

It's 6:25 a.m. by the digital clock on my laptop, it's dark outside and cold here inside the house. I'm not wanting to turn on the heat just yet, but how much longer can I hold out?

I want to write about my job. I'm in my seventh or eighth week now; I've lost count of the weeks. In weeks four, five, six, my emotions were up and down about it. I'm so accustomed to being good at things I do, it was hard for me to work, work, work with little to no success.

My attitude is a little better now. Each week I am supposed to achieve ten submittals. That works out to two per day for the work week. Last week, I hit eight -- and felt pretty darn good about it. This past Monday, I got two submittals; my first two submittals for a Monday. Another small success.

I have talked with my boss several times about this. Actually, he's asked me how I think things are going. I really appreciate him doing this. It has given me an opportunity to vent a bit, but even better, he offered me feedback -- feedback that I'm doing just fine and he's happy with my work so far.

I enjoy talking with people. I know this sounds weird, but I try to project care and acceptance towards each person I talk to, over the phone. I smile and joke with them during our conversations. Frequently, these jobseekers make me laugh. I am amazed at how often I feel the goodwill of complete strangers.

In a sentence, the job is going well. I LIKE my job!

Remnant

Dragon Mood? -- [I don't know what my mood was that day.]

While I sit here awaiting a call from a prospective employer, I am diverting my attention to this blog. Busy, busy.

[I found this languishing in the "Draft" section of my blog posts. From the middle of July. Time to publish.]

Catching up, Madison visit

Dragon Mood? -- remembering and smiling

I knew this would happen. One day, it's Thursday and I can hardly wait to get on the road to Madison. Before you can say "lickety split," it's Wednesday, been there and back, and whew, where did the time go?

S was a champ and drove us the entire way. Driving her car may have had something to do with that. Not that she doesn't trust me. It's just that it's her car, you know?

We arrived about 1:15 a.m., Caroline met us at the door and Dakota stuck her nose in our crotches. And then danced and leapt around. Welcome!

Friday morning, Ron was in the kitchen, taking a break from his work routine, preparing to make Egg McRonbos for us. He not only made us breakfast, but French-pressed coffee as well. Delicious!

After eating, we cleaned up and headed out to St. Vinny's for our requisite visit. Gosh, what a visit! S found an aluminum frame lounger in near-perfect condition for $5, I found two pieces of pottery, Caroline a Fiesta dish along with a Hall china coffee mug. Steph also snagged four record albums (yes, vinyl!) for $1 a piece, while I picked up some 'pearl' earrings. Caroline got the best find though in a delightful, handmade rocking hobby horse for a small child. As she made her way across the big room, holding the hobby horse up to show me, I asked her, "Are you trying to tell me something?" Her answer was a big grin. (aside - While the 'deed' is not done, things are being set in motion for it to happen.) Oh yes, and Caroline also found a completely cute pair of angel wings, replete with feathers and shiny sequins sprinkled here and there. Halloween, watch out for a drunken angel!

Staggering out of St. Vinny's, arms loaded, we headed to a nearby Indian restaurant where Ron met us for lunch. Don't ask me what I ate. It was a buffet full of tasty, exotic dishes. I enjoyed virtually all of them ... well, maybe except the slightly chewy goat meat one. At Caroline's encouragement, I ordered a hot chai tea that was lovely and delicious. Not too sugary, with just the right amount of gingery warmth and zinginess. Hmm, I can still taste its yumminess.

Saturday was a bit of a slow start, but we made it to the Farmer's Market in downtown Madison. Oh my, it was every bit as busy and crowded with shoppers as I remembered. Every step of the four blocks-long market, there were stands replete with colorful veggies and tempting jams and humongous hearty mums and cheese curds and breads and honey and black Spanish radishes (just remember the amazing translation from 'jacquard' to 'daikon' -- "I speak Stephnie!")and too many other delicious treats to list. We went with two or three items in mind to purchase and left with Caroline's trusty backpack loaded to the brim. Chivalrous Ron toted the hefty thing around and never groaned, not even once.

We headed to the Soap Opera, but sidetracked ourselves into Paul's Club for the requisite spicy Bloody Marys. Yummy, as I knew they would be.

The Soap Opera was cozily intimate, busy and filled with sumptuous fragrances that always evoke an unexpected sense of well-being. I glided over to the table filled with Mistral soaps and began sniffing all the new 'flavors'. It's a place to simply give in to your senses, particularly the smell-icious one.

Saturday night, we all enjoyed Caroline's culinary gifts: corn chowder made with freshly frozen sweet corn and finely diced jalapenos (awesome!); Juliette tomatoes, fresh, backyard basil leaves and fresh mozzarella salad; and yummy fresh boiled shrimp with zingy homemade cocktail sauce bursting with horseradish. Talk about a feast! We ate our fill and then some.

The highlight of Sunday was a visit to the Sugar Shack, a vintage record shop. It was packed with album covers, vintage posters, memorabilia and crates and crates of old music. While Caroline and I poked around for a half an hour or so, Ron and S easily spent an hour plus sifting through the treasures awaiting their discovery. Meanwhile, Caroline and I settled down out in her trusty Mazda, called Uncle George for his early birthday celebration and talked with our cousins on speaker phone.

It was a great weekend!

Maybe TMI

Dragon Mood? -- sagging and annoyed

Reaching for my seat belt to buckle up, I felt this little *snap* and instantly knew what had happened. The underwire in my bra had broken, snapped in two pieces like a dry twig.

Honestly, if this were the first time this was happening, I wouldn't be so annoyed, maybe. But this is about the third or fourth time!

If my breasts were people, I think they would be two muscle-y bouncers in a gritty bar on the wrong side of the tracks. Not necessarily the biggest pair you've ever seen, but you don't want to mess with 'em.

Thursday's insight

Dragon Mood? -- a dim bulb brightened once again on the importance of attitude

Sometimes, the Divine drops an object lesson right in your lap, right when you need it.

