calypsoDragon13

Maggie

2012-02-04T13:25:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- frustrated

Frustrated! That's the best word to describe how I'm feeling about the state of this blog. So much has happened in the past year and none of it is here, remembered, written about and celebrated!

First and foremost, I have a beautiful granddaughter, Margaret Emmeline, who was born July 19, 2011 in the waning hours of the day. She is now six months old, sitting up, two little tooth buds busted through on her lower gums and with the cutest tuft of dark hair on the top of her head that a Kewpie doll could envy.
Welcome to the world, Maggie!

A little gem from Aunt Doris

2012-02-04T12:05:00.001-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- happy

Good morning! I talked with Aunt Doris this morning to sing her Happy Birthday and visit a bit. We talked about the usual things, but I got her reminiscing about the past and unexpectedly, this little gem came forth:

On the occasion of Aunt Doris’s 88th birthday, talking on the phone, I asked her if she remembered her and her mother, Granny, making birthday cakes when she was a young girl.

“Oh yes,” she replied.

“You didn’t have box cake mixes back then, did you?” I asked.

“Oh, no, we had to make everything from scratch, you know.”

“Did Granny like to cook?”

“No, she didn’t like to cook at all,” Aunt Doris replied. “See, doing the laundry back then was a big job. We didn't have machines back then. You had to build a fire under those black cast iron pots and heat up the water real hot so we could get our clothes clean. It was a big job. So Mama hired a black lady who lived nearby to come and do the laundry on Monday. She got done early, so Mama asked her to cook dinner. We all sat down at the table and Daddy wouldn’t eat. We said both our prayers and Daddy just sat there, quiet and wouldn’t eat."

“Do you think he wouldn’t eat the food because it was cooked by a black woman?”

“Maybe that was part of it, but he didn’t want Mama to stop cooking. He sat there the whole time, ‘til we were done and wouldn’t eat. I thought that was kinda silly of Daddy, but he wouldn’t eat.”

To me, this corroborates another story that I have heard: that Granny (Hermione), from the Moerbe family, was used to a more comfortable life. The Moerbes had more money than the Kunzes and felt that Hermione had married below her 'class' when she married John. The fact that Granny hired a woman to help with the laundry perhaps wasn’t unusual from her family’s experience. John protested Hermione using hired help to cook, even though he knew Hermione didn’t like to cook, so he refused to eat. I speculate that he didn’t want Hermione getting in the habit of paying someone else to cook for their family.

And the silence, and Aunt Doris's memory of implied refusal to talk about it feels so authentic to the Kunze family's reputation for little (read poor) communication.

Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed hearing it from Aunt Doris. I wish we had a way to 'mine' the treasure trove of memories all these elders have hidden in their minds.

Big Ten tourney Saturday afternoon

2011-03-12T16:26:00.002-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- hopeful, yet nervous

Gearing up for THE game. Ahem, at least THE game for today!

Ask anyone and they'll tell you the MSU Spartans have had a weird and disappointing season. Ranked #2 in the nation before the season began, they have struggled mightily and up until this past week, were even in danger of not making the NCAA selection for the Big Dance. Oh my gosh!

Thursday night, they handled Iowa pretty easily to move onto the quarterfinals and meet up with Purdue. Amazingly, they got an early lead, held onto it and beat the Boilermakers 74-56. As the headlines announced, they pounded Purdue.

Now, I'm watching as they play their third game in as many days, against Penn State in the semi-finals. If they win this, they will play Ohio State, ranked #1 in the nation, tomorrow afternoon.

Go State, beat the Nittany Lions!

UPDATE: Halftime, tied at 26.

FINAL SCORE: Spartans lost, 61-48. Damn! :-(

Monochromatic

2011-03-06T13:00:00.001-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- introspective

Yesterday, to avoid a long wait at a train crossing,I took some unexplored back roads to get home to the house in the woods.

The roads were powdered with snow, possibly slippery. I drove slowly, taking my time, focused on my passage over the unknown roads. In hindsight, I felt very much 'in the moment'.

The sky was overcast. I kept looking at the passing landscape as if I were going to (try to) paint it. Everything was grayed and flat, a matte filter over my eyes. The only shine I could see was the light bouncing off isolated wet, smooth areas on the asphalt road.

Everything in the landscape looked outlined in white, as if sugar-powdered with the lightest of Mother Nature's touch. All the bare foliage looked soft, in a multitude of shades of taupe, brown and gray, almost as if they were airbrushed. Soft, matte and monochromatic.

Other than the sound of my car, things were quiet. People's homes appeared dark and empty or more accurately, still. It was an hour or so before dusk and even then, I didn't see lights in people's windows. The stillness and quiet of those passing moments was almost palpable.

I felt an incredible sense of stillness and peace. An extra-ordinary experience ... simply driving home from errands.

'Frisson'

2011-01-22T10:52:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- thrilled and trembly

Words. I've had a lifelong love affair with them. I'll never give them up, never get over them. What can I say?

Here's one that I enjoy rolling around in my mouth before I release it to the world:

frisson: A moment of intense excitement; a shudder; a thrill.

As in,"The story's ending arouses a frisson of terror."

I don't know why I like this word so much but there's definitely an arousal factor there. Oh yeah! As the old saying goes, "There may be snow on the roof, but there's still a fire in the hearth." No truer words were ever spoken.

Frisson. YOU try using it just once and see what happens to you!

2011-01-22T10:43:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- excited and cowed at the same time

Because I have far more things to report and share here than I took time for in December, I'm still in the catch-up mode. One highly anticipated change was and is my transition from 20th century phone technology to the 21st!

So, here's my old cell phone, a sturdy Samsung that served me well for over four-and-a-half years.

My new phone is a Motorola Droid 2, operating on the cutting edge Android 2.2 operating system. (I imagine someday I'll look back at this posting and chuckle at my breathlessness for a then-antiquated technology! New today, out-of-date tomorrow, eh?)

I wasn't planning on buying a Droid 2. Beyond it being cutting edge, I heard it was a little big for a woman's hand, a little heavy perhaps. All true.

I was in a Sam's store, waiting while a prescription was filled, poking around in the store. A kiosk inside sells cell phones, a separate entity owned and operated by Radio Shack. I was actually looking for the HTC Incredible, another Android phone, when I noticed the price of the Droid 2. Ordinarily they were selling for $250- 300, but this one was listed at $49.97. Whahhh?

Turns out Radio Shack was having a 'special' that weekend, the weekend before Christmas, selling the Droid 2, applying rebates up front and then discounting it some more. I talked to the manager for a few minutes, asked him to set one aside for me, picked up my scrip and called S. We ended up revisiting the store later that day, purchased my Droid 2 and began a technological adventure that continues to this day.

See, cell phones used to come with 1/2" thick little user manuals that you could read and pour over, discovering and testing all the ins and outs of the phone. Not anymore. That's way too tree-killing for the 21st century. Now, the cell phone manufacturer gives you a 18"x24" piece of paper, printed on both sides, folded up like an origami Rubic's cube with all the basic info you need. After that, Google it. (chuckling) Oh yeah!

So, in a nutshell, I've struggled with the phone. While I like to think of myself as being pretty computer and software savvy, I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe for an old fart, but certainly not compared to the Gen X and Gen Y folks. Part of the issue is the lack of documentation. I've read online tutorials, watched YouTube videos, found a little "HELP" button buried in the Droid 2 apps (who'da thunk to look there?). I've consulted my daughter (who is a strong iPhone user and afficionado, not at all impressed with my fancy-schmancy Droid 2), along with S herself, who ended up buying a Droid X one impulsive trip to the Verizon store.

Slowly, day by day, I'm getting more comfortable and adept at using this phone. Not there yet, but I'm making progress. At one point, I was so discouraged and angered over some of its shortcomings, I thought about returning it (still within that 30-day grace period). Well, the grace period ended three days and so now, I'm stuck and committed to making this damn phone work.

And I will!

Fleeting and elusive

2011-01-22T09:42:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- frustrated

You know, I'll be driving to work or driving home from work. Sometimes, I get these in the bathroom, taking a shower. Sometimes, it's in the middle of the night.

And this incredibly luminescent light bulb will go ON for me, inside the dark, mysterious recesses of my brain, and I think, "By golly, I need to write that down. I should blog about that!" Of course, at the time, in the moment, I'm convinced that I'll be able to retrieve that sparkly whit of insight like the snap of fingers. The sad reality is that I'm not. And then I let out this heavy sigh. Because one more sample of my (~ahem~) brilliance has been lost in the dark netherworld of my memory. Will I ever be able to retrieve it? Who knows?

On a more positive light, I DID remember enough to write this post. Yay for me!

Gray Tuesday

2011-01-18T12:52:00.001-05:00

It's gray outside, cold, rainy, threatening to turn to ice. This day rather matches my mood. Not the best.

The commute this morning was okay, but I'm a little bit worried about tonight. S had a 'mandatory appearance' at Cobo this morning (her employer is so heavy-handed about these sorts of things). After than, she then must jump in the car and drive 90 miles for a late afternoon doctor's appointment. AND then drive 90 miles back home to the pied-a-terre. All while it's gray and raining and treacherously turning to ice. ICK is all I can say. And BE CAREFUL! (sigh)

Note to self: your hormone replacement stuff has worn out. I can tell. You're bitchy and on edge. Get some more hormones and rejoin the happy human race.

Maybe then the grayness will stop. And the sun will come out.

As Easy as Sending an Email

2011-01-16T12:29:00.001-05:00

In the hopes that I'll blog a bit more, I am testing out the capabilities of composing an email and sending it to Blogger. If all the technological ducks are in a row, it will then appear as a blogposting at Calypso Dragon 13.

Will it? Let's give it a try and keep our cyber fingers crossed.

Chanel No. 5

2011-01-16T11:01:00.002-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- reveling in the fragrance

Scientists say that some of our earliest memories involve smells. Smell of skin, smell of milk, smells of a place that evokes safety and security, they all are forged early in a person's life.

One of my early memories as a child was going into my grandma, Nana's, bedroom and being enveloped in this sweet fragrance. I later learned the fragrance was the perfume, Chanel No.5. Whenever I smell Chanel No. 5, I think of Nana. I can immediately feel the little girl part of me and I feel, sigh, all is well, with the world.

Having recently learned that I'm going to be a grandmother, I asked my partner, S, for 'grandma' perfume for Christmas. Bless her heart, she came through like a champ. I am now the happy owner of a classic, luxe bottle of Eau de Parfum, Chanel No. 5.

I can't wait to wear it as I hold The Colonel.

Transition

2011-01-16T10:03:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- still in the early stages of adjustment

So, I told you in my last posting, that I'm going to become a grandma.

It's no small matter transitioning from non-grandma status to being a GRANDMA! Even the fact that I feel the need to capitalize Grandma tells you something about my internal process.

Like my most people, I had two grandmas. One, Granny Kunze, I knew very little, because she lived at the Texas farm and we lived up north. I have a few hazy memories of her in the kitchen, baking and cooking, but I can't recall a single conversation that she and I had together. She died in a car accident when I was ten.

My other grandma, whom I called Nana, is the grandma that informs my sense of who and what a grandma is. I always felt her delight in me. With Nana, I felt absolutely SPECIAL. Again, with the capitals. She and I had a Mutual Admiration Society that knew no bounds. Even in her last years of life, I can remember visiting her one night, unexpectedly knocking at her door. She opened the door hesitantly, cute as a bug in her flannel PJs, cotton robe and thick Coke-bottle glasses, looking more like a little girl than a mid-eighties grandma. I walked in and she bear-hugged me, like I was the only person on this earth. I hugged her back with just as much intensity.

So, as my grandbaby gestates and incubates inside my daughter, Caroline, I too am changing, slowly making the transition from mom/mother/Mamacita to grandma/grandmother/Nana. And what will my grandma name be? I'm kind of liking "Grandberry."

The Day before Thanksgiving

2011-01-16T09:31:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- life changing feelings

While I am woefully late blogging about this, I learned something life-changing the day before Thanksgiving.

I had just pulled into my usual parking spot at work and was walking into the building when my cell phone rang. It was Caroline. I knew that she, Ron, Josh and Leah were all flying to Arizona that morning to spend Thanksgiving with Greg and Colleen.

We exchanged greetings and pleasantries and then she said, "Mamacita, I'm sorry to do this over the phone, but ..." And shame on me, I didn't even give her the chance to say the words before I interrupted and asked, "Are you preggers?" I think she was taken aback either by my interruption or the word, "preggers," but after a second or two, she answered, "Yes!"

So, Mary. You are going to become a grandma. A GRANDMA! Imagine that!

Officially 'Fallen Back'

2010-11-07T10:36:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- circadian rhythmically disoriented

Early, early this morning, while I was blissfully sleeping, most of the country, including us, turned our collective clocks back. Instantaneously, 2 a.m. became 1 a.m. Voila, just like that, we created an extra hour for ourselves! Why can't we do that EVERY weekend?

Sue and Michelle invited Jeanne, Joanne, Sally, S and I over for a lovely, entertaining dinner last night. I made Parmesan Pinwheels (simple and TASTY from Real Simple) and traffic-light crudites (red-yellow-green, with a little orange thrown in for good measure) and vegetable dip for appetizers. Michelle made a knock-out Beef Stroganoff along with fresh, steamed green beans. Jeanne and Joanne brought a dazzlingly delicious berry crumble pie from the award-winning Sweetie-licious Bakery in DeWitt. With Cosmos, better-than-average red wine, beer and other, assorted alcoholic beverages, the seven of us schmoozed, talked, interrupted, laughed and made good-friend conversation with one another for four or so hours. It was simply delightful!

