Recapturing a lazy Saturday morning

Dragon Mood? -- enjoying a lazy Saturday morning

Do you know it's been ages, ages, I tell you since I had a lazy Saturday morning to post here? I think back on all the times I wrote in this blog 'back in the day' when days felt longer, the sun traveled a more relaxed circle in the sky and time had no end in sight.

Nowadays, things feel accelerated. Everything is speeding by, at such a pace, it takes deliberate intention and effort to sit down, breathe and relax. And maybe write a bit here or there in this blog.

S and I celebrated our 24th anniversary this past Tuesday, October 26, 2010. Twenty-four years! I can hardly imagine it. Our relationship began innocently enough, coworkers at a work conference held in Hilton Head, South Carolina. We were both married, husbands and children at home, awaiting our return. One night, that last night in Hilton Head, turned my world upside down, S's too. And it was all so very innocent. All we did was share a bed and feel feelings. Amazing thing.

We celebrated our anniversary by going to hear Bob Dylan and his band perform at the MSU Auditorium in East Lansing. I had bought the tickets as a surprise for S. She and I rendezvoused in Wixom, in the Meijers' parking lot around 5:30, drove to Dusty's in Okemos for a quick, light meal and then off to hear Ol' Growly himself. It was a rockin' concert, loud and fun to move to the beat of the music. I felt good about buying the tickets, taking the initiative on celebrating our anniversary, and S thanked me numerous times for doing this for us. Maybe it was the strange windy weather, but something felt different in the air; youth and energy and maybe even a little bit of hopefulness. All this from an old poet minstrel, from another age, another century even.

Josh and Leah continue to be in my thoughts. I listen to music driving to work and I can get tears in my eyes thinking about them, their undiluted joy and happiness at being together, and all that life has waiting for them.

Caroline and Ron experienced the death of a friend this past week, a good friend and motorcycle brother. He died in a motorcycle accident. I haven't had the opportunity nor the heart to ask about the details, but J.D.'s death fuels one of my worst fears, that Ron and Caroline would be hurt or die in an accident like that. I feel so irrational about this, my fears so irrational (what are feelings but irrational?), that I have to keep a really tight leash on myself so that I don't say or do something inappropriate. Like call them up and scream in to the phone, "I TOLD YOU SO! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE BEFORE ME!" (sigh) Like I said, inappropriate.

Work is getting better. Slowly, baby step by baby step, things are getting better. I have a disappointing morning or an unproductive day, but I also have good days where things are cookin', things are humming along and I think, wow, I'm really busy and this feels good.

I had my first candidate start a short-term assignment this past Monday and two more candidates will begin working next week. Yay! Yay for me!

(sigh) It's past noon. Morning is over, time for 'lazy' has passed. Things to do, places to go, people to meet!

Late September and work

Dragon Mood? -- waking up

It's 6:25 a.m. by the digital clock on my laptop, it's dark outside and cold here inside the house. I'm not wanting to turn on the heat just yet, but how much longer can I hold out?

I want to write about my job. I'm in my seventh or eighth week now; I've lost count of the weeks. In weeks four, five, six, my emotions were up and down about it. I'm so accustomed to being good at things I do, it was hard for me to work, work, work with little to no success.

My attitude is a little better now. Each week I am supposed to achieve ten submittals. That works out to two per day for the work week. Last week, I hit eight -- and felt pretty darn good about it. This past Monday, I got two submittals; my first two submittals for a Monday. Another small success.

I have talked with my boss several times about this. Actually, he's asked me how I think things are going. I really appreciate him doing this. It has given me an opportunity to vent a bit, but even better, he offered me feedback -- feedback that I'm doing just fine and he's happy with my work so far.

I enjoy talking with people. I know this sounds weird, but I try to project care and acceptance towards each person I talk to, over the phone. I smile and joke with them during our conversations. Frequently, these jobseekers make me laugh. I am amazed at how often I feel the goodwill of complete strangers.

In a sentence, the job is going well. I LIKE my job!

Thursday's insight

Dragon Mood? -- a dim bulb brightened once again on the importance of attitude

Sometimes, the Divine drops an object lesson right in your lap, right when you need it.