I had a phone conversation with a fellow I'll call Mr. M this morning. Nice enough fellow, but when it came right down to it, he was afraid. Full of fear, mistrust and suspicion. I do not anticipate ever finding this fellow a job. In my humble opinion, his attitude will create roadblocks at every step, at every turn.

Just before lunch, I had another phone conversation with a fellow named Mr. R. What was he like? Pleasant, jovial, even helpful. We laughed over our shared perceptions of the predictable foibles of a large employer here in Michigan. "Hey, give us a quote on a car part. What's it gonna cost us? Yup, that's all the information we're gonna give you."

Similarly, "find us an employee who knows about car parts. We need him to start Monday. Yup, that's all the information we're gonna give you."

AaarghH! Crazy-making behavior to be sure, but this fellow demonstrated to me ever so clearly how to laugh about it. What an insight!

singing "An-tih-suh-PAY-shunnnn"

Dragon Mood? -- like a drop of water on a hot skillet

While you can't see it through the thick fog of the internet's atmosphere, I am sitting here virtually dancing with anticipation at driving to Madison tomorrow night to see my beautiful daughter, Caroline, and her hubby, Ron. S is dancing too though she doesn't know it yet.

Early bird reflections

Dragon Mood? -- energized

Aperfect example of an inverse relationship is our current weather: as the humidity goes down, people's energy levels go up. We have experienced such a change in the past 36 hours and oh my, what a difference it makes!

I hit the sack early last night after a bout of insomnia on Sunday night. It's been over a week now since I saw S, the longest time (I believe) we've been apart in all our years together. I miss her and I miss having my bed partner. Hence, the insomnia. Or so I think. It could also be hormones. Or anxieties. Or change in the barometric pressure or alignment of the planets or who knows what! I slept poorly Sunday night and exceedingly well last night. Thank goodness!

Anyway, last night I was out front of our pied-a-terre watering the flowers and attempting to give the poor yellowed, exhausted-looking grass a drink of water from all the consecutive hot days we've had. During the steamy heat, our street had been deserted. Everyone was inside, air conditioners on high, avoiding the Louisiana-style heat.

But last night, with cooler air, our neighbors, Mike and Amy, came by with their two strollers holding 18-month old Lucy and newborns, Adam and Kara. Moments later, Jan came streaming out of her house, wanting to see the babies. Tom remained in his forever perch on the front porch. I saw other people wander in and out of their houses, intermittently, checking the streetscape and their neighbors' activities. Kids raced by on their bicycles, apparently aware that summer is slipping away, school classrooms just around the corner, waiting to capture and hold their energies. Cooler air certainly invites more movement and more activity.

And I awoke this morning, just after five, rested and energized by the notion that I could have almost TWO FULL HOURS to read email, check Facebook postings, write here and simply enjoy the luxury of time to myself, a commodity that has become much more dear in the past two weeks with this new job.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you . . .

Reflecting on my first week of work

Dragon Mood? -- capturing some thoughts swirling around in my head

It's the morning of my fourth day of work after 15 months of unemployment and job seeking. I am still in the throes of adapting back to a work life and work schedule. Some random thoughts of mine:

• It takes energy to be 'on task', paying attention, soaking up information, not looking like you're wasting time. This week, in particular, I'm very aware of projecting good perceptions of myself as a worker.
• I am surprised and truly pleased at how much I'm enjoying the small-company atmosphere of this workplace. It's been well over 20 years since I worked in such a small group and I like it!
• Comparing this workplace environment to my last employer's workplace environment, I am struck by how confining, restrictive and fearful a place my former place of employment was. Truly STRUCK! How did I survive in such a place? Just based on the number of times I've thought about that in the past three days, that old, negative environment left much more of a scar on me than I ever realized before now.
• A new coworker made some casual yet negative comments about President Obama yesterday.  I didn't bite on them and after sleeping on it, I think I'm going to keep my political tendencies to myself.  I just don't want to get in a political pissing match with coworkers ... not yet, at least.
• My work wardrobe is feeling a bit old and worn.  I need to keep my eyes open for some snappy, casual clothes to supplement these poor old work horses.
• I am about to jump off the high dive today and begin talking with clients OUT THERE. A bit scary, you know? But I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that I'm going to succeed and will do well at connecting with people. Hopefully, I can make a difference in some peoples' lives, help them get employed ... and I can become a successful recruiter. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Psychopomp

Dragon Mood? -- elated

Scanning an old, familiar website, I found a new one, Wordsmith, which I think I will be revisiting frequently!

The word, psychopomp, caught my eye:

PRONUNCIATION:
(SY-ko-pomp)

MEANING:
noun: A guide of souls, one who escorts soul of a newly-deceased to the afterlife.

ETYMOLOGY:
From Greek psychopompos (conductor of souls), from psycho-, from psyche (breath, spirit, soul) + pompos (conductor, guide).

USAGE:

"Harold Bloom here presents himself as a mystagogue and a soothsayer, a psychopomp of our times, conducting souls into unknown territories."
~ Marina Warner; Where Angels Tread; The Washington Post; Sep 15, 1996

I AM excited!

A nice little surprise

Dragon Mood? -- happy for her

What a happy discovery! I learned on Facebook this morning that the young woman who lived with us for six months in 2007 got engaged over the weekend. Congratulations, Erin!

[And my goodness -- it must be my mindset, given Josh's recent engagement -- suddenly I'm so noticing so MANY MORE engagements and weddings! Hmmph!]

Up North Surprise

Dragon Mood? -- pleased

Once upon a time ... a certain person's mother decided that the only way to fill the void in her life was to shop, buy things, spend money (she truly couldn't afford to spend) and fill her house with knick-knacks, geegaws and other useless decorative frou-frou.  Did I mention to the point of bursting?

This aging mother (I'll call her Ally) is now in serious financial trouble and may actually lose her home and be forced to move.  Ally vehemently denies being a hoarder.  I mean V-E-H-E-M-E-N-T-L-Y!   She becomes highly volatile and agitated  at any suggestion that she is responsible for the cluttered, claustrophobic condition of her home.

Imagine my apprehension then at S and my plans to drive to Ally's home, three hours away, and work with her to go through possessions, sort things into keep/donate/trash piles and possibly move some furniture.