And I'll end this post by saying that not one of these crazy, 'spring forward' or 'fall back' events occurs without my thinking of my mother. More times than not, she was working as a night nurse at a local nursing home (now defunct Provincial House) on those semi-annual Saturday nights and would always note on the 'fall back' ones, how she was so lucky (hear the sarcasm) to get to work an extra hour! For some curious reason, I always remember her mentioning that. I love you, Mom, and miss your love and care.

A non-relaxing Sunday morning

2010-10-31T13:27:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- TIRED and I'm not kidding

HELP!! S and I have been taken hostage by a four year-old and a two year-old and we CAN'T GET UP!

I'm joking AND exaggerating! But only a little. We rendezvoused with Matt and Sarah in the Lake Lansing Meijers parking lot last night, got the 'goods' (Madison and Conner) and S took them into the store to pick out a toy. Forty-five loo-o-oong minutes later, they emerged. Sheesh, I should have known better than to agree to that quick little trip.

At home, S got into the jacuzzi tub with them and things were going well until Conner decided he was scared of the water, or the jets, or the bubbles. We're not sure which. As a two year-old boy, with a very talkative big sister, all he has to do is grunt and shake his head "NO" and point with his finger ... and the kid communicates well and gets pretty much all his needs met. It's an amazing dynamic to observe in action and it certainly takes me back to when Josh was two and Caroline was four. Same sibling behavior, transcendent of time and environment.

Conner feel asleep between 10:30 and 11:00 p.m. Madison was up until midnight, thanks to billowing mounds of bubbles, imagined fog and storms for the flotilla of toy boats and exhilarating archaeological digs down in the bubbles IN the tub. She and Grandma really gave their imaginations a workout!

We two grandmas, Grandma and GrandMary, hit the hay immediately. And one minute later, it was light, I heard Madison's voice and the next thing I knew, two little people were padding into our room, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to GREET the morning! Aye-yi-yiee!!

S and I did our rational and logical best to persuade Madison and Conner that it was WAY TOO early and that we were still tired and climb in bed with us and let's ALL go back to sleep. We never even got close to launching that idea. The phrase, I believe, is a complete fizzle. Nope, they were up, and ready to PLAY! It was all of 7:30 a.m.

We played the piano, we ate bananas, we colored pictures, we got all the pull toys down off the shelf, we made a homemade diaper bag for Madison's new baby doll, we read books. You name it, we did it. Grandma made peanut butter and spun honey raisin toast for us all and made a new song, "Sticky Fingers" to accompany our breakfast. And boy, did the song ever fit the situation!

It's now 1:20 p.m., Conner's sleeping, Grandma and Madison are outside, and Mommy and Daddy have finally shown up. I'm exhausted! Time for a nap!

Recapturing a lazy Saturday morning

2010-10-30T12:39:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- enjoying a lazy Saturday morning

Do you know it's been ages, ages, I tell you since I had a lazy Saturday morning to post here? I think back on all the times I wrote in this blog 'back in the day' when days felt longer, the sun traveled a more relaxed circle in the sky and time had no end in sight.

Nowadays, things feel accelerated. Everything is speeding by, at such a pace, it takes deliberate intention and effort to sit down, breathe and relax. And maybe write a bit here or there in this blog.

S and I celebrated our 24th anniversary this past Tuesday, October 26, 2010. Twenty-four years! I can hardly imagine it. Our relationship began innocently enough, coworkers at a work conference held in Hilton Head, South Carolina. We were both married, husbands and children at home, awaiting our return. One night, that last night in Hilton Head, turned my world upside down, S's too. And it was all so very innocent. All we did was share a bed and feel feelings. Amazing thing.

We celebrated our anniversary by going to hear Bob Dylan and his band perform at the MSU Auditorium in East Lansing. I had bought the tickets as a surprise for S. She and I rendezvoused in Wixom, in the Meijers' parking lot around 5:30, drove to Dusty's in Okemos for a quick, light meal and then off to hear Ol' Growly himself. It was a rockin' concert, loud and fun to move to the beat of the music. I felt good about buying the tickets, taking the initiative on celebrating our anniversary, and S thanked me numerous times for doing this for us. Maybe it was the strange windy weather, but something felt different in the air; youth and energy and maybe even a little bit of hopefulness. All this from an old poet minstrel, from another age, another century even.

Josh and Leah continue to be in my thoughts. I listen to music driving to work and I can get tears in my eyes thinking about them, their undiluted joy and happiness at being together, and all that life has waiting for them.

Caroline and Ron experienced the death of a friend this past week, a good friend and motorcycle brother. He died in a motorcycle accident. I haven't had the opportunity nor the heart to ask about the details, but J.D.'s death fuels one of my worst fears, that Ron and Caroline would be hurt or die in an accident like that. I feel so irrational about this, my fears so irrational (what are feelings but irrational?), that I have to keep a really tight leash on myself so that I don't say or do something inappropriate. Like call them up and scream in to the phone, "I TOLD YOU SO! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE BEFORE ME!" (sigh) Like I said, inappropriate.

Work is getting better. Slowly, baby step by baby step, things are getting better. I have a disappointing morning or an unproductive day, but I also have good days where things are cookin', things are humming along and I think, wow, I'm really busy and this feels good.

I had my first candidate start a short-term assignment this past Monday and two more candidates will begin working next week. Yay! Yay for me!

(sigh) It's past noon. Morning is over, time for 'lazy' has passed. Things to do, places to go, people to meet!

Sweet remembrances

2010-10-07T06:57:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- smiling inside and out

Good golly, Miss Molly, do you know I've been writing in this blog for well over SIX years? Is that a thud I heard, you falling from your chair? Yeah, me too!

I hardly ever look back. Except, uh, for now. I looked back here, a posting from this blog, from October 2004. And here's some truth that bears repeating:

My kids are the apples of my eye, the cream in my coffee, the joy in my heart ...

Lina is my older child, with her warm dragon-y outlook on life and people. She loves her dog, good food, "value" wine and that sushi-delivering motorcyle guy [now her husband]. The cup is almost always way more than half-full for her and Lina always looks for the good in people. I love the way she writes, her embracing of wildness and piratical "wenchiness," and most especially, I appreciate her good "eye."

Josh is my younger child, a curious combination of compassion and wicked smartness. His smartness is magnified by incredible tenacity and persistence. He'll bulldoggedly rip your illogical arguments to shreds as well as sit tenderly by, handing you tissues as you cry. He loves the company of women, especially strong women and he isn't afraid to tell Lina and me how much he loves us. He also has a passion for music, which at times, pours out of his being like a localized Niagara Falls. I love watching him at those moments.

Trees, martinis and Sally

2010-10-07T06:34:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- waking up, catching up

Thursday morning, just past six a.m., I'm sitting here with my steaming cup of hot coffee, waking up, enjoying these few, quiet minutes to myself.

This past weekend, Sally was 'down state', visiting us, hanging out with S on another solo week of vacation ('sigh' -- one of the few negatives of my new job -- no time for vacation). S was busy working with Mike, the Tree Guy, selecting and placing half a forest of trees in our backyard. But mostly, S was working her tail off, cutting down many, many small, under-canopy deciduous trees (mostly chokecherry), bucking or sawing them into pieces, stacking them and chipping up the rest of the small limbs and foliage. Loads of work!

Sally seemed pretty content to hang out at the house. She and S met with Mark on Thursday evening for dinner, Matt and Sarah and kids on Friday evening (along with Tim and Nicki too). Saturday afternoon, we all stopped our respective activities and watched the Spartans give the Wisconsin Badgers a well-deserved spanking, beating them 34-24. Oh yeah! Next week, it's Michigan and I hope the Spartans are on the delivery end and not the receiving end of a spanking.

Saturday evening, we had a warm, tasty meal of pot roast, potatoes, carrots, onions and baby bella mushrooms. Mmm-mm good! Then we had a rare dessert, a pineapple-orange flavored cake that Sally had brought with her. It was moist and delicious with some (more) hot coffee.

After cleaning up the kitchen, we began playing three-handed euchre. If memory serves me right, I won the first game handily. The cards were definitely coming my way. To celebrate my victory, I announced I felt like having a dirty martini. I asked Sally if she would like a Bloody Mary and she said no, she'd enjoy a martini too. So I got to practice my newbie martini-making skills not once, but three times that evening. Sally tipped me off to use cracked ice rather than cubes for a better chilled martini. Wow, what a difference! And, I can see why Josh and Leah are so discerning about the olives they use in their martinis. Olives can make or break a decent tasting martini. Ours were not the freshest, but they did the job. Next time, I'll make sure to have fresh and probably better quality olives on hand.

And from my martini-making, I learned that Sally used to be a bartender at the Metro Bowl in Lansing, way back, 'in the day'. She had applied for a bookkeeping job there and ended up a bartender instead.

Obviously, the more liquor we drank, the more we talked and shared. And you understand, it's not like Sally and I haven't hung out before or that we haven't done our fair share of drinking together. But somehow, this evening was different. There was more the quality of two women letting down their hair, sharing life experiences. S was more bystander than participant. This is her mom, of course, and she chose to listen more than talk. The stories just got better and better.

Late September and work

2010-09-29T06:51:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- waking up

It's 6:25 a.m. by the digital clock on my laptop, it's dark outside and cold here inside the house. I'm not wanting to turn on the heat just yet, but how much longer can I hold out?

I want to write about my job. I'm in my seventh or eighth week now; I've lost count of the weeks. In weeks four, five, six, my emotions were up and down about it. I'm so accustomed to being good at things I do, it was hard for me to work, work, work with little to no success.

My attitude is a little better now. Each week I am supposed to achieve ten submittals. That works out to two per day for the work week. Last week, I hit eight -- and felt pretty darn good about it. This past Monday, I got two submittals; my first two submittals for a Monday. Another small success.

I have talked with my boss several times about this. Actually, he's asked me how I think things are going. I really appreciate him doing this. It has given me an opportunity to vent a bit, but even better, he offered me feedback -- feedback that I'm doing just fine and he's happy with my work so far.

I enjoy talking with people. I know this sounds weird, but I try to project care and acceptance towards each person I talk to, over the phone. I smile and joke with them during our conversations. Frequently, these jobseekers make me laugh. I am amazed at how often I feel the goodwill of complete strangers.

In a sentence, the job is going well. I LIKE my job!

Remnant

2010-09-28T19:11:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- [I don't know what my mood was that day.]

While I sit here awaiting a call from a prospective employer, I am diverting my attention to this blog. Busy, busy.

[I found this languishing in the "Draft" section of my blog posts. From the middle of July. Time to publish.]

Catching up, Madison visit

2010-09-09T21:42:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- remembering and smiling

I knew this would happen. One day, it's Thursday and I can hardly wait to get on the road to Madison. Before you can say "lickety split," it's Wednesday, been there and back, and whew, where did the time go?

S was a champ and drove us the entire way. Driving her car may have had something to do with that. Not that she doesn't trust me. It's just that it's her car, you know?

We arrived about 1:15 a.m., Caroline met us at the door and Dakota stuck her nose in our crotches. And then danced and leapt around. Welcome!

Friday morning, Ron was in the kitchen, taking a break from his work routine, preparing to make Egg McRonbos for us. He not only made us breakfast, but French-pressed coffee as well. Delicious!

After eating, we cleaned up and headed out to St. Vinny's for our requisite visit. Gosh, what a visit! S found an aluminum frame lounger in near-perfect condition for $5, I found two pieces of pottery, Caroline a Fiesta dish along with a Hall china coffee mug. Steph also snagged four record albums (yes, vinyl!) for $1 a piece, while I picked up some 'pearl' earrings. Caroline got the best find though in a delightful, handmade rocking hobby horse for a small child. As she made her way across the big room, holding the hobby horse up to show me, I asked her, "Are you trying to tell me something?" Her answer was a big grin. (aside - While the 'deed' is not done, things are being set in motion for it to happen.) Oh yes, and Caroline also found a completely cute pair of angel wings, replete with feathers and shiny sequins sprinkled here and there. Halloween, watch out for a drunken angel!

Staggering out of St. Vinny's, arms loaded, we headed to a nearby Indian restaurant where Ron met us for lunch. Don't ask me what I ate. It was a buffet full of tasty, exotic dishes. I enjoyed virtually all of them ... well, maybe except the slightly chewy goat meat one. At Caroline's encouragement, I ordered a hot chai tea that was lovely and delicious. Not too sugary, with just the right amount of gingery warmth and zinginess. Hmm, I can still taste its yumminess.

Saturday was a bit of a slow start, but we made it to the Farmer's Market in downtown Madison. Oh my, it was every bit as busy and crowded with shoppers as I remembered. Every step of the four blocks-long market, there were stands replete with colorful veggies and tempting jams and humongous hearty mums and cheese curds and breads and honey and black Spanish radishes (just remember the amazing translation from 'jacquard' to 'daikon' -- "I speak Stephnie!")and too many other delicious treats to list. We went with two or three items in mind to purchase and left with Caroline's trusty backpack loaded to the brim. Chivalrous Ron toted the hefty thing around and never groaned, not even once.

We headed to the Soap Opera, but sidetracked ourselves into Paul's Club for the requisite spicy Bloody Marys. Yummy, as I knew they would be.

