Whoo-hoo!

Dragon Mood? -- freedom-loving patriot

H A P P Y

F O U R T H

    of   J U L Y ! !

Insomnia ... AGAIN!

Dragon Mood? -- rubbing her sleepy dragon eyes sleepily

While my dear partner, S, is 75 miles away -- on vacation(!) -- I'm here, at the pied-a-terre, supposedly working, er, make that, supposedly SLEEPING ... but I'm not sleeping well when my bedpartner is 75 miles away and it is now 5 minutes to 4. Four A.M.! Grrr ... I don't LIKE having insomnia!

P.S. Just call me ... AND ...


I think Punkymoods needs to add an emoticon for INSOMNIA!

Hello, Goodbye

Dragon Mood? -- feeling the emotional highs and lows of beginnings and endings

Hello, July; Goodbye, June! I'm getting ready to head to bed and realized this will be my last opportunity to post here in June. This working stuff is seriously cutting into my blogging time!

Here in Motown, the-powers-that-be always have Fourth of July fireworks the week before the Fourth of July. Don't ask me why? Because people want to party with the Windsor folks while it's still June? I dunno!

Anyway, with S on vacation at our other house, I was here alone last night for the fireworks. I got my jammies on, turned off the lights and sat in the darkened TV room, watching the spectacular fireworks display over the Detroit River. Despite my 54 years, I felt thrilled and excited along with sentimental and patriotic and joyous. Imagine that -- all from fireworks!

Here's just one (small) sample of the stunning display we all got to watch!


This photo was taken by photographer, John T. Greilick, of the Detroit News.

About the science of gaydar

Dragon Mood? -- enthused

Get up, go now and read this article on homosexuality. I heard the author speak about it today on NPR as I was driving home from work. It's entitled "The Science of Gaydar," which is a bit misleading because it's about so much more than simply gaydar.

Go read it. You won't be sorry!

Startin' up Week TWO!

Dragon Mood? -- reminding my dragon self about that first paycheck that's about to come!

While my honey is on vacation (boo-hoo boo-hoo), I played like one of the seven Dwarfs, donned my work duds and headed off to the salt mines. "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work I go ..." Damn, it's tough to work when others are playing. But damn, it's even harder to complain about having a job after wanting one for so-o-ooo long!

It's not EASY being green

Dragon Mood? -- froggily and dragonly happy

When I saw this "personality test," I couldn't resist! Who can resist the MUPPETS, for crying out loud?

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

A memory dummy!

Dragon Mood? -- chagrined at my sisterly faux pas

Duh ... sometimes, I am such a dumkopf, I could smack myself upside the head! I spoke to my sister, Ruth, an hour or so ago ... we didn't talk long, but I totally forgot to wish her and her husband, Paul a ...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Happy 30th Wedding Anniversary!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Summer Solstice!

Dragon Mood? -- welcoming this warm, wonderful season

And I would be totally remiss if I didn't note that today is the Summer Solstice, the first day of summer.

Solstice comes from the Latin (sol, sun; sistit, stands).
For several days before and after each solstice, the sun appears to stand still in the sky—that is, its noontime elevation does not seem to change.

Get outside!

Stare at the stars!

Howl at the moon!

Enjoy the summer!

Tomorrow is FIVE days!

Dragon Mood? -- embracing the dare-I-say joyful anticipation?

So tomorrow I complete my first week on the new job.   (sigh)   Yeah, the first week is tough! So much pent-up anticipation and energy and yet not enough knowledge or experience to apply it! ArrrghhH!

My boss has either spent enough time with me or directed others my way that I'm getting the clear sense that once I am in the swing of things, I am going to be very busy. Some of it will be daily grind sort of stuff, some of it will involve assessing and responding to exception-to-the-rules sort of situations.

And this all has to do with managing a "conduit" of data between this new company of mine (hee-hee, feels funny to say that) and BIG companies we serve.

I feel a surprising sense of happy anticipation as I embrace this new work journey. I want to do a good job for these folks, for this company ... and I want to do well for myself, make myself proud too.

UPDATE: Interestingly, after I posted this, I went to Astrodienst to check my horoscope. Here's what was posted for me today:

Enlarging your scope

In most areas of your life, you are able to act much more decisively than usual, especially in dealing with others. You know where you stand, and you ask others to let you know where they stand. And despite your self-assertiveness, you are able to create a balance in a group so that everyone benefits from working together and no one feels dissatisfied.

Under this influence you will want to enlarge the scope of your activities somewhat. It will not be enough to express your energies as you have in the past. At this time you want to find new expressions, and you will look for people to share in this. For this reason you want to be with active people who have enough energy to go along with your plans. On the physical level, this is usually a period of good health.

