and then there's that preoccupation with death ...

Dragon Mood? -- peaceful

People who love me tell me that I'm preoccupied with death. I think about, I talk about it, I even worry about it ... occasionally. Or when I'll admit it. *heh-heh-heh*

I was perusing this morning's online version of the Detroit Free Press when I visually grabbed this article, written by Susan Ager, a regular columnist for the Freep. Here's most of it:

For Aunt Helen, we needed no concrete burial vault. She asked to move, after her death, to a mausoleum.

We did, however, choose a mid-priced casket and enlist the services of a funeral home, including embalming. With other incidentals (transportation, newspaper death notices, holy cards, a tip to the minister) we managed to work the cost of her no-procession, no-limo, five-hour funeral up over $6,000.

This time, like every time I've helped plan a funeral, I think: I sure don't want this for me.

Even the government Web site of the Federal Trade Commission says funerals "rank among the most expensive purchases many consumers will ever make." Many funerals, it says, run well over $10,000 and people rarely dicker with a funeral director.

Neither did we.

For me, the issue isn't money, although I'd rather give $6,000 to a family lacking health insurance. For me, the question is why pioneering Americans still follow rigid funeral industry traditions. First, we rush death from the house, into the hands of strangers. Then, we buy caskets and vaults to pretend to protect a body from inevitable deterioration.

Like plants and animals, our bodies should disintegrate into the earth, to nourish new life.

A simpler way to mourn
This week, I spoke by phone with a woman who has done it differently. Beth Knox of Maryland founded a nonprofit group called Crossings (www.crossings.net) in 1998, after her 7-year-old daughter was killed by an exploding airbag. She has led workshops around the country on after-death care for your loved ones. (See also www.finalpassages.org.)

Beth told me about the death of her mother two years ago: "We kept her at home in New Jersey for three days afterwards. My sister and I bought dry ice to keep her cool. From a funeral home we bought a basic casket, with a base of plywood and a top of heavy cardboard, that fit together sort of like a butter dish. We decorated that with stickers and Magic Markers.

"Then we set it on her dining room table, and my brothers carried her downstairs and lay her in it, and we put flowers and other treasures in it. We had wrapped her in silk, in beautiful clothing, and then we carried the casket feet first out into my sister's van. We drove to the crematory, which has a very nice chapel. We all said good-bye and I sang her a song. And then we put her in.

"A few days later we came back for her ashes, which we sprinkled on the dunes near her beach house. In all, it was the most intimate experience of my life."

Michigan laws a hindrance
Beth's story impressed me. She said the law is generally on the side of families who want to care for their own dead, then bury or cremate them without funeral home fanfare. Activists like her are working to help families stand up against officials who, she says, "often invoke the law inaccurately."

At the Funeral Consumers Alliance (www.funerals.org), though, which keeps track of legal nuances in every state, Josh Slocum said new Michigan laws "pose significant problems for families." His group is working to overturn them but, in the meantime, offers telephone advice at 800-765-0107.

"Your husband," Beth told me, "should have the right to load your body into his vehicle, drive to a crematory and watch as your body is put into the chamber, then come back two hours later for your ashes." Those I hope he will scatter over my garden.

One more trend Beth told me about: "green burial" preserves. In a handful of states (not ours, yet) natural areas are set aside for the burial of bodies in blankets or simple pine boxes, without embalming. Graves are marked with trees, shrubs or fieldstones.

All this pleases me. If I'm going to be dead, it's good to have options.

Well, as for me, skip the burial and just have me cremated.

As for the dry ice and being laid out on the dining room table, *big sigh*, geez, I dunno. I gotta think about that yet.