The Soap Opera was cozily intimate, busy and filled with sumptuous fragrances that always evoke an unexpected sense of well-being. I glided over to the table filled with Mistral soaps and began sniffing all the new 'flavors'. It's a place to simply give in to your senses, particularly the smell-icious one.

Saturday night, we all enjoyed Caroline's culinary gifts: corn chowder made with freshly frozen sweet corn and finely diced jalapenos (awesome!); Juliette tomatoes, fresh, backyard basil leaves and fresh mozzarella salad; and yummy fresh boiled shrimp with zingy homemade cocktail sauce bursting with horseradish. Talk about a feast! We ate our fill and then some.

The highlight of Sunday was a visit to the Sugar Shack, a vintage record shop. It was packed with album covers, vintage posters, memorabilia and crates and crates of old music. While Caroline and I poked around for a half an hour or so, Ron and S easily spent an hour plus sifting through the treasures awaiting their discovery. Meanwhile, Caroline and I settled down out in her trusty Mazda, called Uncle George for his early birthday celebration and talked with our cousins on speaker phone.

It was a great weekend!

Maybe TMI

2010-09-07T12:48:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- sagging and annoyed

Reaching for my seat belt to buckle up, I felt this little *snap* and instantly knew what had happened. The underwire in my bra had broken, snapped in two pieces like a dry twig.

Honestly, if this were the first time this was happening, I wouldn't be so annoyed, maybe. But this is about the third or fourth time!

If my breasts were people, I think they would be two muscle-y bouncers in a gritty bar on the wrong side of the tracks. Not necessarily the biggest pair you've ever seen, but you don't want to mess with 'em.

Thursday's insight

2010-09-02T13:22:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- a dim bulb brightened once again on the importance of attitude

Sometimes, the Divine drops an object lesson right in your lap, right when you need it.

I had a phone conversation with a fellow I'll call Mr. M this morning. Nice enough fellow, but when it came right down to it, he was afraid. Full of fear, mistrust and suspicion. I do not anticipate ever finding this fellow a job. In my humble opinion, his attitude will create roadblocks at every step, at every turn.

Just before lunch, I had another phone conversation with a fellow named Mr. R. What was he like? Pleasant, jovial, even helpful. We laughed over our shared perceptions of the predictable foibles of a large employer here in Michigan. "Hey, give us a quote on a car part. What's it gonna cost us? Yup, that's all the information we're gonna give you."

Similarly, "find us an employee who knows about car parts. We need him to start Monday. Yup, that's all the information we're gonna give you."

AaarghH! Crazy-making behavior to be sure, but this fellow demonstrated to me ever so clearly how to laugh about it. What an insight!

singing "An-tih-suh-PAY-shunnnn"

2010-09-01T19:51:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- like a drop of water on a hot skillet

While you can't see it through the thick fog of the internet's atmosphere, I am sitting here virtually dancing with anticipation at driving to Madison tomorrow night to see my beautiful daughter, Caroline, and her hubby, Ron. S is dancing too though she doesn't know it yet.

Early bird reflections

2010-08-17T06:18:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- energized

Aperfect example of an inverse relationship is our current weather: as the humidity goes down, people's energy levels go up. We have experienced such a change in the past 36 hours and oh my, what a difference it makes!

I hit the sack early last night after a bout of insomnia on Sunday night. It's been over a week now since I saw S, the longest time (I believe) we've been apart in all our years together. I miss her and I miss having my bed partner. Hence, the insomnia. Or so I think. It could also be hormones. Or anxieties. Or change in the barometric pressure or alignment of the planets or who knows what! I slept poorly Sunday night and exceedingly well last night. Thank goodness!

Anyway, last night I was out front of our pied-a-terre watering the flowers and attempting to give the poor yellowed, exhausted-looking grass a drink of water from all the consecutive hot days we've had. During the steamy heat, our street had been deserted. Everyone was inside, air conditioners on high, avoiding the Louisiana-style heat.

But last night, with cooler air, our neighbors, Mike and Amy, came by with their two strollers holding 18-month old Lucy and newborns, Adam and Kara. Moments later, Jan came streaming out of her house, wanting to see the babies. Tom remained in his forever perch on the front porch. I saw other people wander in and out of their houses, intermittently, checking the streetscape and their neighbors' activities. Kids raced by on their bicycles, apparently aware that summer is slipping away, school classrooms just around the corner, waiting to capture and hold their energies. Cooler air certainly invites more movement and more activity.

And I awoke this morning, just after five, rested and energized by the notion that I could have almost TWO FULL HOURS to read email, check Facebook postings, write here and simply enjoy the luxury of time to myself, a commodity that has become much more dear in the past two weeks with this new job.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you . . .

Reflecting on my first week of work

2010-08-12T06:46:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- capturing some thoughts swirling around in my head

It's the morning of my fourth day of work after 15 months of unemployment and job seeking. I am still in the throes of adapting back to a work life and work schedule. Some random thoughts of mine:

It takes energy to be 'on task', paying attention, soaking up information, not looking like you're wasting time. This week, in particular, I'm very aware of projecting good perceptions of myself as a worker.
I am surprised and truly pleased at how much I'm enjoying the small-company atmosphere of this workplace. It's been well over 20 years since I worked in such a small group and I like it!
Comparing this workplace environment to my last employer's workplace environment, I am struck by how confining, restrictive and fearful a place my former place of employment was. Truly STRUCK! How did I survive in such a place? Just based on the number of times I've thought about that in the past three days, that old, negative environment left much more of a scar on me than I ever realized before now.
A new coworker made some casual yet negative comments about President Obama yesterday. I didn't bite on them and after sleeping on it, I think I'm going to keep my political tendencies to myself. I just don't want to get in a political pissing match with coworkers ... not yet, at least.
My work wardrobe is feeling a bit old and worn. I need to keep my eyes open for some snappy, casual clothes to supplement these poor old work horses.
I am about to jump off the high dive today and begin talking with clients OUT THERE. A bit scary, you know? But I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that I'm going to succeed and will do well at connecting with people. Hopefully, I can make a difference in some peoples' lives, help them get employed ... and I can become a successful recruiter. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Psychopomp

2010-08-02T10:49:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- elated

Scanning an old, familiar website, I found a new one, Wordsmith, which I think I will be revisiting frequently!

The word, psychopomp, caught my eye:

PRONUNCIATION:
(SY-ko-pomp)

MEANING:
noun: A guide of souls, one who escorts soul of a newly-deceased to the afterlife.

ETYMOLOGY:
From Greek psychopompos (conductor of souls), from psycho-, from psyche (breath, spirit, soul) + pompos (conductor, guide).

USAGE:

"Harold Bloom here presents himself as a mystagogue and a soothsayer, a psychopomp of our times, conducting souls into unknown territories."
~ Marina Warner; Where Angels Tread; The Washington Post; Sep 15, 1996

I AM excited!

A nice little surprise

2010-08-02T10:36:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- happy for her

What a happy discovery! I learned on Facebook this morning that the young woman who lived with us for six months in 2007 got engaged over the weekend. Congratulations, Erin!

[And my goodness -- it must be my mindset, given Josh's recent engagement -- suddenly I'm so noticing so MANY MORE engagements and weddings! Hmmph!]

Up North Surprise

2010-07-28T10:04:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- pleased

Once upon a time ... a certain person's mother decided that the only way to fill the void in her life was to shop, buy things, spend money (she truly couldn't afford to spend) and fill her house with knick-knacks, geegaws and other useless decorative frou-frou. Did I mention to the point of bursting?

This aging mother (I'll call her Ally) is now in serious financial trouble and may actually lose her home and be forced to move. Ally vehemently denies being a hoarder. I mean V-E-H-E-M-E-N-T-L-Y! She becomes highly volatile and agitated at any suggestion that she is responsible for the cluttered, claustrophobic condition of her home.

Imagine my apprehension then at S and my plans to drive to Ally's home, three hours away, and work with her to go through possessions, sort things into keep/donate/trash piles and possibly move some furniture.

My apprehension was not without cause. Within 15 minutes of our arrival, Ally's face became suffused with anger over the alleged judgmental 'look' on my face, followed with the statement, "You can leave and don't come back." (Breathing out slowly.) Okay.

I became quiet and avoided eye contact, much like you would with a scary, threatening dog. (The adjective, "junkyard" comes to mind.) Thankfully, that was the one and only outburst from Ally.

From that point on, S and I were able to move (correction, barely move) a large, overstuffed sofa (big armrolls, fancy scalloping on the back and huge cabbage rose upholstery) out the front door and to the garage for temporary storage. That is, after S removed the front door off its hinges. And then we struggled afterward to remount the door because the hinges were never properly aligned when originally installed. Sheesh!

But getting that oversized sofa out of the living room was only the first step. We took out two upholstered white chairs, along with a big heavy oak entertainment center (thankfully equipped with rolling wheels), several dark, dated side tables, a magazine rack, some lamps, a large television set and four or five wooden and painted chairs. Our piece de resistance was a double-size mattress and box springs that had been previously professionally wrapped and stored in a pole barn. S and I used a heavy-duty dolly to pull them. As she pulled the dolly through a two-track sandpile, I literally had to run to keep up with her, my task to hold the mattress and box springs upright. But we did it and we made it! YaY!

Ally, to her credit, had been working since our previous trip to sort and organize items. She had almost a dozen grocery bags filled with unwanted clothing (mostly Grandma's) that she had washed, folded and packed. Those all went out to the garage to eventually be loaded in our truck. A tacky bathroom shelving unit stowed forever in the main hallway of the house went out to the garage for donation. (It's amusing to me how getting rid of certain items carries much more emotional weight and gratification than others. Who knew?) Ally sorted and I carried boxes and bags of old magazines for recycling. By midafternoon, we ordered a pizza and moved out to the pole barn in the backyard.

Hoarding is an odd, curious phenomenon to me. Ally is the only person that I am intimate enough with to see it up close. Certain things appear to hold an unusual attraction for her: glass jars of all sorts and sizes, coffee makers, tiny collectibles (she has an entire case filled with miniature tea sets), certain magazines (National Geographic and Smithsonian being the preeminent ones, because of their 'educational' value?). She has glass everywhere. Cut glass, leaded glass, ordinary glass, old Cheese-Whiz jars -- if it's glass, she hoards it.

But, here's the good thing. For all of my apprehensions and S's apprehensions, we had an incredibly productive day, a SURPRISING day, a day (almost) without any emotional blowups, and we drove home late that night feeling pretty good about our day's work. Let's have a BIG SMILE all around!

QOTD - July 28, 2010

2010-07-28T08:33:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- nodding my head in agreement

The only person who is with you your entire life is you. Make peace with yourself. (From @reneeludwigs)

Saturday reverberations

2010-07-28T06:40:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- life-changing goosebumpy

Still catching up from the awesome news that my son, Josh, and his girlfriend, Leah, in a few short moments, made the life-changing, goosebumps transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to engaged or betrothed.

But first a message from our sponsor, on the origins of the word, "betrothed."

Origin:
1275–1325; ME [Middle English] betrouthe, variation of betreuthe ( be- be- + treuthe truth; see troth)

—Synonyms
1. engage, promise, pledge, plight.

To me, betrothal is an old-fashioneded word, almost verging on archaic(?). Nowadays, we refer to a couple as being "engaged" rather than betrothed. Curiously, the definition above left me unsatisfied, like a bad fast-food meal, so I dug a bit more and found some historical context for the "betrothal" at Wikipedia.

Historically betrothal was a formal contract, blessed or officiated by a religious authority. Betrothal was binding as marriage and a divorce was necessary to terminate a betrothal. Betrothed couples were regarded legally as husband and wife - even before their wedding and physical union

I didn't know that did you? So Josh, your proposing to Leah at sunrise on Lake Michigan was no hey-whaddaya-say sort of thing. It was the REAL DEAL -- and knowing you for the principled, responsible young man that you are -- as you were most likely well aware.

QOTD - July 27, 2010

2010-07-27T10:11:00.009-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- pondering this

Optimism is joyful searching; pessimism is a prison of fear and a clutching at illusionary safety. ~ K.A.Brehony (thanks to @CoachCecily for this)

Replete with happiness

2010-07-26T12:14:00.002-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- smiling, tickled pink, thrilled

This weekend I was unplugged from my laptop and as a result, the internet. Since I don't have a 'smart phone,' I didn't have a chance to share with you the good news I got this weekend.

I was up early Saturday morning, dressed, with a cup of coffee in hand when my cell phone rang. It was Josh. I'm thinking to myself, what is he doing calling me at 8:15 on a Saturday morning (7:15 his time in Milwaukee). Is everything okay?

After a little chit-chat (rain, sinkholes, really?), he told me that he had proposed to Leah. And Leah, also on the phone, said that she had accepted. Yay!!

I am so happy and excited for both of them!

Slyly creeping in when I wasn't looking

2010-07-23T11:12:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- reflecting

Days and weeks are slipping by. I have been unemployed or 'job seeking' as the (politically correct) career counselors would have me describe myself for 15 months now. That's a pretty significant chunk of time. In the moments when I'm not looking at job postings, exploring companies, networking with new and old contacts, I have time to think and to reflect.

And with my reflection, would you like to know what I realized? (Drumroll, please.) I am aging.

I can see it in my skin, most obviously on my face, but also on the backs of my hands, my forearms, even the skin around my ankles. In all those places and probably many more, my skin is beginning to take on that 'old lady' look which I never imagined myself having. Horrors!