First day on the new job

Dragon Mood? -- merrily singing "Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work I go ..."

Here's the short and sweet on my first day at the new job. I got my ID badge, my parking badge, read, re-read and dilly-dallied over a 68-page PowerPoint presentation -- yes, it was just as bad as you might be imagining it to be -- and then read a 30-page (give or take a few pages) Word document on data standards. Killing me with a thousand pinpricks would be less painful!

Tomorrow will be better. I know it will!

Unexpectedly pissed off!

Dragon Mood? -- pissed off and unexpectedly so!

I stumbled upon one of these light, entertaining "What are you?-" sort of blog tests. But I wasn't expecting to come off as The Middle Finger ... and I wasn't expecting how pissed off it makes me feel! So there!

You Are the Middle Finger

A bit fragile and dependent on your friends, you're not nearly as hostile as you seem. You are balanced, easy to get along with, and quite serious. However, you can get angry and fed up with those around you. And you aren't afraid to show it! You get along well with: The Index Finger Stay away from: The Pinky

What Finger Are You?

I'm chalking these results up to 18 months of insecure, impermanent or non-existent employment. I'm NOT The Middle Finger, dammit! I'm just experiencing a little residual anger, humiliation and rage, that's all!

The goose that lays the golden egg

Dragon Mood? -- ???

My honey, S, and I have talked about this new era for us, with my starting this job only three days from now. Given how many people are looking for jobs and how scarce jobs are these days (in this neck of the woods, anyway), we have agreed that I need to treat this job like it's gold, like it's the goose that lays the golden egg, our meal ticket, our ticket to Easy Street ... let's see, how many more similes do I need to use? You get the picture, right?

So I'm prepared to do that. Yup, I am.

I'm just wondering though ... will I ever have time again to blog? Will I?

Is this another thing that I need to let go, to mourn, to grieve? (heavy sigh)

Stay tuned.

The emotional reverberations

Dragon Mood? -- a bit bewildered

In a previous post, I alluded to "swinging" emotions.

From the giddiness of my initial reaction, I retreated into this almost turtle-like shell of feeling almost nothing. I kept telling people that I am slow to react to events, but even I was amazed at how it didn't feel real, it didn't feel like something that was happening to me and I wondered how long it would take to feel something.

Tuesday, after our whirlwind weekend of constant socializing, I was simply tired. Both physically, mentally and emotionally. I just wanted to sleep. The warm, humid temperatures of June only added to my desire to cocoon and sleep.

The past three days, that has abated somewhat, only to be replaced with this anxiety about my first day on the job, next Monday. Understandable, right?

But, I've also been experiencing sadness, a sense of loss of freedom, almost a grief at the prospect of being "back in the harness," losing my ability to do what I want when I want ... now that I have a job. Imagine going from high anxiety about the lack of a job, the inability to get a job, and the incumbent financial worries that go along with that -- not to mention the loss of health care insurance -- now to feeling sadness and grief that I'm hooked, I'm harnessed, I'm trapped back in the worker bee mode. Waaahh! I've lost freedom that I may never have again!

Is this normal? ... even close to normal? Or am I simply crazy?

June weekend recap

Dragon Mood? -- catching up

Much has happened over this past week and curiously, I simply haven't felt like blogging about it. After having received the news of finally, finally securing a job, my mind has been in a whirl and my emotions have been swinging around enough to make my mind look like it's been sitting still.

Here's a recap of this past weekend's events:

• Friday evening, my sister and brother-in-law, Ruth and Paul, as well as their three children, Aaron, Luke and Jess drove up from Chicago to spend the weekend. Friday evening, we drank wine, ate munchies, ordered pizza, exchanged stories, and toasted ME on the occasion of my new job. Jess, Luke and Aaron also surprised their parents with the news of an informal 30th anniversary party.


• Saturday was a day of errands, scurrying around buying cards (belated graduation for Jess, anniversary for Ruth & Paul, Father's Day for Dad, belated birthday card for Joanne) and small gifts, such as they were. While I now have a job, I still don't have any money coming in right now and it felt very odd to allow myself the freedom to spend money. What a curious feeling!


• Ruth & Paul's party began at 5, but I arrived at John & Kari's lovely home in DeWitt around 4. Ruth, in particular, felt a bit discombobulated at not being involved in party and food preparations -- she was told to "get out of the kitchen." Well!
  
  Aaron, Luke and Jess did a great job of putting the party together. I know it's something they're unaccustomed to, but they did a bang-up job! John & Kari are gracious hosts and put everyone at their ease.
  