I had a phone conversation with a fellow I'll call Mr. M this morning. Nice enough fellow, but when it came right down to it, he was afraid. Full of fear, mistrust and suspicion. I do not anticipate ever finding this fellow a job. In my humble opinion, his attitude will create roadblocks at every step, at every turn.

Just before lunch, I had another phone conversation with a fellow named Mr. R. What was he like? Pleasant, jovial, even helpful. We laughed over our shared perceptions of the predictable foibles of a large employer here in Michigan. "Hey, give us a quote on a car part. What's it gonna cost us? Yup, that's all the information we're gonna give you."

Similarly, "find us an employee who knows about car parts. We need him to start Monday. Yup, that's all the information we're gonna give you."

AaarghH! Crazy-making behavior to be sure, but this fellow demonstrated to me ever so clearly how to laugh about it. What an insight!

Reflecting on my first week of work

Dragon Mood? -- capturing some thoughts swirling around in my head

It's the morning of my fourth day of work after 15 months of unemployment and job seeking. I am still in the throes of adapting back to a work life and work schedule. Some random thoughts of mine:

• It takes energy to be 'on task', paying attention, soaking up information, not looking like you're wasting time. This week, in particular, I'm very aware of projecting good perceptions of myself as a worker.
• I am surprised and truly pleased at how much I'm enjoying the small-company atmosphere of this workplace. It's been well over 20 years since I worked in such a small group and I like it!
• Comparing this workplace environment to my last employer's workplace environment, I am struck by how confining, restrictive and fearful a place my former place of employment was. Truly STRUCK! How did I survive in such a place? Just based on the number of times I've thought about that in the past three days, that old, negative environment left much more of a scar on me than I ever realized before now.
• A new coworker made some casual yet negative comments about President Obama yesterday.  I didn't bite on them and after sleeping on it, I think I'm going to keep my political tendencies to myself.  I just don't want to get in a political pissing match with coworkers ... not yet, at least.
• My work wardrobe is feeling a bit old and worn.  I need to keep my eyes open for some snappy, casual clothes to supplement these poor old work horses.
• I am about to jump off the high dive today and begin talking with clients OUT THERE. A bit scary, you know? But I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that I'm going to succeed and will do well at connecting with people. Hopefully, I can make a difference in some peoples' lives, help them get employed ... and I can become a successful recruiter. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Saturday

Dragon Mood? -- rested and relaxed

It's another Saturday morning and I'm LOVIN' being at home (read, and NOT AT WORK!), relaxin', surfin' the Web and chillin'. All that activity without any ending 'G's.'

My high-energy, highly-focused boss was on vacation this week, so work was definitely a little more low-key for me -- not a moment too soon. The Olympic game coverage on late-night TV is killing me. I'm having a very hard time tearing myself away from the tube and getting myself into bed before 11! AaarghH! That's too late! This week I'll have to do MUCH better!

But this past week also felt like the dog days of summer. Not that it was so hot; it wasn't. It was just a slightly slower pace, a more languid pace that felt good. And there were a number of folks at work who were gone on vacations so the rest of us worker bees just buzzed along, doing our thing.

My most significant accomplishment this week was at the pied-a-terre. I single-handedly moved the treadmill from one side of the dining room to the other. Still not an ideal place for a treadmill, but now it's not shouting, "Hey, look at me!" when you first walk into the house. The larger question is, "Am I gonna use this thing again or should I just pay someone to haul it away for good?" I wish I could assure you, O Wise Web, what the answer is to that question. *sigh*

S and I are sitting here at the dining room table (now in the pine tree house), trying to figure out what we want to do today? It looks like an absolutely gorgeous day to go kayaking!

Keep you posted.

Being a good listener

Dragon Mood? -- adjusting

Because of job demands, my partner, S, and I are embarking on another stretch of time where we will be living in separate houses; her here in the piney woods, me in the Detroit pied-a-terre. We're not exactly clear on how long this will be; it could be three months, six months or longer.

As we're only one week into the separation, I'm still adjusting. I notice how quiet the pied-a-terre is without her. I miss her presence, her spirit, simply her. I went the entire week without making a pot of coffee (I'm trying caffeinated tea in the morning instead). Being without coffee just wouldn't happen if S were there.