For a year or two, I've been commenting about the blotchiness of my forearms. My doctor informs me this is from sun damage. While I like being out in the sun, I have never been one of those crazy people who oil themselves up and bake in the sun for hours. Never! Imagine my surprise at her diagnosis.

My face is holding up reasonably well. Being overweight does have its advantages. I have incredibly few wrinkles around my eyes. I credit my mother (thanks, Mom) for the genetic benefits she bestowed on me with her creamy, wrinkle-defying skin. I believe living with S and her easygoing attitude towards life has helped me immensely in letting go and not scrunching up my face over things with which I have no control. I rarely worry and generally feel happy. I take Bobby McFerrin at his word!

Happily, there are some things I'm doing right:

drinking lots of water
drinking lots of green tea
not drinking excessive quantities of alcohol
getting enough sleep
applying sun protection to my skin when I know I'll be in the sun

My downfall?

Not enough exercise
Sedentary lifestyle (push away from the laptop, Mary!)

If anything is contributing to my aging process, I would guess it it's simply not moving enough. Unlike some others, I don't believe that you have to whip up a drenching sweat at the gym on the cardio machine each day. I believe that movement, whether walking the dog, running up and down stairs doing laundry, working out in the yard to name a few, will suffice.

Are you moving? I'm moving, I'm moving!

Nailed

2010-07-20T09:11:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- in pain yet remorseful at my murderous reaction

While trimming a wildly overgrown vine on the side of the house, I attracted the unwanted attention of an immense and apparently ANGRY bumblebee.

Bumblebee

This bee was so aggressive I presumed it was a male, but I learned later it was most likely a female I had threatened or perhaps even disturbed her nest. She was out to GET me! She landed on one gloved hand, I brushed her away and she went right for the other gloved hand. I watched as she landed and immediately felt her stinger in the back of my hand. She actually landed stinger first and stung me through a heavy work glove! I knocked her down and (I hate to admit it) I stepped on her and killed her.

I kept working but my hand hurt. I eventually came in, put some Benadryl on it and finished my job. I stupidly didn't think to try to pull out the stinger (as if I could see one without reading glasses!) and within an hour or so, my hand began to swell and itch. I did use the old baking soda paste remedy which 'cooled' it a bit, but my hand is still swollen this morning and tender to the touch.

I bet it's been easily twenty years, maybe even twenty-five years since my last bee sting. I remember as a child my shock that a bee would want to hurt me. I can't say my feelings have changed over the years.

Sorry, Lady Bee, I didn't mean to disturb your nest, much less destroy you. I'm feeling bad about that.

Friday night dream #2

2010-07-19T16:25:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- exhilarated

Have you read my first remembered dream of Friday night? I'm still feeling quivery from it, just reading and recalling it.

Here's how my second dream began:

I was feeling lonely and went to visit Caroline [my daughter] - except Caroline was not living in Madison but more like an English hamlet out of a Harry Potter book.

We were in her backyard. It looked a bit cluttered with chairs and a firepit and other nameless things.

I don't remember telling her I was lonely, but she seemed to know that I needed some engagement, some comforting perhaps.

Caroline took what looked like some remnant of a structure, some 2 x 4s and some plywood, nailed together, 'climbed aboard' it and had me climb on too. Then we began to levitate off the ground, me holding tightly to Caroline, because I'm afraid of heights. [Editorial note: these Friday night dreams seem to be preoccupied with my irrational fears and phobias.]

The first few minutes of flying, I was focused on my fear, making sure to keep a firm grasp of Caroline (some might call it a 'death hold'), her strength and her confidence. I barely remember the ride.

When we came back to the ground of her backyard, she hopped off and I began to levitate off the ground myself. The structural remnant was morphing at the same time into something that felt more like a 4 x 4 post or even a pole. At this point, I wasn't feeling fear but exhilaration.

At first, I could bare lift myself off the ground, hovering only inches above. Then I began to get more lift, the ground began to fall away and Caroline began to grow smaller. I tentatively flew in the direction of her English hamlet house, painted a deep yellow, with this curious sponge-like texture. As I got closer, I realized with surprise that her house walls were made of baked cornbread with little flecks of green and red pepper embedded in them. Imagine that!

My confidence grew and I made more turns and flew higher. Yes, I was actually flying! Whoo-hoo!

Now as I looked down, Caroline's yard looked like a square in a patchwork quilt, smaller and just one of many. All the lawn chairs and yard equipment were gone along with Caroline. Where did she go, I wondered?

There was a slight shift in my dream and I was flying lower again. Now there were people standing around in the yards, watching as I flew above them. I had the dawning realization that I was no longer flying with my arms and legs wrapped around a pole, but a broomstick, yes, an honest-to-goodness broomstick! These people must think I'm a witch! I thought to myself.

Flying lower and slower, as I whooshed by them, individuals in the crowd started reaching out to me, many with hankies or tissues in their hands. As I flew by, they moved to hand me the hankie or as to wipe something off of my face. What's on my face? What's on my face?

A man made a swipe at my cheek as I flew by him. What's on my face?

No one said a word, but continued to offer me help.

What's on my face?

End of the dream.

When I woke up, I felt like pushing my obsessive tendencies to the side and allowing the exhilaration of flying to return!

Friday night dream #1

2010-07-19T15:46:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- just read the post and then you'll know

"Plain Jane" and "slightly obsessive" are the phrases I would use to describe my typical dreams. If I told you I had vivid dreams Friday night, would you believe me? Vivid, I tell you. Capitol V - I - V - I - D!

My first dream began like this:

I was in an unknown place, with too many walls, no natural light and full of 90 degree turns. There was a cat in my dream that appeared to be all by itself and very shy of humans, as well. I picked it up once and then set it back down.

More time went by in the dream and I picked the cat up once again. It was a short hair cat and it still had all its claws. The most remarkable thing about it was that its fur was comprised of stripes, tiny colorful stripes, and even more remarkable, there were blue stripes on this cat!

As I was holding the cat, I continued to admire its beautiful coloring. It lay still in my arms. Then it turned its head to look at me and I noticed its head was rather flat for a cat. Did this cat even have ears? I don't recall now. Its head actually had a reptilian quality to it. Then, as the cat turned away from me, I noticed that its head looked more like a snake's head than a cat's.

Dream or no dream, I hate snakes! I immediately put the reptilian cat down and it slunk away. Whew!

End of dream.

My Dragon Mood? -- Label me "totally creeped out"

Thought

2010-07-11T11:01:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- reflecting

Thought for the day from an old spiritual journaling book I find cleaning out a closet entitled "In Good Company" from the Pilgrim Press. As to WHY it was in that closet is another question for another day!

Experience the inherent joy
....... in the uncounted connections
......... the chance meetings
.............. the daily encounters full of delight.

Exercise as a drug

2010-06-28T07:49:00.002-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- what are the implications for me?

While surfing around the web, I ran across a site authored by a Dr. Mercola, MD. Usually I regard these types of sites as quasi-spam, but reading his content, it actually made some sense to me.

I particularly liked this quote below:

I actually view exercise as a drug with regard to being properly prescribed and having proper dosage, And it's one that you can readily substitute for some of the most common drugs used today for things like diabetes, heart disease and depression. All of these conditions will improve with exercise and with the help of an experienced natural health care clinician.

... And as I've explained on countless occasions, normalizing your insulin levels is the most important factor for optimizing your overall health and preventing disease of all kinds, from diabetes, to heart disease, to cancer, and everything in between.

It runs neck and neck with vitamin D as the two most important physical elements that you can do to improve your health.

Brother Squares, Sister Triangles

2010-06-24T06:44:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- fondly remembering

Iwoke up this morning, thinking about my son, Joshua, remembering him as a little boy.

One of the things I remember is making Josh peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches. The current (at that time) parenting gurus all advised giving children choices whenever possible, in order to stimulate their thinking, be more self-aware and to get comfortable learning to make decisions(!).

One of the choices I gave Josh was how did he want his sandwich cut? Brother Squares or Sister Triangles? Brother Squares was cutting the sandwich into four quarters, from midpoint to midpoint of each side of the bread, creating four small squares. Sister Triangles, as you may guess, was cutting the sandwich through the corner points of the bread, thus making four small triangles.

My recollection, though hazy, is that Caroline usually selected triangles, hence the name. Josh initially liked the orthogonal cuts, so they became Brother Squares. Later, he would change it up, selecting one, then the other, torn between his admiration for his god-like, older sister and his need to differentiate himself from the tyrant who was that same sister. I chuckle as I write, remembering this.

Josh, now with a degree in mathematics and a successful actuary, works with numbers, probability and risk. Laying in bed, it suddenly occurred to me and I laughed at myself as I pondered it, why didn't I introduce him to Brother Squares, Sister Triangles and Buckminster Fuller Hexagons? What kind of awesome choices would those have been?

June Twenty-Third

2010-06-23T18:20:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- marking the passage of time in wonder!

Today is a day filled with remarkable events.

Here are the first four that come to mind for me:

President Obama accepted the resignation of U.S. General Stanley McChrystal, the chief military officer of the war in Afghanistan, after he made unprofessional remarks in an interview with the magazine, Rolling Stone
A 5.0 earthquake hit in Ontario with shocks felt in Boston, Cleveland and Detroit (lucky or not, I felt nothing)
Federal investigators handed down a 19-count indictment against former Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick. Insiders say this is only the tip of the iceberg in prosecuting his misdeeds.
On a more personal note, today, June 23rd is the day that my ex-husband and I married. If we were still married, this would be our 37th anniversary. I must admit I'm amazed to think about the passage of that much time! As a young, brash 20-something, I could never have anticipated the twists and turns of my life as they've occurred.

Where am I?

2010-06-23T17:56:00.003-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- travel-weary

This post reminds me of a long-ago movie called If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium.

Because of the generosity of several family members, I was able to attend the funeral for my Uncle Hemie. This involved some travel logistics, logistics I will summarize in this way:

Night One - mid-Michigan
Night Two - Chicago
Night Three - Beaumont, TX
Night Four - Houston, TX
Night Five - Madison, WI
Night Six - Milwaukee, WI

Suffice to say, that by Night Seven, I was rather tired and ready to sleep in my own bed. Which I happily did!

Remembering Uncle Hemie

2010-06-23T17:41:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- sadly remembering

A death in the family, no matter how much it may be expected, still comes as a shock ...

Two weeks ago, my cell phone rang shortly after eight o'clock. Looking at the screen, I saw the call was from my sister. Hmmm, I wondered. This is an unusual time for her to call.

She was calling to tell me of our Uncle Hemie's death. He had died that morning, Wednesday, June 9, 2010, around 5 a.m. The remarkable thing was that he and my Aunt Doris had actually talked with one another shortly before his death.

Uncle Hemie was 88. He had lived a full and vigorous life. These last two years, he struggled, breathing with the help of an oxygen tank 24/7, his world drastically shrunk by his poor health.

I will miss Uncle Hemie. He was such a gentle man, soft-spoken but a master at telling stories, many of them filled with humor and his droll wit. His eyes were the twinkling sort. His hands were thick and well-worn, burnished with hard work and do-it-yourself projects, and I often saw him with his fingers interlaced as if in silent, private prayer. He was a spiritual man and a faithful believer. He looked forward to being with Jesus in heaven.

Alice B. Toklas

2010-06-04T10:22:00.004-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- vindicated

Check. Another book completed: The Biography of Alice B. Toklas by Linda Simon.

I've always been curious about Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas. Having read this biography, Toklas comes off as an incredibly loyal (most especially to Gertrude), but oddly discomforting person, given to jealousy and cutting off friendships. Gertrude sounds like she was a much more approachable and genial person. While Gertrude worked to secure her reputation as a 'genius' writer, her writing sounds rather repetitive, stream-of-consciousness-like and to my ears, a bit odd (the biographer offers samples in an appendix). What made Toklas and Stein truly interesting (to me) was the company they kept: Matisse, Picasso, Thornton Wilder and many others.

Because these two women were more of the Victorian era than a 20th-century mindset, they led very circumspect lives. I wish the biographer had had more to work with relative to their relationship as 'modern day' lesbians. I kept finding myself wanting to know more.

I did learn that the phrase, "a rose is a rose is a rose" originated with Gertrude Stein. I feel curiously happy at that and vindicated that I spent the time reading the book.

Pondering my creativity

2010-06-04T09:50:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- enthused

Now that I'm exploring some educational opportunities, my interest in creativity, specifically MINE, is on the rise. Here's an article from PsyBlog that caught my eye. (I've copied it in its entirety so I can reference it in the future and not find a frustrating broken link.)

Boost Creativity: 7 Unusual Psychological Techniques

Looking for the last piece of the puzzle? Try these 7 research-based techniques for increasing creativity.

Everyone is creative: we can all innovate given time, freedom, autonomy, experience to draw on, perhaps a role model to emulate and the motivation to get on with it.

But there are times when even the most creative person gets bored, starts going round in circles, or hits a cul-de-sac. So here are 7 unusual creativity boosters that research has shown will increase creativity:

1. Psychological distance
People often recommend physical separation from creative impasses by taking a break, but psychological distance can be just as useful.

Participants in one study who were primed to think about the source of a task as distant, solved twice as many insight problems as those primed with proximity to the task (Jia et al., 2009).

◊ For insight: Try imagining your creative task as distant and disconnected from your current location. This should encourage higher level thinking.