  It was enjoyable to see people whom I hadn't seen for quite a while. S and I visited with Ruth's good friend, Anne, a retired attorney now living in Birmingham, Michigan. It felt good to be open about our relationship with her. Paul's dad, Roy, was giving away as well as selling copies of his new book, a first volume (of many) on preaching guides based on the church year. If you're not Lutheran, don't worry if you don't understand. It's all very detailed and parochial. Roy was understandably proud of his efforts.
  
  Luke and his Aunt Mary finally had their drinking time! We worked on three bottles of wine through the evening. We did have some help killing off the old soldiers, but I took precautions to drink loads of water and a piece of bread when I got home.


• Sunday morning I was moving slow, but drove into town to meet Aaron at his grandparents' home to pick up some large terra cotta pots that nobody seemed to want and had been languishing there. Aaron did the heavy lifting while I stood by.
  
  Shortly later, everyone else joined us after finishing the church service they had attended. We all said our round of good-byes and I left.
  
  S and I prepared to head up north to attend Dobie's visitation. We took a brief nap, showered, dressed, loaded up the car and the dog and left about 4. We arrived there after six and paid our respects at the funeral home. Surprisingly, mutual friends of ours, Michelle and Sue, had also driven up for the visitation -- people we haven't seen since December -- so we got to visit and catch up with them as well.
  
  We finished the day by arriving at the home of S's sister, Michelle, and her husband, Jim, to spend the night. I showered, said my good-nights and crashed. S and Michelle sat up and visited for a while.


• Monday morning, S and I dressed, left Cisco with Michelle, and headed back down US-27 to attend the funeral. Kevin made some absolutely delicious Bloody Mary's for us to drink later in the day ... but we all got a pre-funeral taste of their spicy, vodka-infused lusciousness!
  
  The funeral was well-attended and many people recounted loving memories of Dobie. As I had feared, there was an incident regarding who constituted family when it came time for seating the family. Thankfully, there were enough people who recognize Joanne as Jeanne's partner and also recognize her significant contributions over these past months, that Joanne sat in the first row, right next to Jeanne through the service -- as she should have.


• We finished up the day by driving back north to change our clothes, visit with Michelle for about an hour, pack up the dog and head back downstate. We first visited our home in the pines, switched bags and clothes and cars, and then drove the second leg of the journey back here to our pied-a-terre in the city. Whew! Such a lot of driving!

And that was just the weekend!

Good news, good news

Dragon Mood? -- doing dragon hops & squeals!

Finally, finally ... I have GOOD NEWS to report! I got a job and start Monday, June 18th. I'm so ecstatic, so elated, I can hardly see straight! Halleleujah!

That's what I am!

Reflections on Dobie

Dragon Mood? -- the anticipatory waiting is past; now, it's sadly waiting

Earlier this week, I had contemplated writing a blog post about waiting. I was in a waiting mode about a prospective job. S and I were in a waiting mode, wondering about Dobie.

Dobie, Jeanne's father, aged 102, was beginning to decline. Jeanne's partner and our good friend, Joanne, had called us Sunday to forewarn us. He had stopped eating, his breathing had become erratic and the family had called Hospice for intervention. Today Joanne called again to say that Dobie had "passed on," this morning around 7. Jeanne and Joanne and all of Jeanne's family, all of their waiting was over. Our waiting was over. Most importantly though, Dobie's waiting was over.

S and I had the privilege over these past three-and-a-half months to have a number of meals with Dobie, Jeanne and Joanne. It's remarkable to see someone who is that aged, to watch their eyes, to look at their skin, to hear them engage in conversation and interact with others. They have lived so long, have witnessed so much, experienced so many things, from a common-sense standpoint, you would think you'd feel some aura or wellspring of fullness, completeness, overflow -- you know?

But I didn't experience that sensation around Dobie. He felt small, frail and rather diminished. Though his mind was generally quite sharp, he had lost much of his hearing which in turn, inhibited conversation and was quite isolating for him, I imagine. I never saw him walk further than from his bedroom to his Lazyboy chair and then onto the dining room table. He went from walking slowly to walking tentatively to sometimes shuffling.

Rather than having things to look forward to, virtually all of Dobie's conversations centered around the past and past events. Most of my conversations with him were focused on events of the 1920s, 30s and 40s. We rarely spoke about current events. He seemed disinterested in politics or social issues or even the weather. If we talked about the weather, it prompted him to remember some past weather event.

What is that like, to grow so old, to become so "used up" that there's very little left? Is it painful or simply boring? Do you care or is it easier to disengage? Do you patiently bide your time, waiting your turn to die? Better to wholeheartedly ignore the inevitable? Is that what old age is about?