My apprehension was not without cause.  Within 15 minutes of our arrival, Ally's face became suffused with anger over the alleged judgmental 'look' on my face, followed with the statement, "You can leave and don't come back."  (Breathing out slowly.)  Okay.

I became quiet and avoided eye contact, much like you would with a scary, threatening dog.  (The adjective, "junkyard" comes to mind.)  Thankfully, that was the one and only outburst from Ally.

From that point on, S and I were able to move (correction, barely move) a large, overstuffed sofa (big armrolls, fancy scalloping on the back and huge cabbage rose upholstery) out the front door and to the garage for temporary storage.  That is, after S removed the front door off its hinges.  And then we struggled afterward to remount the door because the hinges were never properly aligned when originally installed.  Sheesh!

But getting that oversized sofa out of the living room was only the first step.  We took out two upholstered white chairs, along with a big heavy oak entertainment center (thankfully equipped with rolling wheels), several dark, dated side tables, a magazine rack, some lamps, a large television set and four or five wooden and painted chairs.  Our piece de resistance was a double-size mattress and box springs that had been previously professionally wrapped and stored in a pole barn.  S and I used a heavy-duty dolly to pull them.  As she pulled the dolly through a two-track sandpile, I literally had to run to keep up with her, my task to hold the mattress and box springs upright.   But we did it and we made it!  YaY!

Ally, to her credit, had been working since our previous trip to sort and organize items.  She had almost a dozen grocery bags filled with unwanted clothing (mostly Grandma's) that she had washed, folded and packed.  Those all went out to the garage to eventually be loaded in our truck.  A tacky bathroom shelving unit stowed forever in the main hallway of the house went out to the garage for donation.  (It's amusing to me how getting rid of certain items carries much more emotional weight and gratification than others.  Who knew?)  Ally sorted and I carried boxes and bags of old magazines for recycling.  By midafternoon, we ordered a pizza and moved out to the pole barn in the backyard.

Hoarding is an odd, curious phenomenon to me.  Ally is the only person that I am intimate enough with to see it up close.  Certain things appear to hold an unusual attraction for her:  glass jars of all sorts and sizes, coffee makers, tiny collectibles (she has an entire case filled with miniature tea sets), certain magazines (National Geographic and Smithsonian being the preeminent ones, because of their 'educational' value?).  She has glass everywhere.  Cut glass, leaded glass, ordinary glass, old Cheese-Whiz jars -- if it's glass, she hoards it.

But, here's the good thing. For all of my apprehensions and S's apprehensions, we had an incredibly productive day, a SURPRISING day, a day (almost) without any emotional blowups, and we drove home late that night feeling pretty good about our day's work. Let's have a BIG SMILE all around!

QOTD - July 28, 2010

Dragon Mood? -- nodding my head in agreement

The only person who is with you your entire life is you. Make peace with yourself. (From @reneeludwigs)

Saturday reverberations

Dragon Mood? -- life-changing goosebumpy

Still catching up from the awesome news that my son, Josh, and his girlfriend, Leah, in a few short moments, made the life-changing, goosebumps transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to engaged or betrothed.

But first a message from our sponsor, on the origins of the word, "betrothed."

Origin:
1275–1325; ME [Middle English] betrouthe, variation of betreuthe ( be- be- + treuthe truth; see troth)

—Synonyms
1. engage, promise, pledge, plight.

To me, betrothal is an old-fashioneded word, almost verging on archaic(?). Nowadays, we refer to a couple as being "engaged" rather than betrothed. Curiously, the definition above left me unsatisfied, like a bad fast-food meal, so I dug a bit more and found some historical context for the "betrothal" at Wikipedia.

Historically betrothal was a formal contract, blessed or officiated by a religious authority. Betrothal was binding as marriage and a divorce was necessary to terminate a betrothal. Betrothed couples were regarded legally as husband and wife - even before their wedding and physical union

I didn't know that did you? So Josh, your proposing to Leah at sunrise on Lake Michigan was no hey-whaddaya-say sort of thing. It was the REAL DEAL -- and knowing you for the principled, responsible young man that you are -- as you were most likely well aware.

QOTD - July 27, 2010

Dragon Mood? -- pondering this

Optimism is joyful searching; pessimism is a prison of fear and a clutching at illusionary safety. ~ K.A.Brehony (thanks to @CoachCecily for this)

Replete with happiness

Dragon Mood? -- smiling, tickled pink, thrilled

This weekend I was unplugged from my laptop and as a result, the internet.  Since I don't have a 'smart phone,' I didn't have a chance to share with you the good news I got this weekend.

I was up early Saturday morning, dressed, with a cup of coffee in hand when my cell phone rang.  It was Josh.  I'm thinking to myself, what is he doing calling me at 8:15 on a Saturday morning (7:15 his time in Milwaukee).  Is everything okay?

After a little chit-chat (rain, sinkholes, really?), he told me that he had proposed to Leah.  And Leah, also on the phone, said that she had accepted.  Yay!!

I am so happy and excited for both of them!

Slyly creeping in when I wasn't looking

Dragon Mood? -- reflecting

Days and weeks are slipping by.  I have been unemployed or 'job seeking' as the (politically correct) career counselors would have me describe myself for 15 months now.  That's a pretty significant chunk of time.  In the moments when I'm not looking at job postings, exploring companies, networking with new and old contacts, I have time to think and to reflect.

And with my reflection, would you like to know what I realized?  (Drumroll, please.)   I am aging.

I can see it in my skin, most obviously on my face, but also on the backs of my hands, my forearms, even the skin around my ankles.  In all those places and probably many more, my skin is beginning to take on that 'old lady' look which I never imagined myself having.  Horrors!

For a year or two, I've been commenting about the blotchiness of my forearms.  My doctor informs me this is from sun damage.  While I like being out in the sun, I have never been one of those crazy people who oil themselves up and bake in the sun for hours.  Never!  Imagine my surprise at her diagnosis.