2. Fast forward in time
Like psychological distance, chronological distance can also boost creativity.

Forster et al. (2004) asked participants to think about what their lives would be like one year from now. They were more insightful and generated more creative solutions to problems than those who were thinking about what their lives would be like tomorrow.

Thinking about distance in both time and space seems to cue the mind to think abstractly and consequently more creatively.

◊ For insight: Project yourself forward in time; view your creative task from one, ten or a hundred years distant.

3. Absurdist stimulation
The mind is desperate to make meaning from experience. The more absurdity it experiences, the harder it has to work to find meaning.

Participants in one study read an absurd short story by Franz Kafka before completing a pattern recognition task (Proulx, 2009). Compared with control participants, those who had read the short story showed an enhanced subconscious ability to recognise hidden patterns.

◊ For insight: read Alice in Wonderland, Kafka's Metamorphosis, or any other absurdist masterpiece. Absurdity is a 'meaning threat' which enhances creativity.

4. Use bad moods
Positive emotional states increase both problem solving and flexible thinking, and are generally thought to be more conducive to creativity. But negative emotions also have the power to boost creativity.

One study of 161 employees found that creativity increased when both positive and negative emotions were running high (George & Zhou, 2007). They appeared to be using the drama in the workplace positively.

◊ For insight: negative moods can be creativity killers but try to find ways to use them—you might be surprised by what happens.

5. Combining opposites
Interviews with 22 Nobel Laureates in physiology, chemistry, medicine and physics as well as Pulitzer Prize winning writers and other artists has found a surprising similarity in their creative processes (Rothenberg, 1996).

Called 'Janusian thinking' after the many-faced Roman god Janus, it involves conceiving of multiple simultaneous opposites. Integrative ideas emerge from juxtapositions, which are usually not obvious in the final product, theory or artwork.

Physicist Niels Bohr may have used Janusian thinking to conceive the principle of complementarity in quantum theory (that light can be analysed as either a wave or a particle, but never simultaneously as both).

◊ For insight: set up impossible oppositions, try ridiculous combinations. If all else fails, pray to Janus.

6. Path of most resistance
When people try to be creative they usually take the path of least resistance by building on existing ideas (Ward, 1994). This isn't a problem, as long as you don't mind variations on a theme.

If you want something more novel, however, it can be limiting to scaffold your own attempts on what already exists. The path of most resistance can lead to more creative solutions.

◊ For insight: because it's the path of least resistance, every man and his dog is going up and down it. Try off-road

7. Re-conceptualisation
People often jump to answers too quickly before they've really thought about the question. Research suggests that spending time re-conceptualising the problem is beneficial.

Mumford et al. (1994) found that experimental participants produced higher quality ideas when forced to re-conceive the problem in different ways before trying to solve it. Similarly a classic study of artists found that those focused on discovery at the problem-formulation stage produced better art (Csikszentmihalyi & Getzels, 1971).

◊ For insight: forget the solution for now, concentrate on the problem. Are you asking the right question?

Everyday creativity
Despite all the high falutin talk of Nobel Prize winners and artists, all of these methods can be applied to everyday life.

Combining opposites, choosing the path of most resistance, absurdism and the rest can just as easily be used to help you choose a gift for someone, think about your career in a new way or decide what to do at the weekend. 'Off-duty' creativity is just as important, if not more so, than all that 'serious' creativity.

A la Mary Poppins!

2010-05-27T09:05:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- smiling as I remember

I dreamt last night that I was back at my former employer, working on a temporary, contract status. It was Friday afternoon and I watched all my former colleagues walk out, heading home for the weekend.

I stayed until after four o'clock, got my coat and walked out. Outside it was winter and there were huge embankments of snow piled up and pushed up against tall white factory building walls. I started walking on one of these embankments, not seeing a way to get to my car. The embankment narrowed and narrowed until I had no choice other than to slide down it or turn around and retrace my steps. A la Mary Poppins, I lifted my arm above my head (unfortunately, sans umbrella) and stepped/slid down the steep wall of snow as though it were nothing. I remember feeling very pleased with myself that I wasn't afraid or hesitant.

As I got in my car, I suddenly remembered that I would be camping next week by the lake and gee, I didn't tell anyone at work about this. I mulled it over for a few minutes and decided, "Hey, they laid me off once, what do I have to be afraid of? I'm going camping."

A pretty cavalier attitude about a job to be sure, but then again, it WAS a dream!

Warm air, gentle drone

2010-05-26T15:13:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- slighty sweaty and relaxed

As the granddaughter of a farmer, I feel compelled to give a weather report. It's partly cloudy, warm, higher humidity than the past couple of days and almost no breeze to keep us cool. Report done.

I'm sitting in the camper, mid-afternoon, trying to stay cool and taking a 'break' from my sudoku to write. S and her mom are outside at the picnic table, talking. I've experienced this many times before with the two of them, where they are tete-a-tete, head-to-head, conversing intently, me slightly removed but within earshot. There is something profoundly pleasing and comforting listening to the up-and-down pitch of their conversation, the drone of it, if you will. I don't know if it reminds me of my mother and grandmother when I was a little girl or what other emotional dynamic it taps, but I find it oddly comforting -- like all is right with the world.

S called her mom this morning and invited her out for a late breakfast. She cooked thick-sliced bacon in the electric skillet (don't even ask about the saturated fats we ate!) and then a small carton of southwestern-flavored Egg Beaters. Just typing it makes me laugh -- what a meal of nutritional and dietary contradictions! Nevertheless, the eggs and bacon were outstanding, improved only by the fresh air and the lakeside vista. Sally brought some large naval oranges and a ruby-red grapefruit which she cut up and we then happily slurped and sucked up all their sweet juices.

This IS a relaxing vacation. After all the preparation and grunt work required to get ready, I'm starting to think it may have been worth it. Beyond minimal maintenance tasks around the camper, I'm doing as little as possible. My goal? To get bored out of my gourd. :-)

In camping heaven

2010-05-25T13:45:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- incredibly relaxed

Here is my current view: sitting at a picnic table, a dozen tall pine trees to my left, pop-up camper to my right, straight ahead the cool, rippling waters of Otsego Lake.

S and I are camping here for several days, taking a break from the rat race. It is incredibly beautiful here, warm breezes, sunny skies and this gorgeous lake to behold. I feel very lucky to be here with S, enjoying so much pleasure and beauty. I am taking a vacation from beating myself up on my employment status. It feels good!

More later.

It's ALL about the Lists!

2010-05-20T13:05:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- memory smoked & singed on the edges

Big list, little list AND a list for the weekend. Oy vey!

S and I are taking four days to do some camping next week. Then we are visiting some friends who have an eye-popping view of Lake Michigan from their living room windows. We all enjoy bridge, never get to play bridge and ARE GOING TO play bridge with one another! Yeah!

I got ahead of myself. So, the lists, big and small, are to ensure that I get everything done that I need to, pack this, turn off that, send this bill, pick up that item. Another OY VEY!

Goodreads

2010-05-20T08:55:00.003-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- pleased

Housekeeping note. I just added a widget for Goodreads, a web app that enables you to catalog the books you've read, are reading and hope to read. Then, it prompts you to share those with others. I LIKE it!

Employers, I am STILL USEFUL!

2010-05-14T09:50:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- hovering between discouragement, anger and resignation

Reading various articles on this sunny Friday morning, I found another that spells out what I've been experiencing and suspecting.

Here's an excerpt of the article from Yahoo Finance:

... Millions of workers who have already been unemployed for months, if not years, will most likely remain that way even as the overall job market continues to improve [my emphasis], economists say. The occupations they worked in, and the skills they currently possess, are never coming back in style. And the demand for new types of skills moves a lot more quickly than workers — especially older and less mobile workers — are able to retrain and gain those skills.
...
Additionally, the unemployment numbers show a notable split in the labor pool, with most unemployed workers finding jobs after a relatively short period of time, but a sizable chunk of the labor force unable to find new work even after months or years of searching. This group — comprising generally older workers [my emphasis] — has pulled up the average length of time that a current worker has been unemployed to a record high of 33 weeks as of April. The percentage of unemployed people who have been looking for jobs for more than six months is at 45.9 percent, the highest in at least six decades.

In one of those ironic, laughable-but-not-funny ways, this article, entitled "In a Job Market Realignment," describes how peoples' lives are being derailed and hurt by corporate actions. Kind of like 'downsizing'. It sounds so innocuous, doesn't it? Not when you consider that downsizing means people can't pay for healthcare coverage, frequently lose their homes, may have to visit food banks. Not innocuous at all.

You know how today it's not cool to be negative, spout off negative feelings or anything smacking of sour grapes? Simply NOT COOL. My brain is moving the words around, like puzzle pieces, attempting to find a PC way of saying this:

My current status as a JOBSEEKER unfortunately is simply a result of a JOB MARKET REALIGNMENT. ArrrrghHH!

Reading

2010-05-14T07:51:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- antsy to read

Just a quick, housekeeping note that I added a list, "Books I'd LIKE to Read," to the column on the right. My to-do reading list is GROWING! I need to get at it!

The Way We're Working isn't Working

2010-05-13T14:41:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- a sense of 'my' truth being spoken?

From Wall Street, to the lagging economy, to Greece and the "euro zone," to our broken regulatory system, to the high-speed computer trading system that might have played a role in last week's mini-meltdown in the stock market, to those two wars we're still in a decade later, it's clear that something is wrong. End of quote.

This quote, from a Huffington Post article, promotes the book, The Way We're Working Isn't Working. It's written by Tony Schwartz and Jean Gomes.

Here's what caught my eye about the book: our society, our world is operating under the myth that "human beings operate most productively in the same one-dimensional way computers do: continuously, at high speeds, for long periods of time, running multiple programs at the same time." That's a MYTH, not a statement of prescription.

Schwartz and Gomes go on to say however, that our basic survival instincts are to renew our energy. We're good at spending it and not so good at renewing it.

So, our culture tells us to go faster and faster, work 24/7, always be connected, checking emails, blah-blah-blah. Meanwhile, what we REALLY need is downtime. Time to renew our energy. Time to recharge.

Is it any wonder that things feel so accelerated? Everybody on information overload? Everybody working crazy long hours?

And for me, personally, is it any wonder that this is yet ANOTHER brick in the wall barring me from employment? I'm in my late 50s. I don't have the energy of a 30-something, nor do I want it. I'm happy being who I am. Yet, corporate culture doesn't appear to have room or make room for a slower pace, for renewal, for recharging. NO ROOM.

Am I simply spewing sour grapes? Am I trying to justify my inability to get a job with some authors' hypotheses? Just between you and me, I don't think so.

Thursday

2010-05-13T13:55:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- quiet

Thursday.

Cloudy, rainy weather.

Quiet.

Reflective.

Stillness.

Good.

Photoshop installed

2010-05-06T11:43:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- excited

Sometimes, I hold off, waiting to do something when I should just jump in and do it. I just DID it!

One year as a Christmas gift, S gave me a copy of Photoshop. What a treat! Over the years, I have played and played inside of it, learning little bits here and there, accumulating knowledge. Words don't begin to convey my pleasure working with PS. It's just a phenomenal piece of software.

Anyway ... I finally installed it on my laptop, FINALLY! It's so much faster, more responsive than it was on the old dog desktop. I still have files I need to transfer but at least now, I've got Photoshop HERE where I'm spending most of my computer face time. Whoo-hoo, Yippee and a bunch of other jump-in-the-air exclamations!

Thirteen months & counting

2010-05-05T11:46:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- struggling

To borrow from Mr. Rogers, it's a BEAUTIFUL day in the neighborhood... And that's where the loveliness ends.

I have been in the job market for 13 months now. Most people would agree that's a long time. While I don't publish these thoughts in my other more public blogs (which career gurus tell me prospective employers may look at), here I can tell you how difficult, tough and stressful it is to seek work unsuccessfully for so long.

The Huffington Post published an article full of grim statistics on the unemployed. Eighty percent of workers unemployed last summer are STILL out of work. Here's a quote from the original Rutgers report:

A dismal one in five (21%) of those looking for work in August of last year had found it by March of this year. Fully two-thirds (67%) remain unemployed and looking, with the remaining 12% having left the labor market. Of this 12%, more than half say they got discouraged and stopped looking, while the other half have turned their energies to different pursuits, such as school or parenting.

The stats are even more brutal for workers 50 and older: only 12% now have jobs. TWELVE percent! That OTHER 88%, well that's where I fall in. In and down and through the cracks. Ouch!

My neighbor, Jan, across the street, is also unemployed. She lost her job about six weeks before I did. Coincidentally, we are the same age. Coincidentally, we are both still unemployed after sending out countless resumes, networking, preliminary phone interviews, face-to-face interviews, second interviews and still no jobs. Is that a coincidence? Bad luck? We're just a couple of unemployable people after all these years of being employed? What???

I can't believe that both of us could go from being employed, competent, productive workers to unworthy, unemployable schmucks in such a short time. If we haven't changed, then the market has obviously changed. And it no longer has jobs for people like us, like me. And I'm not even sixty yet. What is that all about?

QOTD - April 30, 2010

2010-04-30T17:59:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- like this

A quote that I've heard before and enjoyed:

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

— Margaret Thatcher, served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, 1979-1990

Well said!

Two to the Fifth Birthday

2010-04-27T18:03:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- happily remembering this momentous day!

Two to the fifth, that's how old my baby boy is today. Two squared is four, two cubed is eight, two to the fourth is 16 and two to the fifth is ... THIRTY-TWO!