S and I tried several times to "get inside" Dobie's head, but typical of many elderly people, particularly men, he was not given to personal reflection or observations. One time, S asked him point-blank for some general advice and Dobie's response ended with, "Keep your mouth shut!" We were a bit stunned at the harshness of his words, given that he appeared such a gentle and unintimidating individual. Perhaps we never knew the real Dobie. Maybe, that part of him had already disappeared, already used up?

Dobie's life, his very personhood remains something of a mystery. We can neither add to his life nor take anything away. It is what it is. And it is not ours to embellish, to diminish, nor to judge.

Good-bye Dobie. Godspeed. It was great to know you.

Apocalyptic reading

Dragon Mood? -- remembering

While awaiting a much-anticipated phone call, I watched Oprah today. She interviewed Cormac McCarthy, a well-known and respected American author who is intensely private. He has just written a book called The Road, described as a post-apocalyptic novel. My ears immediately perked up.

When I was either a senior in high school or maybe a freshman in college, I read another post-apocalyptic book called A Canticle for Liebowitz. Here's a synopsis of it:

Walter M. Miller's acclaimed SF classic A Canticle for Leibowitz opens with the accidental excavation of a holy artifact: a creased, brittle memo scrawled by the hand of the blessed Saint Leibowitz, that reads: "Pound pastrami, can kraut, six bagels--bring home for Emma." To the Brothers of Saint Leibowitz, this sacred shopping list penned by an obscure, 20th-century engineer is a symbol of hope from the distant past, from before the Simplification, the fiery atomic holocaust that plunged the earth into darkness and ignorance. As 1984 cautioned against Stalinism, so 1959's A Canticle for Leibowitz warns of the threat and implications of nuclear annihilation. Following a cloister of monks in their Utah abbey over some six or seven hundred years, the funny but bleak Canticle tackles the sociological and religious implications of the cyclical rise and fall of civilization, questioning whether humanity can hope for more than repeating its own history. Divided into three sections--Fiat Homo (Let There Be Man), Fiat Lux (Let There Be Light), and Fiat Voluntas Tua (Thy Will Be Done)--Canticle is steeped in Catholicism and Latin, exploring the fascinating, seemingly capricious process of how and why a person is canonized. --Paul Hughes

For whatever reason, that book has always stuck with me. It left a deep and abiding impression on me. It was dark and depressing, but I felt compelled to read it to the end. Even the ending was dark and depressing. Ohh!

Now, I'm debating on whether I want to read McCarthy's book or not. I think so.

5 5 5 _

5 5 5 _
Originally uploaded by megpickard.

Halfway through the year .... and here's where I'm headed.

NO, not to five-hundred and five ... but to FIFTY-FIVE!

As our good friend and neighbor, Jan, would say, "Double-NICKELS!"

Weekend catchup

Dragon Mood? -- remembering

This past weekend feels somewhat like a dream ... hazy, blurred, slow-motion.

Compared to the last four weekends, this one was slow! We didn't head up north for more handicap-ramp-building, but stayed "at home" in the pine forest, amazed at the quantity of pine pollen that coats all surfaces with its fluorescent green. Windshields sported films of green, deck chairs looked like green aliens had plopped in them, even puddles of standing water looked like brackish swamps. Yup, it's definitely pine pollen time.

Saturday was a chore day. I ran numerous errands, buying copious quantities of coffee at Horrocks, grass seed, caulk, dog food at Soldans -- you know, all the fun stuff you can't way to buy!?! S mowed the grass, a huge chore anytime, but made even larger when it's warm and humid. She looked more than a mite wilted when I found her at home, mowing done, drinking a beer. She cut the grass as low as possible and it looked lush and inviting and like a park!

Saturday evening we "treated" ourselves to a carry-out dinner from Woody's that included kibbeh sandwiches, spicy hummus and six stuffed grape leaves. Oh yes, and we splurged and bought a small container of deep-red, pickled turnips as well as a small container of fresh olives. Yum! We hit the video store and rented three DVDs, all light, fluffy comedies for our Saturday "date night" entertainment.

Sunday? Well, Sunday was supposed to be a highly productive day which slowly melted into a barely productive day with lots of staring out the window as rain, rain and more rain fell. Don't get me wrong -- it was absolutely lovely to watch and to listen to -- I was mesmerized. A whole day of dreamy, dreamy dreaminess!

Wrong ... again!

Dragon Mood? -- chagrined?

"Wrong ... again!" is becoming a too-regular theme in my life ... especially recently. You know how I noted here that I didn't think I'd hear from a certain employer again? Well, I was wrong. Thankfully!

I meet with them again today for a second interview, for a second position. Personally, I don't think I'm all that well-qualified for the job, but what do I know? Obviously, this whole unemployment thing has skewed my perspective on me, my qualifications, my abilities and particularly my self-confidence in ways I never saw coming! ArrrghhH!

Call me