My face is holding up reasonably well.  Being overweight does have its advantages.  I have incredibly few wrinkles around my eyes.  I credit my mother (thanks, Mom) for the genetic benefits she bestowed on me with her creamy, wrinkle-defying skin.  I believe living with S and her easygoing attitude towards life has helped me immensely in letting go and not scrunching up my face over things with which I have no control.  I rarely worry and generally feel happy.  I take Bobby McFerrin at his word!

Happily, there are some things I'm doing right:

• drinking lots of water
• drinking lots of green tea
• not drinking excessive quantities of alcohol
• getting enough sleep
• applying sun protection to my skin when I know I'll be in the sun

My downfall?

• Not enough exercise
• Sedentary lifestyle (push away from the laptop, Mary!)

If anything is contributing to my aging process, I would guess it it's simply not moving enough.  Unlike some others, I don't believe that you have to whip up a drenching sweat at the gym on the cardio machine each day.  I believe that movement, whether walking the dog, running up and down stairs doing laundry, working out in the yard to name a few, will suffice.

Are you moving?  I'm moving, I'm moving!

Nailed

Dragon Mood? -- in pain yet remorseful at my murderous reaction

While trimming a wildly overgrown vine on the side of the house, I attracted the unwanted attention of an immense and apparently ANGRY bumblebee.

Bumblebee

This bee was so aggressive I presumed it was a male, but I learned later it was most likely a female I had threatened or perhaps even disturbed her nest. She was out to GET me! She landed on one gloved hand, I brushed her away and she went right for the other gloved hand. I watched as she landed and immediately felt her stinger in the back of my hand. She actually landed stinger first and stung me through a heavy work glove!  I knocked her down and (I hate to admit it) I stepped on her and killed her.

I kept working but my hand hurt.  I eventually came in, put some Benadryl on it and finished my job.  I stupidly didn't think to try to pull out the stinger (as if I could see one without reading glasses!) and within an hour or so, my hand began to swell and itch.  I did use the old baking soda paste remedy which 'cooled' it a bit, but my hand is still swollen this morning and tender to the touch.

I bet it's been easily twenty years, maybe even twenty-five years since my last bee sting.  I remember as a child my shock that a bee would want to hurt me.  I can't say my feelings have changed over the years.

Sorry, Lady Bee, I didn't mean to disturb your nest, much less destroy you.  I'm feeling bad about that.

Friday night dream #2

Dragon Mood? -- exhilarated

Have you read my first remembered dream of Friday night? I'm still feeling quivery from it, just reading and recalling it.

Here's how my second dream began:

I was feeling lonely and went to visit Caroline [my daughter] - except Caroline was not living in Madison but more like an English hamlet out of a Harry Potter book.

We were in her backyard. It looked a bit cluttered with chairs and a firepit and other nameless things.

I don't remember telling her I was lonely, but she seemed to know that I needed some engagement, some comforting perhaps.

Caroline took what looked like some remnant of a structure, some 2 x 4s and some plywood, nailed together, 'climbed aboard' it and had me climb on too. Then we began to levitate off the ground, me holding tightly to Caroline, because I'm afraid of heights. [Editorial note: these Friday night dreams seem to be preoccupied with my irrational fears and phobias.]

The first few minutes of flying, I was focused on my fear, making sure to keep a firm grasp of Caroline (some might call it a 'death hold'), her strength and her confidence. I barely remember the ride.

When we came back to the ground of her backyard, she hopped off and I began to levitate off the ground myself. The structural remnant was morphing at the same time into something that felt more like a 4 x 4 post or even a pole. At this point, I wasn't feeling fear but exhilaration.

At first, I could bare lift myself off the ground, hovering only inches above. Then I began to get more lift, the ground began to fall away and Caroline began to grow smaller. I tentatively flew in the direction of her English hamlet house, painted a deep yellow, with this curious sponge-like texture. As I got closer, I realized with surprise that her house walls were made of baked cornbread with little flecks of green and red pepper embedded in them. Imagine that!

My confidence grew and I made more turns and flew higher. Yes, I was actually flying! Whoo-hoo!

Now as I looked down, Caroline's yard looked like a square in a patchwork quilt, smaller and just one of many. All the lawn chairs and yard equipment were gone along with Caroline. Where did she go, I wondered?

There was a slight shift in my dream and I was flying lower again. Now there were people standing around in the yards, watching as I flew above them. I had the dawning realization that I was no longer flying with my arms and legs wrapped around a pole, but a broomstick, yes, an honest-to-goodness broomstick! These people must think I'm a witch! I thought to myself.

Flying lower and slower, as I whooshed by them, individuals in the crowd started reaching out to me, many with hankies or tissues in their hands. As I flew by, they moved to hand me the hankie or as to wipe something off of my face. What's on my face? What's on my face?

A man made a swipe at my cheek as I flew by him. What's on my face?

No one said a word, but continued to offer me help.

What's on my face?

End of the dream.

When I woke up, I felt like pushing my obsessive tendencies to the side and allowing the exhilaration of flying to return!

Friday night dream #1

Dragon Mood? -- just read the post and then you'll know

"Plain Jane" and "slightly obsessive" are the phrases I would use to describe my typical dreams. If I told you I had vivid dreams Friday night, would you believe me? Vivid, I tell you. Capitol V - I - V - I - D!

My first dream began like this:

I was in an unknown place, with too many walls, no natural light and full of 90 degree turns. There was a cat in my dream that appeared to be all by itself and very shy of humans, as well. I picked it up once and then set it back down.

More time went by in the dream and I picked the cat up once again. It was a short hair cat and it still had all its claws. The most remarkable thing about it was that its fur was comprised of stripes, tiny colorful stripes, and even more remarkable, there were blue stripes on this cat!

As I was holding the cat, I continued to admire its beautiful coloring. It lay still in my arms. Then it turned its head to look at me and I noticed its head was rather flat for a cat. Did this cat even have ears? I don't recall now. Its head actually had a reptilian quality to it. Then, as the cat turned away from me, I noticed that its head looked more like a snake's head than a cat's.