Happy 32nd Birthday, Josh!

Adding to my book pile

2010-04-27T17:08:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- excited

Taking myself out for a BIG adventure today, I went to the local used bookstore. It's a bookstore right out of a movie, long and narrow, bookshelves to the ceiling, books piled up everywhere. The lone person in the store, a slight, professorial-looking man, greeted me, my book list in hand.

"Do you have your books on a computerized list," I asked.

He replied by tapping the side of his head.

"Wow!" I sighed.

He took my list and turned on his heel. I followed behind. He led me from one book to the next, pulling them off packed shelves with surprising speed.

Here are my NEW used books:

The Biography of Alice B. Toklas by Linda Simon
Genius, The Life and Science of Richard Feynman by James Gleick
A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson
Amazing Grace, A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris

And now, I have a confession to make. As I write this post, copying Amazon links to the books, I suddenly realize that the Alice B. Toklas biography I bought is not the autobiography by Gertrude Stein. Uh-oh! That's what I thought I was buying. Silly me. Well, I suspect I'll still enjoy reading it.

And before diving into any of them, the one I'm most looking forward to is the Kathleen Norris book.

But first, I will finish The Known World by Leonard P. Jones. I only started it a couple of nights ago and I still have most of the novel to read. It's an interesting book about a black man who owned slaves in Virginia of the 1850s. I am enjoying reading his prose.

Quiet Monday

2010-04-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- reflecting on where I'm at

S and I had a good weekend. Sunday afternoon, she commented that she was dreading the work week. And while I listened, I thought to myself, though unemployed, there are things that make me dread this coming work week too.

My unemployment preoccupies my thoughts almost like someone's death, a shocking, unexpected event that echoes and reverberates still throughout almost everything I do. Even after ONE YEAR, I can hardly not think about it.

This preoccupation didn't happen overnight. I initially thought that if I simply did the responsible and necessary things, a job would come my way. I was prepared for it to be long and hard. I honestly didn't prepare myself to be unemployed for more than a year though.

If and when I'm not preoccupied, then I feel this dull numbness, like I'm only half alive. I hate to admit it, but I'm feeling this way more and more.

My confidence is sagging. Things I wouldn't have a given a second thought to nine months ago, now I find myself questioning, "Can you really do that?" If I see a position that sounds interesting with duties or responsibilities that are outside my experience, I find myself thinking, "Well, that eliminates me," or "They won't consider me now." It angers me that I'm thinking like this and yet I find myself doing it over and over again.

I catch myself wanting to whine, "All I want is a little job working on reports or spreadsheets." I think I'm feeling little, diminished, whittled down. Certainly the words, "worn down" fit. I feel utterly worn down by this unemployment.

Today, rather than being hard on myself, I gave myself permission to be gentle, to feel quiet, to feel worn down. After S left for work, I went back to bed and slept another two hours because I was tired. I sketched and drew for over an hour. I took a long hot shower, washed my hair and enjoyed the simple sensations of getting clean. I checked my email once today, but closed it up rather than checking hourly as I usually do.

This afternoon, I was a bit more productive. I paid some bills, went to an ATM and did some money transfers, bought a few groceries, put together some soup in the crock pot and went through mail. I gathered up recycling and put out the trash at curbside, ready for tomorrow morning.

All in all, a quiet Monday.

Relating to an infographic

2010-04-23T13:17:00.011-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- intrigued

One of the advantages of Twitter is that I do run across a myriad of web resources that I otherwise would never encounter. Below is one example.

This is an infographic created by Jess Bachman, a freelance graphic designer. I'm rather intrigued by infographics, so I decided to incorporate it into my blog posting rather than simply link to it. His Flickr download was so illegible, I have linked to the Mint.com version.

As a person who's been in the job market for over a year, this is SUCH a relevant graphic! I think the points he makes about unemployment are apt and dead on. I see myself in that infographic.

Food Revolution

2010-04-21T08:40:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- enthused -- sign up TODAY!

With childhood obesity and diabetes rates skyrocketing, join with Jamie Oliver and thousands of other concerned Americans to fight for our kids' health.

QOTD - April 20, 2010

2010-04-20T07:47:00.002-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- pondering

Poking around on a website devoted to typography, I found this quote in a beautiful calligraphy format.

"None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives."
— Kathleen Norris

Texas in springtime

2010-04-19T14:32:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- tired by the trip, intoxicated by the beauty

We're just back from a trip to Texas. My dad would love his portion of the farm to look like 'Post Oak Savannah'. Here's one example of how beautiful it can be in the spring.

This photo was taken by Eric Pronske on Flickr.

Sticky gum

2010-04-09T09:25:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- talking a good game of encouragement to myself

Have you ever stepped on a particularly sticky piece of gum and then simply been unable to get it off your shoe? That's the feeling of discouragement, inertia and almost depression I've been experiencing the past two weeks. I can't get rid of it!

Today I opened the Detroit Free Press website, the "Freep," and a small circle popped up asking if I'd take a survey. It was small enough and polite enough that I actually clicked on it. What to my surprise that this survey was created by a marketing firm that I had a phone interview with just two weeks ago. It was about printers of all things, the ones you have hooked up to your computer or laptop. Coincidence or what?

After completing the two or three minute survey, I realized the universe had just given me the message that I should NOT grieve acquiring that particular position. Though I REALLY want a job, how boring to write questions for marketing surveys on printers?!? Thanks, but no thanks.

Last hurrah of March

2010-03-31T11:50:00.002-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- remembering

Scootching towards mid-morning, today is looking to be such a beautiful day, I put on my gym shoes and hit the sidewalks for a walk around the neighborhood.

The sky is the bluest of blues. Trees are still bare so you can see their every branch and bone. A few clumps of leaves hang on, curled and brown, hardy survivors of winter winds. Hard to see but not difficult to hear are all the birds, singing their little birdy hearts out, celebrating the return of sunshine and warmer temperatures. Hearing their songs reminds me of how wonderful it is to be alive. I remind myself, don't take it for granted, Mary. Be grateful and give thanks.

I focus on feeling as much as I can, opening my sensory windows and letting it all flow in. The air is cool, but not cold. My top and sweatshirt are just the right warmth. I focus on tightening my tummy muscles, my core muscles and aligning my spine. I straighten my posture as I walk. Hmm, that actually seems to help.

This all feels so natural, so familiar. I've walked these blocks so many times before. My ever-present companion, Cisco, is the only missing part of this picture. I imagine her out in front of me, going this way, then that, sniffing, pausing to sniff more intently heaven only knows what. In my arm muscles, I actually feel her leash tugging me here, now there. Oh, it's surreal at how very real it feels.

I look at houses as I pass. Usually tidy ones still look tidy in this nether time between winter and spring. Some look a little worse for wear. A house that was foreclosed last fall has new occupants. Their garage door is open and boxes are lined up right to the edge of the opening. Another house, up the street, on the other side, is for sale. I wonder if this is a voluntary, happy-choice sale or a wolves-at-the-door foreclosure sale? I can't help but wonder.

I'm amazed at how quiet and empty the streets are. Is everyone working but me? Are people immune to the beauty of the day, behind doors closed and locked? I wonder.

Then, across the street, I see a man. He's wearing a winter knit hat, a skull cap I think it's called. I glance down, then back at him. He's still watching me. I raise my hand and wave. He waves back. Now I know what it feels like to be on an island, a castaway, feeling too alone. The strange reassurance of seeing another person, though a stranger. What a curious feeling.

I stop and examine some tiny blue flowers sprung up alongside a slab of concrete. They're so dainty and so intensely blue. Are these snowdrops? I don't know if there is such a thing as intensely blue snowdrops. Nevertheless, they are lovely. Their color is such a marked contrast to the brownness and grayness of all the other foliage.

A woman rounds the block corner, coming towards me, walking two dogs. As she approaches, I say hi. She replies and I ask if I may pet her dogs? They are well-mannered dogs, inquisitive and happy to get a head rub. I tell her about Cisco. She offers her sympathy. I wish her a pleasant day and continue walking. I wish I didn't feel so alone and so vulnerable. I have never been in the habit of chatting up strangers before. Why am I doing it now?

I finish my walk, happy that I have stretched my legs, exercised my core muscles, even to the point of preventing a lower backache, the usual outcome of a long walk. I feel a bit winded, which is good. I congratulate myself.

I return to my laptop, ready to begin working on finding jobs and then it hits me. Today is an anniversary. Yup, it sure is. A year ago, about the same time as my mid-morning walk, I got called into a conference room, told that my job was being eliminated, told that it had nothing to do with my performance, but yes, you are being laid off.

I am thankful. I am thankful for today's March 31st compared to last year's March 31st. I am so thankful to be here and not there.

QOTD - March 25, 2010

2010-03-26T08:44:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- inspired

Quote of My Day: "I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." ~ Mother Teresa

Straddling Divergent Belief Systems

2010-03-25T14:42:00.002-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- intrigued

If you call yourself a Christian, then do you immediately reject the idea of reincarnation? Is it a concept that is so foreign to you as to make it unimaginable? Unbelievable?

This article, written by Robert Lanza, M.D., touches on the tantalizing theories and inevitable tension between quantum physics and our ideas of living and dying. Here's an excerpt:

We think we die and rot into the ground, and thus must squeeze everything in before it's too late. If life -- yours, mine -- is a just a one-time deal, then we're as likely to be screwed as pampered. But experiments suggest this view of the world may be wrong.

The results of quantum physics confirm that observations can't be predicted absolutely. Instead, there's a range of possible observations each with a different probability. One mainstream explanation, the "many-worlds" interpretation, states that there are an infinite number of universes (the "multiverse"). Everything that can possibly happen occurs in some universe. The old mechanical -- "we're just a bunch of atoms" −- view of life loses its grip in these scenarios.

Biocentrism extends this idea, suggesting that life is a flowering and adventure that transcends our ordinary linear way of thinking. Although our individual bodies are destined to self-destruct, the "me'' feeling is just energy operating in the brain. But this energy doesn't go away at death. One of the surest principles of science is that energy never dies; it can neither be created nor destroyed. When we die, we do so not in the random billiard ball matrix but in the inescapable life matrix. Life has a non-linear dimensionality −- it's like a perennial flower that returns to bloom in the multiverse.

A series of landmark experiments show that measurements an observer makes can influence events that have already happened in the past. One experiment (Science 315, 966, 2007) confirmed that flipping a switch could retroactively change a result that had happened before the switch was flipped. Regardless of the choice you, the observer, make, it'll be you who will experience the outcomes −- the universes −- that will result.

I see a chasm between belief systems here, and one that I'm straddling uncomfortably, like a cartoon character with one leg on the dock and the other on a boat pulling away. I believe Jesus will accompany me across the river Jordan to "the other side" while at the same time I believe that my essence, my energy will go on after my death. How can I make sense of it all? Rationalize it and balance it and make some cohesive explanation? Oh dear!

Landmark health care legislation

2010-03-24T07:58:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- yes, thrilled!

THRILLED is the word that best describes my feelings!

President Obama's comments on signing landmark health care legislation, March 24, 2010:

"... Our presence here today is remarkable, and improbable. With all the punditry, all of the lobbying, all of the game-playing that passes for governing in Washington, it's been easy at times to doubt our ability to do such a big thing, such a complicated thing; to wonder if there are limits to what we as a people can still achieve. It']s easy to succumb to the sense of cynicism about what's possible in this country. But today, we are affirming that essential truth, a truth every generation is called to rediscover for itself, that we are not a nation that scales back its aspirations. (Applause.) We are not a nation that falls prey to doubt or mistrust. We don't fall prey to fear. (Applause.) We are not a nation that does what's easy. That's not who we are. That's not how we got here.

We are a nation that faces its challenges and accepts its responsibilities. We are a nation that does what is hard, what is necessary, what is right. Here in this country, we shape our own destiny. That is what we do. That is who we are. That is what makes us the United States of America.

And we have now just enshrined -- as soon as I sign this bill -- the core principle that everybody should have some basic security when it comes to their health care. (Applause.)

And it is an extraordinary achievement that has happened because of all of you, and all the advocates all across the country." [excerpted from the New York Times]

Reason, Season, Lifetime

2010-03-05T13:29:00.003-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- a bit worn down

Once upon a time ...

if only this were a fairy tale.

There is a lovely, poignant poem entitled, "Reason, Season, Lifetime." I found many people citing this as 'Author Unknown', but according to available web intelligence, it was written by ~~Aleksandra Lachut~~. [UPDATE: for now, I'll stick with Author Unknown]

Reason, Season, Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

-- Aleksandra Lachut

As I'm entering my 12th month of unemployment, and S and I look at a variety of less-desirable financial options, I feel philosophical. And this poem speaks to that.

Presenting my passport

2010-01-13T12:06:00.000-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- experiencing an odd sense of deja vu

Well, it's been so-o-oo long since I posted here that I feel like I should present my passport. Geez, it feels strange to be back!

Rather than posting here on calypsoDragon13, I've been working, working, working to find a job. Searching posted job listings, attending workshops, creating an online 'presence,' refining and rewriting my resume countless times, all in the goal of securing steady employment. Well, folks, I'm not there yet, but there may be light at the end of the tunnel.

I have had an interview with a small company that simply feels right to me. And even better, I was called back for a second interview earlier this week. So, no definite outcome on this company, but I am hopeful. I felt welcomed, comfortable, enthused about the job possibilities and hope that I am the best candidate and their choice for this job.