On Friday afternoon, we were reunited early. We went to a newly-opened Mexican restaurant for margaritas and dinner. Sitting out on the patio, S talked and I listened. I mean she talked ... REALLY. It felt like she stored up all her half of the conversations from Monday through Thursday that we had not had and poured them out that Friday evening. And continued pouring Saturday morning. And Saturday afternoon. Endless talk about work. Less but still lots of conversation about the new baby, about extended family, about the yard. She was sharing, she was decompressing, she was downloading. Initially impatient, I finally realized that. And I'm here to be a good listener. A patient listener, a good listener.

Professional networking

Dragon Mood? -- feeling positive about my professional connections

One of the things that I learned from my recent eighteen month stint being regularly and securely employed is that it is highly important to network with people. (Pause while Caroline, Josh and Aaron all yell, "I TOLD YOU SO!")

Now that I have LEARNED MY LESSON, I am attempting to not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. Curiously enough, a guy I met at a metro Detroit career center (we were in a four-hour 'mature worker' seminar together) later sent me an email inviting me to join LinkedIn, a professional networking website. I joined with a bit of trepidation, but now I'm glad that I did. I have about 15 connections and hope to grow my network of resources.

To that end, I have placed a link on the left-hand side of this blog that looks like this:




I'll keep you posted.

It's all OFFICIAL now!

Dragon Mood? -- eating licorice and still waking up

Yup, it's still sinking in but I'm all OFFICIAL now: a honest-to-goodness, bona fide employee of The Company. (big sigh) WOW!

Mondays and Fridays tend to be the busiest days of the week for me at work. Yesterday was no exception. Work was flying in faster than I could process it or send it back out. And ... Murphy's Law was making an unwelcome appearance in my work universe; anything that could go wrong, did. Suffice to say that by 3:30 p.m., my scheduled time to head home, I was still up to my ears in alligators, beating back the chaos. At 3:45, my phone rings. It's an HR person asking if we can meet in 15 minutes for me to SIGN THE PAPERS? Are you kidding? YOU BET! So-o-ooo, I guess there was a good reason that my workday was chaotic and I was delayed leaving. I filled out forms, printed and signed my name several times over, including the all-important W-4 form. Uncle Sam must have his share.

And, while I haven't blogged about this, another aspect of this, subtle-yet-pretty-darn-important transition is that I AM NO LONGER A CONTRACT WORKER. I am a salaried employee. What does that mean? Well, a very concrete example is that I was ill with the flu on Monday and Tuesday of this week. That would be my second and third day on the payroll with The Company. As a salaried employee, I GOT PAID while at home, laying in my bed with that sledgehammer headache and my roiling, nauseated stomach. Imagine that! In my work universe, that's an UNKNOWN thing! You work, you get paid. You don't work, you don't get paid. That's what I've known for the past eighteen years. Forgive me, dear diary, if this ol' brain still hasn't quite got its figurative arms wrapped around that NEW CONCEPT!

And my apologies for all the CAPS in this post, but this feels BIG, ya know? I've got to express all these feelings somehow!

Hoping metamorphosed

Dragon Mood? -- excited, pleased, happy

What I've been hoping for has finally happened? Bush out of office? Nope, we've still got to endure another 11 months 24 days 1 hours 47 minutes 9 seconds of his leadership (see this site). Spartans clinching the Big Ten championship? Nope, but they're definitely on track to do so. My big news is that I got an o-fficial job offer from The Company I've been working for the past seven months -- a bonafide, slightly-more-money offer of direct employment! Whoo-hoo!!

Hoping it's not too late to say ...

Dragon Mood? -- rusty and uncertain

Happy New Year to everyone! ....... I have been SO OUT OF IT with regard to blogging, I hardly know where to start. Curious, isn't it, how rusty and unfamiliar my blogging skills have become?

S and I returned from a brief vacation to Washington D.C. early New Year's Eve. We had time to order some Chinese take-out, pick up a couple of videos and settle in for a quiet celebration before 12 inches of snow began to fall. Whew, that was close! We both felt immensely grateful that we didn't have to drive the 570+ miles through snow and slippery roads to get home.