Dream or no dream, I hate snakes! I immediately put the reptilian cat down and it slunk away. Whew!

End of dream.

My Dragon Mood? -- Label me "totally creeped out"

Thought

Dragon Mood? -- reflecting

Thought for the day from an old spiritual journaling book I find cleaning out a closet entitled "In Good Company" from the Pilgrim Press. As to WHY it was in that closet is another question for another day!

Experience the inherent joy
....... in the uncounted connections
......... the chance meetings
.............. the daily encounters full of delight.

Exercise as a drug

Dragon Mood? -- what are the implications for me?

While surfing around the web, I ran across a site authored by a Dr. Mercola, MD. Usually I regard these types of sites as quasi-spam, but reading his content, it actually made some sense to me.

I particularly liked this quote below:

I actually view exercise as a drug with regard to being properly prescribed and having proper dosage, And it's one that you can readily substitute for some of the most common drugs used today for things like diabetes, heart disease and depression. All of these conditions will improve with exercise and with the help of an experienced natural health care clinician.

... And as I've explained on countless occasions, normalizing your insulin levels is the most important factor for optimizing your overall health and preventing disease of all kinds, from diabetes, to heart disease, to cancer, and everything in between.

It runs neck and neck with vitamin D as the two most important physical elements that you can do to improve your health.

Brother Squares, Sister Triangles

Dragon Mood? -- fondly remembering

Iwoke up this morning, thinking about my son, Joshua, remembering him as a little boy.

One of the things I remember is making Josh peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches. The current (at that time) parenting gurus all advised giving children choices whenever possible, in order to stimulate their thinking, be more self-aware and to get comfortable learning to make decisions(!).

One of the choices I gave Josh was how did he want his sandwich cut? Brother Squares or Sister Triangles? Brother Squares was cutting the sandwich into four quarters, from midpoint to midpoint of each side of the bread, creating four small squares. Sister Triangles, as you may guess, was cutting the sandwich through the corner points of the bread, thus making four small triangles.

My recollection, though hazy, is that Caroline usually selected triangles, hence the name. Josh initially liked the orthogonal cuts, so they became Brother Squares. Later, he would change it up, selecting one, then the other, torn between his admiration for his god-like, older sister and his need to differentiate himself from the tyrant who was that same sister. I chuckle as I write, remembering this.

Josh, now with a degree in mathematics and a successful actuary, works with numbers, probability and risk.   Laying in bed, it suddenly occurred to me and I laughed at myself as I pondered it, why didn't I introduce him to Brother Squares, Sister Triangles and Buckminster Fuller Hexagons?   What kind of awesome choices would those have been?

June Twenty-Third

Dragon Mood? -- marking the passage of time in wonder!

Today is a day filled with remarkable events.



Here are the first four that come to mind for me:

• President Obama accepted the resignation of U.S. General Stanley McChrystal, the chief military officer of the war in Afghanistan, after he made unprofessional remarks in an interview with the magazine, Rolling Stone
• A 5.0 earthquake hit in Ontario with shocks felt in Boston, Cleveland and Detroit (lucky or not, I felt nothing)
• Federal investigators handed down a 19-count indictment against former Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick.  Insiders say this is only the tip of the iceberg in prosecuting his misdeeds.
• On a more personal note, today, June 23rd is the day that my ex-husband and I married. If we were still married, this would be our 37th anniversary. I must admit I'm amazed to think about the passage of that much time!  As a young, brash 20-something, I could never have anticipated the twists and turns of my life as they've occurred.

Where am I?

Dragon Mood? -- travel-weary

This post reminds me of a long-ago movie called If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium.

Because of the generosity of several family members, I was able to attend the funeral for my Uncle Hemie. This involved some travel logistics, logistics I will summarize in this way:

• Night One - mid-Michigan
• Night Two - Chicago
• Night Three - Beaumont, TX
• Night Four - Houston, TX
• Night Five - Madison, WI
• Night Six - Milwaukee, WI

Suffice to say, that by Night Seven, I was rather tired and ready to sleep in my own bed.  Which I happily did!

Remembering Uncle Hemie

Dragon Mood? -- sadly remembering

A death in the family, no matter how much it may be expected, still comes as a shock ...

Two weeks ago, my cell phone rang shortly after eight o'clock. Looking at the screen, I saw the call was from my sister. Hmmm, I wondered. This is an unusual time for her to call.

She was calling to tell me of our Uncle Hemie's death. He had died that morning, Wednesday, June 9, 2010, around 5 a.m. The remarkable thing was that he and my Aunt Doris had actually talked with one another shortly before his death.

Uncle Hemie was 88. He had lived a full and vigorous life. These last two years, he struggled, breathing with the help of an oxygen tank 24/7, his world drastically shrunk by his poor health.

I will miss Uncle Hemie.  He was such a gentle man, soft-spoken but a master at telling stories, many of them filled with humor and his droll wit.  His eyes were the twinkling sort.  His hands were thick and well-worn, burnished with hard work and do-it-yourself projects, and I often saw him with his fingers interlaced as if in silent, private prayer.  He was a spiritual man and a faithful believer.  He looked forward to being with Jesus in heaven.

Alice B. Toklas

Dragon Mood? -- vindicated

Check. Another book completed: The Biography of Alice B. Toklas by Linda Simon.

I've always been curious about Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas. Having read this biography, Toklas comes off as an incredibly loyal (most especially to Gertrude), but oddly discomforting person, given to jealousy and cutting off friendships. Gertrude sounds like she was a much more approachable and genial person. While Gertrude worked to secure her reputation as a 'genius' writer, her writing sounds rather repetitive, stream-of-consciousness-like and to my ears, a bit odd (the biographer offers samples in an appendix). What made Toklas and Stein truly interesting (to me) was the company they kept:  Matisse, Picasso, Thornton Wilder and many others.

Because these two women were more of the Victorian era than a 20th-century mindset, they led very circumspect lives. I wish the biographer had had more to work with relative to their relationship as 'modern day' lesbians. I kept finding myself wanting to know more.