Addled

2009-10-31T09:24:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- addled

Okay ... it's too early on Saturday morning, I stayed up too late last night and now I'm feeling wired and a little bit beside myself.

Time to dust off the cobwebs and change my PunkyMood:

A month of absence

2009-08-19T06:50:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- recalling & catching up

Where have I been? I've been away for a month - too long. Let me tell you what I've been doing.

July 29th, S's mom, Sally, had spinal surgery. The surgery went well and she came home to our house to convalesce. That was about three weeks ago. Since then, I've been here, at our home in the pine trees, while S has returned to Detroit to work during the week.

Sally and I have managed quite well I think, a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, "in-laws" of a sort, even though the good people of Michigan don't recognize S and my relationship as a marriage. We've talked and eaten meals together, sat out on the deck, listened to music, watched TV and videos, played some cards, worked on a large puzzle together. LOTS OF TOGETHERNESS. LOTS. You get my drift?

I'm ready to resume my normal, usual routine, at the pied-a-terre with S, being together, her working, me hunting for a job. I would presume that Sally would like something that feels a bit more normal for herself as well, but there's this wee problem of her driving. She has not been cleared to drive her car yet by the surgeon. That won't hopefully happen for another eight days. AND ... she has two appointments next week, one for physical therapy and one to meet with the doc ... to get the go-ahead on driving!

So, what to do? Call the doc, get the go-ahead early? Bite the bullet and stay here for another week? Go to Detroit for three days and come back early to drive her to her appointments? All three are possibilities. (heavy sigh) Caregiving can be a big pain in the ass!

A quiet July Sunday

2009-07-19T10:37:00.002-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- reflective

Sunday morning used to be a busy time for me: playing the organ at church or hurrying children along to go to church or warming up my voice with the choir before worship services. Ahh, that all feels rather long ago. Now my Sunday mornings are much, much quieter. And that actually feels good to me. Rather than so much busy-ness, I feel some quiet in my heart. If God decided to talk to me, there might be a snowball's chance in hell of my hearing God!

This has been a rather slow, reflective week for me. Sad in some ways. I am still grieving Cisco's death. I see her coming around the corner or waiting for me at the door. Before, I couldn't get up from my seat without her jumping up as well to shepherd me to my destination. Now, traversing the house, I move unimpeded, a strange unwelcome reminder.

My search for a job this past week was half-hearted, at best. I felt like I was moving in slo-o-ow motion. Thinking back, the only thing that really impacted me was watching Republican senators try to penetrate Sonia Sotomayor's imperturbable calm. More than once, I felt like yelling at the TV screen.

S worked tremendously long hours this past week. She has a not-to-be-missed deadline coming up. I spent one or two evenings on Jan & Tom's porch with them, drinking red wine, visiting, laughing and simply enjoying being in the company of people. They are such good neighbors and friends!

S's mother, Sally, is here with us this weekend. Last night, we had an awesome bonfire in our rolling firepit out on the driveway. Sally and I fed the fire while S did some woodworking in the garage. I gave it up around midnight, but those two intrepid night owls stayed out there until after 3 a.m.! Amazing!

I hope this next week is better for me. More productive. Happier. That's my hope.

Remembering Cisco

2009-07-13T13:55:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- sad and grieving

Friday, we lost a member of our family. Cisco, our 12-year-old dog died here at home after several months of deteriorating health.

Cisco knew long before we did. She quit thriving. Her appetite took a nose-dive and she began to lose weight. I took her to the vet a couple of times. We gave her several rounds of antibiotics. The vet instructed us to jazz up her food. Her weight loss was too much, too fast. I started feeding her pricey human food simply to entice her to eat. All the while, Cisco waited, waiting for S and I to catch on to what was going on.

She seemed to know that it was her time, that she was dying and that it was time to follow her instincts. She quit eating, sleeping more, lying still for hours at a time. Her hind quarters got very wobbly. She became weak. Offered chicken or beef, she would turn her nose away.

All last week we were on something of a death watch. When a creature simply stops eating, it's only a matter of time. We decided that as long as she appeared to not be in pain, we would keep her at home, trying to allow her to die in familiar surroundings with her people there beside her.

Last Friday morning, she seemed weak but still like herself. I watched her or checked on her regularly. When she lost control of her bowels, I moved her outside. I laid her on a rag rug in the cool shade and sat beside her, stroking her body, talking to her. I told her that she was a good dog. I told her that I loved all the walks we had taken. I told her that it was okay. I talked to her like a baby needing comfort. I didn't want her to be afraid. Her body seemed too still; only her eyes and twitching eyebrows still seemed like her.

Her breathing grew quieter. After about 30 minutes, she suddenly stiffened her legs, straightened her spine, arched her tail and her eyes went vacant. She was gone.

I cried. After our neighbor came over to help me move her body, I bawled like a baby. I knew that this was coming, we wanted her to have as calm and peaceful a death as possible, but it still hit me hard. Our good ol' girl was gone.

S and I drove her body to the vet's office. We arranged for her to be cremated. We drove home, ate a little something and then slept. Everything felt too quiet, things didn't feel right, someone was missing.

How we are missing Cisco is surprising us. It catches each of us in unexpected, sad-all-over-again ways. Our feelings reverberate like being inside of some bell ringing loudly with grief. It catches me by surprise every time. Talking about her makes me want to cry all over again. I try to tell myself, "... but she's just a dog."

No, she was our dog, a part of our family and we're really missing her.

2009-05-20T08:06:00.002-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- excited, full of anticipation

Happy Wednesday, Happy Wendishday as we say in the family, and ... if you're working ... Happy HUMP day! I'll settle for the first two salutations.

For me, this is a few days of preparation and waiting. We will travel to Madison, Wisconsin, tomorrow night to join Caroline and Ron and friends to build the deck you've been seeing here in earlier posts. Caroline has spent over $1000 in pressure-treated wood, along with 32 bags of ready-mix cement to secure all the posts.

The deck will be L-shaped, the main portion measuring 12' x 20' with a 6' x 10' foot. It will be angled about 15 degrees off of horizontal and stand about 10 feet from the back stoop of her house.

S and I are excited. Well, I know that I'm excited. I think S is kind of exhausted with work, trying to pace herself through the week. Work is automotive-related and as a result, terrifically stressful. She walks in the door and I can see the stress all over her face. It is troubling to me to see her that way. I'm hoping that working with her tools, being outdoors, working with wood will help evaporate some of the stress from her body.

What will I be doing? Anything and everything that I can. Holding the dumb end of a tape, holding framing lumber while it's clamped, schlepping wood from one place to another and my specialty: I mark all the fine cuts for S to make. It takes a good eye and ability to visualize things that are yet-to-be. I imagine that I also may be involved with food prep, meal cleanup and myriad other little details.

The other event that I haven't mentioned is that my son, Josh, hopefully will be joining us for at least a small portion of the weekend ... and bringing a guest, a young lady. I know that her name is Leah, she's an MSU alum, a packaging engineer in the Milwaukee area and someone that I am looking forward to meeting. And I'm looking forward to spending a little time with Josh. He is a very successful actuary who works hard and spends long hours doing his job. He is in the busiest time of his work year, so we'll see him for only a portion of the weekend.

Can you tell I'm excited?

Pergola update

2009-05-14T12:25:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- pleased with the result

Who needs a day job when there are DECKS and PERGOLAS to be designed? Our daughter, Lina, laughingly informed me that, "sorry, Mom, but there's no 401(k) with this job." Darn, and I was already counting those retirement pennies!

Zeroing in on a design

2009-05-12T19:28:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- having fun!

Memorial Day weekend is fast approaching! S and I are spending our evenings working on Lina & Ron's deck, critiquing our attempts and, oh yes, watching American Idol, The Unusuals and Ugly Betty! What?!?

These are for me???

2009-05-08T10:17:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- relishing being appreciated and celebrated

Look what arrived at our doorstep yesterday, completely unannounced and an absolutely lovely surprise!

The attached note said these are for both S and me, thanking us for all that we do.

I DEFINITELY enjoy being celebrated!

Yeah for moms!

Happy Mother's Day to ALL YOU MOMS out there!

Yeah for moms!

REcycling

2009-05-07T08:52:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- tickled

Feeling in love with spring, the beauty of the Earth? Try recycling to show your love and care for our Mother Earth.

One of the things I LOVE about the community where we work is its awesome recycling service! We can recycle just about anything in our weekly curbside bin. We recycle plastic, cardboard, aluminum cans, glass, junk mail. I enjoy looking for new things to recycle.

Saturday recap

2009-05-03T10:36:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- musing

Sunday morning and my brain is feeling all cotton-y and slo-o-ow. I'm all ready on my second cup of coffee, so what's my excuse?

Yesterday seemed like a busy and slightly discombobulated day. We slept in, arose slowly and gently and I made us a yummy onion-broccoli-and-tomato omelette. S took the landscape trailer over to our friends, J & J, for them to use. I headed off to town to do some errands.

Purchased yet another large, covered saucepan to replace the expensive one that started peeling off its Teflon coating. ArrrghhH! Went to Meijers, bought groceries as well as eco-friendly fluorescent bulbs and remanufactured ink cartridges for our long-dead printer. Don't get me wrong, I really like shopping at Meijers, but, oh my gosh, even the remanned ones are incredibly expensive! Yet ANOTHER consumer rip-off!

I'll try to keep this consumer tirade short, but I get so DAMN tired of being exploited by our money-crazed, take-em-for-all-they're-worth corporations and culture! Cooking utensils that peel toxic substances into our food. Printers that need ridiculously expensive cartridges. It makes me want to scream , long and loud.

(heavy sigh) Okay, I feel a little better now.

Anyway, I returned home to a quiet, empty house. S and son, Mark, had taken two of the three grandbabies for an ice cream cone. The grandbabies are really not babies any more, not literally, but they are babies to us. Preston is now four, very chatty and animated (especially after a sugary ice cream cone). Madison is two-and-a-half and and an extremely focused, I-will-not-be-swayed type of little girl. I predict that she will be a force to be reckoned with in her lifetime ... and that requires no crystal ball to say that!

When the four of them returned, the energy meter went from 'still' to 'off the charts.' Mark and I talked, Stephnie played with the kids and read them a story. She fed them some pizza and milk. Grandma, I want this, Grandma, what about that? Poor Steph, she was in a whirlwind. I sat pretty much still, quiet and watched with a little bit of amusement. Be careful what you ask for ... you may GET IT!

After Mark and the grandbabies left, she and I watched Changeling, a lovely though incredibly sad movie based on a true story. Angelina Jolie was beautiful, as usual, but the depiction of the LAPD back in the 1920s had me swearing at the TV. I got pretty upset watching it. I didn't know that the movie had been directed by Clint Eastwood. And Steph and I both enjoyed feeling the slow pace of that time. Are there places where you can still live at that pace?

What I've been doing

2009-04-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- busy

Italked to my son, Josh, the other day and he asked what am I doing with my time? I'm sure he was anticipating hearing about resumes and cover letters and job ads and all that sort of thing.

No, I'm learning SketchUp.

Which always reminds me of (whispering softly) 'ketchup' when I say it in my mind, but Google's SketchUp is a wonderful, 3D modeling software available online ... (here's the best part) for FREE!

So, here's the rest of the story.

My daughter, Lina, is thinking about building a deck in her backyard. She asked S and I to put some thought to designing a deck for her (and her live-in sweetie, Ron). Being a former designer and a visually-oriented person, I first did a rendering in Photoshop:

Well, then S suggested just HALF of a pergola, so I tried this:

I wasn't very happy with the appearance of this rendering (even after a couple of tries) and concerned that I really had the scale OFF. I downloaded Google SketchUp (hearing ketchup) and began to play with it. Pretty soon, I had this:

That's BETTER! This is a 12' x 20' deck with a pergola over half of it. I also exported a .png file out of SketchUp (hearing ketchup) and into Photoshop where I added the amateur-ish grass and the fuzzy impressions of the modest fencing surrounding Lina's backyard.

I showed it to S. She laughingly responded, "It looks like a houseboat! That's not right. Try something else. How about in the middle?"

(heavy sigh) Okay, I responded. Well, not really. I LOVE design challenges!

So, then I went to town yesterday in SketchUp (hearing ketchup). I completely redrew the model, using groups instead of individual entities, made new posts, moved the pergola over the center, created a rough-but-passable porch swing and basically had some fun while adding to my proficiency:

I was pleased with my learning curve in SketchUp but the deck and pergola design is not done. It's a HALF-BAKED CAKE at this point.

More to come, folks! But I'm really enjoying designing in SketchUp (hearing ketchup).

Small pleasures

2009-04-24T09:05:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- excitedly endorsing

Where's Google Ads when you should have them? I have to chuckle at myself any time that I want to endorse a product here in my blog. Who reads it? I don't know. Do I care? Not really. But I DO want to tell you about this product.

About two months ago, I happened to pack in my purse one of those small, complimentary bottles of lotion that you get in hotels. I used it on my hands several times and came to LOVE the smell of it.

I wondered if I could find more of this stuff. Turns out, I can! It is Suave Hand & Body Lotion with Aloe. It's available at your local drug store. It is cheap. I just bought a big ol' bottle for under $3.00. Check it out. You will LOVE the smell of it! It smells clean and fresh. S says it smells like old-fashioned Ivory soap. I don't know about that, but I do LOVE it!