Other updates: I am currently in my seventh month of the new job, in which I am feeling much more confidence, as well as comfortableness with my coworkers. My boss wrote a letter of recommendation that I be hired direct about a month ago. The wheels of the Human Resources Department grind slowly so I've heard nothing yet, but I'm hopeful.

Update on our pied-a-terre: The remodeling that was supposed to take a couple of weeks is now approaching two months. Our builder, Paul, sadly had to layoff his crew for lack of work, so the work is being done by Paul and his friend, Tim. A crew of two builds more slowly than a crew of five or six. Also, Mother Nature has blessed us with several good snowstorms as well as some unusually frigid temperatures that would chase even the hardiest outdoors person inside to a warm room.

Here are a couple of pictures of the latest and greatest on the house:





Suffice to say that we're pleased with the results and dealing with the slowed pace of progress on the house. We're both looking forward to sitting on our new porch when spring arrives!

There's lots more to tell, but I'll call this good for now and hit the "Publish Post" button. It feels good to return to blogging.

Job Update ... again

Dragon Mood? -- happy and NOT bored

In the middle of my THIRTEENTH week at my shiny-brand-new job. Thirteen's my lucky number. 'Nuff said.

Clover Keys

Clover Keys
Originally uploaded by Brian Cerveny.

This is what you DON'T WANT to do in my job: let the 'grass' grow under your fingers!

Job Update

Dragon Mood? -- catching up

Can you believe it? -- I hardly can. I'm in the middle of the tenth week of my shiny-brand-new job! I've gotten to the point where I can really crank through the easy parts. And even the balancing of several middling-hard tasks, I can manage with a fair amount of composure.

But today was a new high ... and low. I finished transferring a huge amount of data this morning, sent out emails announcing "the data's there" to all the responsible parties ... and by 3 o'clock this afternoon, learned from a gentle messenger that a significant portion of the data was, simply put, crap! ArrrghhH! Talk about disappointed! Talk about embarrassed! Talk about distressed!

Thankfully, my boss set me straight. It's not my job to validate downloaded data, just download it. And the problem didn't start with me. It started at the source of the download ... again, which isn't me.

It's all about me, you see. Or, in this case, not me. And it wasn't ... about me. It was about them, whoever and where ever those ubiquitous, invisible corporate suit-wearing IT persons are!

So ... my boss was gonna fire off a polite but crankily firm email about the poor quality of this data ... with highly informative yet incriminating screen dumps of the poor data quality supplied by me. We need good data! What the hell are you yahoos waiting for?

I love it!

Monday morning update

Dragon Mood? -- waking up

Five-fifty A.M. is not usually a time that LENDS itself to introspection, composition and POSTING, you know?

S is "home," back in the pine trees this morning. She worked diligently last week, working late every night to meet a deadline. Friday, at 7 p.m. the deadline was met and her boss told her to take Monday off. She is happily complying today.

Anyway, I have the house to myself, my hair is washed, so I have some extra time this morning. I'll live life on the edge, whaddaya say and POST?

This morning I begin my NINTH week of my shiny-brand-new job. As I told my dad and step-mom last night, I continued to be amazed -- no, amazed and SURPRISED -- at how much I'm enjoying my new job. I didn't think I would like it this much. Honestly. I was afraid I would get bored. So far -- knock on wood -- that hasn't happened!

My job revolves around moving data. I move data in, I move data out. I move large quantities of CAD data, using the CAD software that I have worked in for over ten years. I also use a number of other software applications, that I jump from back and forth. I now have two PCs at my desk. The IT folks finally loaded a necessary software on Friday on that second computer. Now, I can really multi-task!

Things I want to write about ....

Dragon Mood? -- decluttering my dragony mind

Istill want to write about S and my weekend in Madison, helping our beautiful daughter, Carolina, move into her new home. Oh yeah!

I want to write about what I did on my summer vacation (ha-ha) this past weekend.

I want to write about our new about-to-be housemate, Erin, who will be moving in in just over a week, dislocated finger and all.