I did learn that the phrase, "a rose is a rose is a rose" originated with Gertrude Stein. I feel curiously happy at that and vindicated that I spent the time reading the book.

Pondering my creativity

Dragon Mood? -- enthused

Now that I'm exploring some educational opportunities, my interest in creativity, specifically MINE, is on the rise. Here's an article from PsyBlog that caught my eye. (I've copied it in its entirety so I can reference it in the future and not find a frustrating broken link.)

Boost Creativity: 7 Unusual Psychological Techniques

Looking for the last piece of the puzzle? Try these 7 research-based techniques for increasing creativity.

Everyone is creative: we can all innovate given time, freedom, autonomy, experience to draw on, perhaps a role model to emulate and the motivation to get on with it.

But there are times when even the most creative person gets bored, starts going round in circles, or hits a cul-de-sac. So here are 7 unusual creativity boosters that research has shown will increase creativity:

1. Psychological distance
People often recommend physical separation from creative impasses by taking a break, but psychological distance can be just as useful.

Participants in one study who were primed to think about the source of a task as distant, solved twice as many insight problems as those primed with proximity to the task (Jia et al., 2009).

◊ For insight: Try imagining your creative task as distant and disconnected from your current location. This should encourage higher level thinking.

2. Fast forward in time
Like psychological distance, chronological distance can also boost creativity.

Forster et al. (2004) asked participants to think about what their lives would be like one year from now. They were more insightful and generated more creative solutions to problems than those who were thinking about what their lives would be like tomorrow.

Thinking about distance in both time and space seems to cue the mind to think abstractly and consequently more creatively.

◊ For insight: Project yourself forward in time; view your creative task from one, ten or a hundred years distant.

3. Absurdist stimulation
The mind is desperate to make meaning from experience. The more absurdity it experiences, the harder it has to work to find meaning.

Participants in one study read an absurd short story by Franz Kafka before completing a pattern recognition task (Proulx, 2009). Compared with control participants, those who had read the short story showed an enhanced subconscious ability to recognise hidden patterns.

◊ For insight: read Alice in Wonderland, Kafka's Metamorphosis, or any other absurdist masterpiece. Absurdity is a 'meaning threat' which enhances creativity.

4. Use bad moods
Positive emotional states increase both problem solving and flexible thinking, and are generally thought to be more conducive to creativity. But negative emotions also have the power to boost creativity.

One study of 161 employees found that creativity increased when both positive and negative emotions were running high (George & Zhou, 2007). They appeared to be using the drama in the workplace positively.

◊ For insight: negative moods can be creativity killers but try to find ways to use them—you might be surprised by what happens.

5. Combining opposites
Interviews with 22 Nobel Laureates in physiology, chemistry, medicine and physics as well as Pulitzer Prize winning writers and other artists has found a surprising similarity in their creative processes (Rothenberg, 1996).

Called 'Janusian thinking' after the many-faced Roman god Janus, it involves conceiving of multiple simultaneous opposites. Integrative ideas emerge from juxtapositions, which are usually not obvious in the final product, theory or artwork.

Physicist Niels Bohr may have used Janusian thinking to conceive the principle of complementarity in quantum theory (that light can be analysed as either a wave or a particle, but never simultaneously as both).

◊ For insight: set up impossible oppositions, try ridiculous combinations. If all else fails, pray to Janus.

6. Path of most resistance
When people try to be creative they usually take the path of least resistance by building on existing ideas (Ward, 1994). This isn't a problem, as long as you don't mind variations on a theme.

If you want something more novel, however, it can be limiting to scaffold your own attempts on what already exists. The path of most resistance can lead to more creative solutions.

◊ For insight: because it's the path of least resistance, every man and his dog is going up and down it. Try off-road

7. Re-conceptualisation
People often jump to answers too quickly before they've really thought about the question. Research suggests that spending time re-conceptualising the problem is beneficial.

Mumford et al. (1994) found that experimental participants produced higher quality ideas when forced to re-conceive the problem in different ways before trying to solve it. Similarly a classic study of artists found that those focused on discovery at the problem-formulation stage produced better art (Csikszentmihalyi & Getzels, 1971).

◊ For insight: forget the solution for now, concentrate on the problem. Are you asking the right question?

Everyday creativity
Despite all the high falutin talk of Nobel Prize winners and artists, all of these methods can be applied to everyday life.

Combining opposites, choosing the path of most resistance, absurdism and the rest can just as easily be used to help you choose a gift for someone, think about your career in a new way or decide what to do at the weekend. 'Off-duty' creativity is just as important, if not more so, than all that 'serious' creativity.

A la Mary Poppins!

Dragon Mood? -- smiling as I remember

I dreamt last night that I was back at my former employer, working on a temporary, contract status. It was Friday afternoon and I watched all my former colleagues walk out, heading home for the weekend.

I stayed until after four o'clock, got my coat and walked out. Outside it was winter and there were huge embankments of snow piled up and pushed up against tall white factory building walls. I started walking on one of these embankments, not seeing a way to get to my car. The embankment narrowed and narrowed until I had no choice other than to slide down it or turn around and retrace my steps. A la Mary Poppins, I lifted my arm above my head (unfortunately, sans umbrella) and stepped/slid down the steep wall of snow as though it were nothing. I remember feeling very pleased with myself that I wasn't afraid or hesitant.

As I got in my car, I suddenly remembered that I would be camping next week by the lake and gee, I didn't tell anyone at work about this. I mulled it over for a few minutes and decided, "Hey, they laid me off once, what do I have to be afraid of? I'm going camping."

A pretty cavalier attitude about a job to be sure, but then again, it WAS a dream!

Warm air, gentle drone

Dragon Mood? -- slighty sweaty and relaxed

As the granddaughter of a farmer, I feel compelled to give a weather report. It's partly cloudy, warm, higher humidity than the past couple of days and almost no breeze to keep us cool. Report done.

