A "fancy-schmancy" Thanksgiving slide presentation from a national gourmet cuisine retailer came to me by way of email. I forwarded it to several other family members and it snowballed from there:
Nothing like celebrating Thanksgiving the traditional way the pilgrims did. With Cheese Straws and Onion Tarte Tatin.....
(laughing) Geez, S and I are always f*cking thrilled if we get the damn turkey cooked properly! One year we tried grilling it and that was a disaster . It was half-raw. Josh was totally grossed out! I say, anybody who has time to make Cheese Straws and Onion Tarte Tatin, f*ck 'em! Give me plain ol' Turkey Day food ... and lots of alcohol, of course!
I think that’s my new favorite Thanksgiving quote: “I say, anybody who has time to make Cheese Straws and Onion Tarte Tatin, f*ck ‘em!”
Exactly, Mary! A six-course Thanksgiving Day meal should look like this:
1. Bloody Marys
2. Beer
3. Turkey subs from Cousins
4. Football
5. More Beer
6. Irish Whiskey
Well, the half-raw turkey, no matter how you spin it, was pretty disastrous! I think the next year we were still so distressed about it, we had grilled new york strip steaks and flipped Matthew, S 's oldest son, out -- he's quite the believer in tradition! He still talks about that.
And speaking of drinking on Thanksgiving, ask Lina about the year (I think she may still have been in college here on this side of the lake) when she literally passed out at the dining room table, her head nodding and dangerously close to hitting the wild rice stuffing. I couldn't believe it! My beautiful daughter, the drunk! We had probably killed at least three bottles of wine while cooking that day. She got a little warm food in her tummy and bit the dust! (laughing some more)
Hah-hah-hah-hah! Lina hits the wall in between the cranberries and pumpkin pie!
I think, at the time, we called it something more like Stupid Turkey Goddamnit!
Although, we almost had another fiasco last year with the turkey roaster, placed out on the porch so we could keep the oven free for side dishes. We got the bird all prepared, lovely and nice with her rubbing of butter and dousing with lemon and orange juice, her cavity lovingly stuffed with said citrus fruits. And we put her in the roaster to cook…and, only about three hours later, realized we had the temperature a couple hundred degrees too low…DOH!
Yeah, well that was TOTALLY my fault. I misread the instructions and didn't THINK about what I was doing. Thank goodness we discovered it early enough to recover. Whew!
Yes, I did start falling asleep at the table, but I was fully coherent up to that point…Mom thinks anytime I fall asleep after I’ve been drinking, it means I’ve PASSED OUT. Now, me at Matt and Sarah’s wedding, with my feet up on whatever they were up on, and my dress hiked up, THAT was “passed out.” :)
Mom, even though we won’t be there for Thanksgiving, will you still make me some of your wild rice and pork sausage stuffing at Christmas? That stuff is soooooo good…I don’t even need any turkey to go with it…
We can certainly make some, if you want. We also can make our traditional beef stew OR smooshed potato soup for Christmas Eve OR another hoisin sauce-covered pork tenderloin .... AND whaddaya think about making some of your childhood Christmas cookies, the red-iced Santa Clauses and the blue-winged angels?
Speaking of which, you and I NEED to make some more wild Wendish Christmas stockings this year. We have THREE new members of the family: Sarah, Ell and Preston. I know, I know, you hate Ell... but I was thinking, maybe we could put gray felt lumps of coal on her stocking ... and make a hole at the bottom of the stocking ... so all the goodies fall out? (hee-hee)
Hah! Wendish Christmas Cheer at it's best!
Mom! You’re a wicked, wicked wench! I LOVE that about you! :D
Sure, we can make some more stockings! I think Cisco and Dakota need at least one to share, too, as long as we’re at it. And when Mr. Ronbo Delicious decides he wants to come join our party, we’ll make him one, too. Maybe with a semi-naked female elf with big bazongas on it… ;) Mom will put an omelet in it the first year…
Outstanding! but, don't take it personally if I check the bottom of the stocking for holes.....
You BET! It'll be the BEST, the JUICIEST, the HOTTEST omelette you've ever SEEN, SMELLED or TASTED!
And, isn’t it funny that, even though Mom says I “hate” Ell (which I don’t REALLY…but I would like to give her the occasional swift kick in the ass sometimes), the idea for the gray felt lumps of coal and “bottomless stocking” idea was ALL HERS? The wenchiness doesn’t fall far from the tree…
Okey, Miss Smarty-Pants -- what's the difference between falling asleep at the dinner table and PASSED OUT? Huh?
Well, there is some correlation between falling asleep and being at the table when said action occurs that leads oneto term it "passing out," I guess.......
YUP, I'll own up to my share of Wendish Christmas Cheer and Wenchiness. And I love that MY little girl's wenchiness came (at least in part) from me! :-D
Mom, are you coming on to ...?
Uhh .... uhh, NO! I just got carried AWAY with the sensuousNESS of it!
If she is, this will be the first time I've ever heard of omelettes used as a pickup mechanism!
You are just the cutest Mom ever. I can honestly say that’s the first time I’ve ever seen the emphasis put onto the “ness” part of “sensuousness.” That takes cojones!
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