And, I want to say that TODAY is the beginning of my EIGHTH week on the still shiny-brand-new JOB! YAAAAAAAyy!

Week FIVE

Dragon Mood? -- thankful and happy

Week five . . . I'm in the middle of week FIVE at my brand new job! I can report -- happily -- that I was busy today and relishing the challenges of my job. HURRAY!

Have I mentioned how THANKFUL I am to have this job?

Tomorrow is FIVE days!

Dragon Mood? -- embracing the dare-I-say joyful anticipation?

So tomorrow I complete my first week on the new job.   (sigh)   Yeah, the first week is tough! So much pent-up anticipation and energy and yet not enough knowledge or experience to apply it! ArrrghhH!

My boss has either spent enough time with me or directed others my way that I'm getting the clear sense that once I am in the swing of things, I am going to be very busy. Some of it will be daily grind sort of stuff, some of it will involve assessing and responding to exception-to-the-rules sort of situations.

And this all has to do with managing a "conduit" of data between this new company of mine (hee-hee, feels funny to say that) and BIG companies we serve.

I feel a surprising sense of happy anticipation as I embrace this new work journey. I want to do a good job for these folks, for this company ... and I want to do well for myself, make myself proud too.

UPDATE: Interestingly, after I posted this, I went to Astrodienst to check my horoscope. Here's what was posted for me today:

Enlarging your scope

In most areas of your life, you are able to act much more decisively than usual, especially in dealing with others. You know where you stand, and you ask others to let you know where they stand. And despite your self-assertiveness, you are able to create a balance in a group so that everyone benefits from working together and no one feels dissatisfied.

Under this influence you will want to enlarge the scope of your activities somewhat. It will not be enough to express your energies as you have in the past. At this time you want to find new expressions, and you will look for people to share in this. For this reason you want to be with active people who have enough energy to go along with your plans. On the physical level, this is usually a period of good health.

First day on the new job

Dragon Mood? -- merrily singing "Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work I go ..."

Here's the short and sweet on my first day at the new job. I got my ID badge, my parking badge, read, re-read and dilly-dallied over a 68-page PowerPoint presentation -- yes, it was just as bad as you might be imagining it to be -- and then read a 30-page (give or take a few pages) Word document on data standards. Killing me with a thousand pinpricks would be less painful!

Tomorrow will be better. I know it will!

The goose that lays the golden egg

Dragon Mood? -- ???

My honey, S, and I have talked about this new era for us, with my starting this job only three days from now. Given how many people are looking for jobs and how scarce jobs are these days (in this neck of the woods, anyway), we have agreed that I need to treat this job like it's gold, like it's the goose that lays the golden egg, our meal ticket, our ticket to Easy Street ... let's see, how many more similes do I need to use? You get the picture, right?

So I'm prepared to do that. Yup, I am.

I'm just wondering though ... will I ever have time again to blog? Will I?

Is this another thing that I need to let go, to mourn, to grieve? (heavy sigh)

Stay tuned.

The emotional reverberations

Dragon Mood? -- a bit bewildered

In a previous post, I alluded to "swinging" emotions.

From the giddiness of my initial reaction, I retreated into this almost turtle-like shell of feeling almost nothing. I kept telling people that I am slow to react to events, but even I was amazed at how it didn't feel real, it didn't feel like something that was happening to me and I wondered how long it would take to feel something.

Tuesday, after our whirlwind weekend of constant socializing, I was simply tired. Both physically, mentally and emotionally. I just wanted to sleep. The warm, humid temperatures of June only added to my desire to cocoon and sleep.

The past three days, that has abated somewhat, only to be replaced with this anxiety about my first day on the job, next Monday. Understandable, right?

But, I've also been experiencing sadness, a sense of loss of freedom, almost a grief at the prospect of being "back in the harness," losing my ability to do what I want when I want ... now that I have a job. Imagine going from high anxiety about the lack of a job, the inability to get a job, and the incumbent financial worries that go along with that -- not to mention the loss of health care insurance -- now to feeling sadness and grief that I'm hooked, I'm harnessed, I'm trapped back in the worker bee mode. Waaahh! I've lost freedom that I may never have again!

Is this normal? ... even close to normal? Or am I simply crazy?