I'm sitting in the camper, mid-afternoon, trying to stay cool and taking a 'break' from my sudoku to write. S and her mom are outside at the picnic table, talking. I've experienced this many times before with the two of them, where they are tete-a-tete, head-to-head, conversing intently, me slightly removed but within earshot. There is something profoundly pleasing and comforting listening to the up-and-down pitch of their conversation, the drone of it, if you will. I don't know if it reminds me of my mother and grandmother when I was a little girl or what other emotional dynamic it taps, but I find it oddly comforting -- like all is right with the world.

S called her mom this morning and invited her out for a late breakfast. She cooked thick-sliced bacon in the electric skillet (don't even ask about the saturated fats we ate!) and then a small carton of southwestern-flavored Egg Beaters. Just typing it makes me laugh -- what a meal of nutritional and dietary contradictions! Nevertheless, the eggs and bacon were outstanding, improved only by the fresh air and the lakeside vista. Sally brought some large naval oranges and a ruby-red grapefruit which she cut up and we then happily slurped and sucked up all their sweet juices.

This IS a relaxing vacation. After all the preparation and grunt work required to get ready, I'm starting to think it may have been worth it. Beyond minimal maintenance tasks around the camper, I'm doing as little as possible. My goal? To get bored out of my gourd. :-)

In camping heaven

Dragon Mood? -- incredibly relaxed

Here is my current view: sitting at a picnic table, a dozen tall pine trees to my left, pop-up camper to my right, straight ahead the cool, rippling waters of Otsego Lake.

S and I are camping here for several days, taking a break from the rat race. It is incredibly beautiful here, warm breezes, sunny skies and this gorgeous lake to behold. I feel very lucky to be here with S, enjoying so much pleasure and beauty. I am taking a vacation from beating myself up on my employment status. It feels good!

More later.

It's ALL about the Lists!

Dragon Mood? -- memory smoked & singed on the edges

Big list, little list AND a list for the weekend. Oy vey!

S and I are taking four days to do some camping next week. Then we are visiting some friends who have an eye-popping view of Lake Michigan from their living room windows. We all enjoy bridge, never get to play bridge and ARE GOING TO play bridge with one another! Yeah!

I got ahead of myself. So, the lists, big and small, are to ensure that I get everything done that I need to, pack this, turn off that, send this bill, pick up that item. Another OY VEY!

Goodreads

Dragon Mood? -- pleased

Housekeeping note. I just added a widget for Goodreads, a web app that enables you to catalog the books you've read, are reading and hope to read. Then, it prompts you to share those with others. I LIKE it!

Mary's bookshelf: read




More of Mary's books »

Employers, I am STILL USEFUL!

Dragon Mood? -- hovering between discouragement, anger and resignation

Reading various articles on this sunny Friday morning, I found another that spells out what I've been experiencing and suspecting.

Here's an excerpt of the article from Yahoo Finance:

... Millions of workers who have already been unemployed for months, if not years, will most likely remain that way even as the overall job market continues to improve [my emphasis], economists say. The occupations they worked in, and the skills they currently possess, are never coming back in style. And the demand for new types of skills moves a lot more quickly than workers — especially older and less mobile workers — are able to retrain and gain those skills.
...
Additionally, the unemployment numbers show a notable split in the labor pool, with most unemployed workers finding jobs after a relatively short period of time, but a sizable chunk of the labor force unable to find new work even after months or years of searching. This group — comprising generally older workers [my emphasis] — has pulled up the average length of time that a current worker has been unemployed to a record high of 33 weeks as of April. The percentage of unemployed people who have been looking for jobs for more than six months is at 45.9 percent, the highest in at least six decades.

In one of those ironic, laughable-but-not-funny ways, this article, entitled "In a Job Market Realignment," describes how peoples' lives are being derailed and hurt by corporate actions. Kind of like 'downsizing'. It sounds so innocuous, doesn't it? Not when you consider that downsizing means people can't pay for healthcare coverage, frequently lose their homes, may have to visit food banks. Not innocuous at all.

You know how today it's not cool to be negative, spout off negative feelings or anything smacking of sour grapes? Simply NOT COOL. My brain is moving the words around, like puzzle pieces, attempting to find a PC way of saying this:

My current status as a JOBSEEKER unfortunately is simply a result of a JOB MARKET REALIGNMENT. ArrrrghHH!

Reading

Dragon Mood? -- antsy to read

Just a quick, housekeeping note that I added a list, "Books I'd LIKE to Read," to the column on the right. My to-do reading list is GROWING! I need to get at it!

The Way We're Working isn't Working

Dragon Mood? -- a sense of 'my' truth being spoken?

From Wall Street, to the lagging economy, to Greece and the "euro zone," to our broken regulatory system, to the high-speed computer trading system that might have played a role in last week's mini-meltdown in the stock market, to those two wars we're still in a decade later, it's clear that something is wrong. End of quote.

This quote, from a Huffington Post article, promotes the book, The Way We're Working Isn't Working. It's written by Tony Schwartz and Jean Gomes.

Here's what caught my eye about the book: our society, our world is operating under the myth that "human beings operate most productively in the same one-dimensional way computers do: continuously, at high speeds, for long periods of time, running multiple programs at the same time." That's a MYTH, not a statement of prescription.

Schwartz and Gomes go on to say however, that our basic survival instincts are to renew our energy. We're good at spending it and not so good at renewing it.

So, our culture tells us to go faster and faster, work 24/7, always be connected, checking emails, blah-blah-blah. Meanwhile, what we REALLY need is downtime. Time to renew our energy. Time to recharge.

Is it any wonder that things feel so accelerated? Everybody on information overload? Everybody working crazy long hours?

And for me, personally, is it any wonder that this is yet ANOTHER brick in the wall barring me from employment? I'm in my late 50s. I don't have the energy of a 30-something, nor do I want it. I'm happy being who I am. Yet, corporate culture doesn't appear to have room or make room for a slower pace, for renewal, for recharging. NO ROOM.

Am I simply spewing sour grapes? Am I trying to justify my inability to get a job with some authors' hypotheses? Just between you and me, I don't think so.

Thursday

Dragon Mood? -- quiet

Thursday.

Cloudy, rainy weather.

Quiet.

Reflective.

Stillness.

Good.