Earth Day 2009

2009-04-22T11:12:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- celebrating and loving Mother Earth!

When I heard about "EARTH DAY" wa-a-yy back in 1970, I thought it was well-intentioned but kind of gimmick-y. Shows what I know, huh?

Happy Earth Day! Do your part! Let's all take care of sweet Mother Earth, whaddaya say?

Breastfeeding BENEFITS!

2009-04-21T12:26:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- pleased

There's an interesting article published by the BBC stating that breastfeeding provides health protection not only for the baby, but for the mother, as well.

Here's are some numbers to back the article's claim:

Research has found that breastfeeding reduces a woman's risk of ovarian and breast cancer and osteoporosis in later life.

And the list of benefits for the baby is long, with breast milk credited with protecting against obesity, diabetes, asthma and infections of the ear, stomach and chest.

The latest US study, by the University of Pittsburgh, focused on nearly 140,000 post-menopausal women.

On average, it had been 35 years since the women had last breastfed - suggesting the beneficial impact lasts for decades.

As well as cutting the risk of heart problems, breastfeeding for more than a year cut the risk of high blood pressure by 12%, and diabetes and high cholesterol by around 20%.

I breastfed Caroline for a year and Josh for a year, as well. I loved every minute of it. Well-l-l, almost every minute of it. But seriously, given the opportunity again, I would breastfeed my babies (or even someone else's baby -- go, Salma Hayek!) in a HEARTBEAT!

And now, thirty years after the fact, to find out that I am STILL benefiting from breastfeeding my children, well, that's like the ultimate FROSTING ON THE CAKE! It's so lovely to hear some GOOD NEWS!

What day is it?

2009-04-16T18:18:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- a bit confused

Because I traveled down here to the pied-a-terre two days later than usual, it feels like it should be Tuesday or Wednesday. Certainly not Thursday!

Yesterday, I contacted my former employer about a mix-up on my paycheck. Thankfully, I knew the HR person I spoke to, she was sympathetic and said she would try to get a new check cut for me ASAP.

I also revamped my resume, including my latest employment and the skills I used there, giving much less attention to my automotive product design skills. Funny, but with all this news about two of the Big Three facing bankruptcy, I don't think there's going to be much market for automotive designers any time soon.

And my confusion about the days is just a confirmation that I'm relaxing, letting go and actually trying to enjoy this time off. I'm giving myself permission to grieve the loss of my job and, unlike last time, I'm taking my time jumping into job-hunting. It's just feeling too soon, too early. Working on my resume was enough; actually, working on that felt just about right. Now, I know how Goldlilocks felt inside the three bears' house. FELT JUST ABOUT RIGHT.

Last night, S announced around 10 that she still had to mail her federal taxes. We took the five minute ride to a post office that was open until midnight. There were orange cones, police directing traffic and postal employees wearing special orange vests at the mailboxes taking the tax returns of the most hard-core procrastinators in metro Detroit. That's my honey: HARD-CORE!

Silver linings

2009-04-13T21:04:00.000-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- focusing on the POSITIVE!

One of the advantages to being unemployed and not spending 40 hours a week hunched over two computers at work is that I now have the time AND the inclination to hunch over my personal computer, surfing, digesting information and blogging.

I have already posted 13, count 'em, THIRTEEN posts for the month of April, or since I was laid off from my job.

Hurray!

Same-sex marriage, timing and attitudes

2009-04-13T18:05:00.001-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- intrigued

From the New York Times:

And now there are four. In the space of a week, the number of states allowing same-sex marriage has doubled, with Iowa and then Vermont joining Massachusetts and Connecticut. In California, gay and lesbian couples were exchanging vows for five months before voters put a stop to the practice in November. Californians are still talking it over, though, and loudly. New York and New Jersey may be next to debate the question.

... Court decisions on issues like school desegregation, abortion and same-sex marriage can raise questions about the judicial branch usurping the democratic process. But there are strategic issues as well. The Supreme Court not only decides cases but also decides which cases to decide. In jurisprudence as in life, timing is everything.

Even some strong supporters of abortion rights believe, for instance, that Roe went too far too fast and may have been counterproductive. One of them is Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

“The court bit off more than it could chew,” Justice Ginsburg said in remarks after a speech at Princeton in October. It would have been enough, she said, to strike down the extremely restrictive Texas law at issue in Roe and leave further questions for later cases.

“The legislatures all over the United States were moving on this question,” she added. “The law was in a state of flux.”

...The pattern on same-sex marriage, Professor Egan said, is that “Republicans react very opposed and Democrats react very, very neutrally.” As a consequence, he said, “opposition to same-sex marriage shoots up a bit in the month or two or three after a big court decision.”

Later, though, unless the decision is overturned, the public lives with the consequences and decides for itself. “Over time,” Professor Egan said, “people’s experience with the policy changes their attitudes.”

... “There has been a shift of about 10 percentage points in five years” in public support for same-sex marriage, Professor Persily added. “On a deep moral issue like this, that’s very rare.” Public opinion about abortion, by contrast, “has been largely frozen for years.”

The trend toward greater support for same-sex marriage is likely to continue, Professor Egan said. Part of it is generational: younger people are far more apt to support gay rights than older people. And part of it is a product of changing social attitudes.

Happy 33rd You-know-who-you-are!

2009-04-13T14:15:00.003-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- a tiny bit sheepish

Yeah, I've got to admit that this is after the fact. I shoulda posted something about this before the weekend. Unfortunately, I didn't.

But I say better late than never. So here goes:

You have my heart ... completely! I love you.

Lead on, Vermont

2009-04-08T07:22:00.003-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- happy and hopeful

A second good-news story about gay marriage in one week? Wow!

From the Associated Press:

Vermont, which invented civil unions, on Tuesday became a pioneer again as the first state to legalize gay marriage through a legislature's vote, suggesting growing popular acceptance of the idea.

Bills to allow same-sex marriage are currently before lawmakers in New Hampshire, Maine, New York and New Jersey. The three other states that currently allow same-sex marriage — Connecticut, Massachusetts and Iowa — each moved to do so through the courts, not legislatures.

... Using the civil rights language of equality — the measure in Vermont was dubbed the marriage equality bill — could help make gay marriage more acceptable elsewhere.

Yes, yes, YES!

Insomnia

2009-04-08T06:42:00.004-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- annoyed

Here's an announcement I'm sure you've been waiting for: I HATE having insomnia! I woke up around 4 a.m. for no particular reason, with tension in my left ankle and toes. S HATES when I crack my toes, so I did so as quietly and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y as I could.

I lay there for another 15 minutes before I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. Ahh, the realities of a fifty-something bladder! But, I will focus on the positive: I'm not wearing Depends. Thank goodness! I'm not ready for that.

Here's some OTHER things I'm giving thanks for:

My general health is good
S is a loving, supportive partner
We are very blessed; we have not just one house, but two
Believe it or not, batteries. I turned off the TV and fired up our shortwave radio to listen to music yesterday. I was very thankful we had a couple of fresh C-size batteries to power it.
I got my taxes done Monday. The bottom line is I'm getting money back. Hurray!
For the pleasure of an unexpected call from my sister, Ruth. She called on her lunch hour and we had a lovely, "remember when ...?" conversation. I'm SO thankful for her.
Essential oils. I've been burning a tealight candle under our scent diffuser and I so appreciate the lovely smells.
Hot tea. Keeping me warm.
Wool socks. Ditto.
The internet. I feel like I'm part of something much larger than myself. I especially enjoy blogging and looking at intriguing/energizing/awesome photos on Flickr.
Origami. In the process of doing my taxes, sorting through old papers, I found a snappy, hey-look-at-me brochure from Ethan Allen, an upscale Michigan furniture supplier. The brochure's larger format and heavier stock made for some very NICE origami boxes. Maybe I'll take some photos and post them.

H 24 B

2009-04-07T10:12:00.003-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- remembering & celebrating

And if you're wondering what that means, it's meant for my niece, Jess:

HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY, JESS!!

She was born on Easter Sunday morning, many, many years ago (just kidding)! Ask my sister!

Factoid for the day

2009-04-07T09:59:00.004-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- proud to call myself a Spartan

While Michigan State's loss to North Carolina last night stings a bit, it was the tournament journey that aroused and propelled people all over the state to forget their troubles and unite in rooting for the Spartans.

Here's a fact I hadn't realized and one that speaks to how well Tom Izzo has coached the men's basketball team:

Michigan State had one national title and four Final Fours the last 10 years entering the 2009 tournament while North Carolina had one national title and three Final Fours. They have been the two most consistent, most successful programs through the last 10 NCAA tournaments.

My hat's off to you, Coach Izzo, and the entire Spartan team. Thanks for a GREAT March Madness!

Third state legalizes gay marriage

2009-04-03T16:16:00.005-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- an emphatic YES!

Here's some exciting news from Iowa, as reported by the Associated Press:

Iowa's Supreme Court legalized gay marriage Friday in a unanimous and emphatic decision that makes Iowa the third state — and the first in the nation's heartland — to allow same-sex couples to wed.

In its decision, the high court upheld a lower court's ruling that found a state law restricting marriage to between a man and woman violated Iowa's constitution.

"We are firmly convinced the exclusion of gay and lesbian people from the institution of civil marriage does not substantially further any important governmental objective," the Supreme Court wrote in its decision. "The Legislature has excluded a historically disfavored class of persons from a supremely important civil institution without a constitutionally sufficient justification."

My first Etsy purchase

2009-04-03T10:49:00.003-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- delighted

Once upon a time ... I learned about Etsy from my web-savvy, creative daughter ... who was setting up her own Etsy page.

Last Saturday, I made my very first Etsy purchase, these gorgeous earrings made by a talented woman known as msbelle:

They arrived the day after I was laid off from my job. What a lovely antidote to an unlovely experience! I'm wearing them now and I LOVE them!

I heard my name

2009-04-03T08:23:00.004-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- still reeling in disbelief

Sitting here in my snuggly flannel pajamas, I heard my name called out on TV. Yeah, I did!

A TV broadcaster, reading the daily news items, announced that 658,000 people lost their jobs in the month of March. Wow, that's a lot of people! And then I realized, WOW, that's me, I'm one of those folks!

Can you tell I'm still adjusting to the brave, scary world of unemployment?

Coping

2009-04-01T19:41:00.003-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- like I said, I'm in a coping mood and mode

Yesterday, in shock and my feelings bouncing around like overheated molecules, I cleaned. Cleaned with a capital C! I stripped our bed right down to the mattress, laundered all the linens, not only rotated but also FLIPPED our queen-size mattress all by myself (a.k.a. layoff energy!), vacuumed the floors, knocked down incredible spider webs (sorry, spiders) and whirled around the little pied-a-terre trying to dissipate energy in my disbelieving state.

Today, I woke at my regular wake-up time (5:20 a.m.) in an absolute panic that I had overslept. Then I remembered. (heavy sigh) Oh, geez.

I couldn't summon layoff energy for a second day so I spent a lot more time today at the computer. Particularly, I Photoshopped. I knew it would be good therapy for me. I worked on the cute little dragon image at the top of the right-hand column on this page. I'm very pleased with the results.

Bad News

2009-04-01T19:02:00.004-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- shocked

In this time when it's almost impossible to listen to any media source and not hear bad news, ... well, I've got my own story to tell now.

Yesterday, the last day of March, I was laid off, sacked, given the boot; however you want to say it, I am now unemployed.

And this is no April Fool's joke. I wish.

(heavy sigh)

We were cautioned about six weeks ago that layoffs were coming. At the beginning of February, however, I was given a merit raise for my job performance. I was sent to three days of training in March for an upcoming software update. Would you conclude that you were targeted for layoff based on those actions? I wasn't.

So, honestly, I was surprised. Shocked actually. As my boss's boss greeted me in a conference room with the requisite Human Resources person, my heart began to pound. I thought for sure they could hear it, it was so loud in my chest. I just wanted to cry out, "No, no, NOT ME!"

So, I am now unemployed. I join the ranks and crowds and hundreds of thousands of people out of work. Small comfort in not being alone.

Damn!

Before the crack of dawn

2009-01-24T14:25:00.003-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- concerned

At what seemed like the crack of dawn this Saturday morning (I just realized it was before the crack), S had an MRI in East Lansing this morning. Our doctor is trying to identify what is causing her chronic low back pain. After some extensive Googling efforts, we're both wondering about a prolapsed lumbar disc.

Hearing his speech again

2009-01-24T09:56:00.002-05:00

Dragon Mood? -- inspired and proud

On a cold winter day, President Obama begins his first inaugural speech ...

WaterBear on MySpace

2008-09-21T17:32:00.004-04:00

Dragon Mood? -- glad it's not me

My sweetheart, S, admits that she is not the most computer-literate person in the world. But we're SURROUNDED by computers, software, the internet and internet apps. Like MySpace!

There is a pretty funny video that S's son, Tim, took while up north for her side of the family, for their reunion. And of course, Tim has posted this on his MySpace. Which S cannot see unless SHE joins MySpace. Doesn't this sound all rather sinister, suck-them-in-before-they-notice, kind of????

She came home from Madison's birthday party at Caesarland (I HATE those places!) and was pooped. But she wants to see this video. So I offered to sign her up for MySpace. Which she agreed to. Somewhat reluctantly. With lots of caveats. And name spelling. Which S NEVER specifies name spelling. Egad! Yikes!

So here's S's new MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/waterbear56

My honey, a new MySpace rockstar!