Photoshop installed

Dragon Mood? -- excited

Sometimes, I hold off, waiting to do something when I should just jump in and do it. I just DID it!

One year as a Christmas gift, S gave me a copy of Photoshop. What a treat! Over the years, I have played and played inside of it, learning little bits here and there, accumulating knowledge. Words don't begin to convey my pleasure working with PS. It's just a phenomenal piece of software.

Anyway ... I finally installed it on my laptop, FINALLY! It's so much faster, more responsive than it was on the old dog desktop. I still have files I need to transfer but at least now, I've got Photoshop HERE where I'm spending most of my computer face time. Whoo-hoo, Yippee and a bunch of other jump-in-the-air exclamations!

Thirteen months & counting

Dragon Mood? -- struggling

To borrow from Mr. Rogers, it's a BEAUTIFUL day in the neighborhood... And that's where the loveliness ends.

I have been in the job market for 13 months now. Most people would agree that's a long time. While I don't publish these thoughts in my other more public blogs (which career gurus tell me prospective employers may look at), here I can tell you how difficult, tough and stressful it is to seek work unsuccessfully for so long.

The Huffington Post published an article full of grim statistics on the unemployed. Eighty percent of workers unemployed last summer are STILL out of work. Here's a quote from the original Rutgers report:

A dismal one in five (21%) of those looking for work in August of last year had found it by March of this year. Fully two-thirds (67%) remain unemployed and looking, with the remaining 12% having left the labor market. Of this 12%, more than half say they got discouraged and stopped looking, while the other half have turned their energies to different pursuits, such as school or parenting.

The stats are even more brutal for workers 50 and older: only 12% now have jobs. TWELVE percent! That OTHER 88%, well that's where I fall in. In and down and through the cracks. Ouch!

My neighbor, Jan, across the street, is also unemployed. She lost her job about six weeks before I did. Coincidentally, we are the same age. Coincidentally, we are both still unemployed after sending out countless resumes, networking, preliminary phone interviews, face-to-face interviews, second interviews and still no jobs. Is that a coincidence? Bad luck? We're just a couple of unemployable people after all these years of being employed? What???

I can't believe that both of us could go from being employed, competent, productive workers to unworthy, unemployable schmucks in such a short time. If we haven't changed, then the market has obviously changed. And it no longer has jobs for people like us, like me. And I'm not even sixty yet. What is that all about?

QOTD - April 30, 2010

Dragon Mood? -- like this

A quote that I've heard before and enjoyed:

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

— Margaret Thatcher, served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, 1979-1990

Well said!

Two to the Fifth Birthday

Dragon Mood? -- happily remembering this momentous day!

Two to the fifth, that's how old my baby boy is today. Two squared is four, two cubed is eight, two to the fourth is 16 and two to the fifth is ... THIRTY-TWO!

Happy 32nd Birthday, Josh!

Adding to my book pile

Dragon Mood? -- excited

Taking myself out for a BIG adventure today, I went to the local used bookstore. It's a bookstore right out of a movie, long and narrow, bookshelves to the ceiling, books piled up everywhere. The lone person in the store, a slight, professorial-looking man, greeted me, my book list in hand.

"Do you have your books on a computerized list," I asked.

He replied by tapping the side of his head.

"Wow!" I sighed.

He took my list and turned on his heel. I followed behind. He led me from one book to the next, pulling them off packed shelves with surprising speed.

Here are my NEW used books:

• The Biography of Alice B. Toklas by Linda Simon
• Genius, The Life and Science of Richard Feynman by James Gleick
• A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson
• Amazing Grace, A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris

And now, I have a confession to make.  As I write this post, copying Amazon links to the books, I suddenly realize that the Alice B. Toklas biography I bought is not the autobiography by Gertrude Stein.  Uh-oh!  That's what I thought I was buying.  Silly me.  Well, I suspect I'll still enjoy reading it.

And before diving into any of them, the one I'm most looking forward to is the Kathleen Norris book.

But first, I will finish The Known World by Leonard P. Jones.  I only started it a couple of nights ago and I still have most of the novel to read.  It's an interesting book about a black man who owned slaves in Virginia of the 1850s.  I am enjoying reading his prose.

Quiet Monday

Dragon Mood? -- reflecting on where I'm at

S and I had a good weekend. Sunday afternoon, she commented that she was dreading the work week. And while I listened, I thought to myself, though unemployed, there are things that make me dread this coming work week too.

My unemployment preoccupies my thoughts almost like someone's death, a shocking, unexpected event that echoes and reverberates still throughout almost everything I do. Even after ONE YEAR, I can hardly not think about it.

This preoccupation didn't happen overnight. I initially thought that if I simply did the responsible and necessary things, a job would come my way. I was prepared for it to be long and hard. I honestly didn't prepare myself to be unemployed for more than a year though.

If and when I'm not preoccupied, then I feel this dull numbness, like I'm only half alive. I hate to admit it, but I'm feeling this way more and more.

My confidence is sagging. Things I wouldn't have a given a second thought to nine months ago, now I find myself questioning, "Can you really do that?" If I see a position that sounds interesting with duties or responsibilities that are outside my experience, I find myself thinking, "Well, that eliminates me," or "They won't consider me now." It angers me that I'm thinking like this and yet I find myself doing it over and over again.

I catch myself wanting to whine, "All I want is a little job working on reports or spreadsheets." I think I'm feeling little, diminished, whittled down. Certainly the words, "worn down" fit. I feel utterly worn down by this unemployment.

Today, rather than being hard on myself, I gave myself permission to be gentle, to feel quiet, to feel worn down. After S left for work, I went back to bed and slept another two hours because I was tired. I sketched and drew for over an hour. I took a long hot shower, washed my hair and enjoyed the simple sensations of getting clean. I checked my email once today, but closed it up rather than checking hourly as I usually do.

This afternoon, I was a bit more productive. I paid some bills, went to an ATM and did some money transfers, bought a few groceries, put together some soup in the crock pot and went through mail. I gathered up recycling and put out the trash at curbside, ready for tomorrow morning.

All in all, a quiet Monday.